5.10.16 some spray roses in the studio in what i think would be available window light. here’s an out of context hopeful quote to think on “when there is joy; we feel that our existence is justified.” - sartre. this is one of those days that just never felt natural or good. wether it was being the kid at school with the least or let’s be honest no valentines cards. i’d spend years as an “adult” doing anything to avoid the day because i’m stuck in a past full of unaddressed pain and cruelty. i look at my behaviors and coping mechanisms things i’ve done to limit my anxiety and panic. places people & things i’ve avoided. most recently avoiding my own photographs. certainly the idea of valentine’s is charming. an excuse to maybe show some affection and love to other people who might not get it regularly is seemingly altruistic and lawfully good but maybe the pressure it puts on people who don’t really have much in the way of tolerance for the day? so maybe today you think about what brings you joy. maybe you do things that will fill a portion of your daily needed contentment. if you feel low hopefully you have somethings to self sooth yourself with. maybe you are going to distract yourself and ignore the memories. maybe you will turn your phone off and stay away from a computer and not allow yourself to see the others who can and do find joy in this day. this time next year i hope to have put in enough work to not have to or want to write something like this. #abouttohaveanexistentialbreakdown #sprayroses #dyingonthestem #ifitwaseasyeveryonewoulddoit #dinnerfortwo (at The Heights, Jersey City) https://www.instagram.com/myphotographslie/p/Bt3sXLgn1ro/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=13z5whimukp57
