#dvm12basilio

I may not be the most credible person to talk about this because I’ve only ever been with one person and we’ve been dating for two years and eleven months so far, but I would like to share my personal experience and my advice to keep a steady relationship. I know different people have different dynamics and different experiences so I will make this as broad as possible so you could apply it in some ways in your own relationship.

1.    Never force your partner to change!

If you went into the relationship hoping to change them to suit your liking, then you should not be in that relationship. You should date them for who they are, you should love them for all the good and bad things about them however, there are some things that are just blatantly inappropriate like being late all the time on dates, replying to messages or going home or straight up being rude. You should talk to them about this as openly as possible.

2.    Do not treat each other as opponents, ALWAYS be a team.

When you’re paranoid about something, maybe when you suspect your partner is cheating on you, do not antagonize them! Do not treat them as if they were evil and all they do is lie and cheat on you because that is called toxicity! You did choose them for a reason, because you love them and they love you back, talk to them about your anxieties and your suspicions but in a calm and logical manner, you are not enemies, you are a team. This also applies when you have fights with them, do not stay on a side during arguments, be by their side, listen to their side of the argument and try to find ways to fix the issue together. Maybe when it is a huge fight, it’s also good to take a time off each other and talk it out when you’re ready,

3.    Put your feet in your partner’s shoes.

I’ve had my fair share of other people’s stories about other people cheating on them or them cheating on other people. Now I think, this is ridiculous and sociopathic, you chose to be in a committed relationship with someone because you love them but if you cheat then you don’t really love them enough to take their feelings into consideration. Try to put yourself in your partner’s shoes, how would you feel if they did that to you? Breaching your trust and destroying everything you built together? Is it really worth ending a beautiful long-term relationship with someone who knows everything about you? If you feel like you have these tendencies of cheating, don’t act on them! It’s not worth it if you already have a wonderful relationship with your partner, however, if the cheating tendencies are higher than you being faithful, then something is probably wrong with your relationship because you’re asking for more, at this point, you should probably break up before you even cheat.

4.    Set up ground rules.

This is integral to a functioning relationship, if you don’t know your boundaries, then this may lead to misunderstandings that may eventually end your relationship. You should set up ground rules: what constitutes as cheating and this is different for every relationship: with some watching porn makes the other partner uncomfortable but with others it’s totally fine, with some sending explicit photos of oneself to other people is a form of cheating etc. You should establish what kind of relationship you want whether you want to be monogamous or polyamorous and the dynamic you want to have with your partner. If both agree on a set of rules, they must always abide by it as breaching one of them would lead to trust issues which could potentially rupture your relationship.

5.    Constantly assess your relationship

Are you happy with your relationship? Do you think your partner is taking advantage over you? Do you think you’re taking advantage of your partner? You should always ask yourself these things because you don’t want to get in a toxic relationship. Although I haven’t been in a toxic relationship with my partner, I’ve sure been in toxic relationships with ex-friends, they might be nice to you at first but when you put your guard down and trust them entirely, then they might take advantage over this, they might make you do something that you don’t want to do or even make you desperate as they may make you feel like they are the only option for you. A symptom of a toxic person is that they may constantly induce negative feelings towards you whether verbal, physical, emotional and psychological then eventually they will apologize, do something nice to you then induce negative feelings again. If you feel like you’re in a vicious cycle like this or you may be doing this to someone, then please end it.

6.    Communication is key!

If you’ve read this far of this lengthy blog, then you totally got duped! You may not follow the other rules, but this is INTEGRAL for your relationship. As blatantly sprinkled throughout the other advice, talking to your partner is very important. Being open about everything is what being part of a relationship is. You should tell them about every concern you have, such as sadness, anger, paranoia, secrets, sex, feelings and other things that contribute to the strength of your relationship. It should feel like you’ve known each other for ages, never stop learning about them and always tell them why they’re so amazing and how much you love them. Being in a relationship is so unreal, it’s like having a best friend you can cuddle with. If you follow some of these advices, I think you are in the right track!

Making friends is very hard, especially when you are quite a niche, eccentric and unapproachable person. I’ve decided that because of these qualities I was not going to make any friends this semester. Oh where’s that overly dramatic “climbing over the mountain” metaphor I was going to use to tie up a story of friendship? I guess for me, making friends is like climbing over the mountain, it’s incredibly difficult, it’s tiring, sometimes you just want to give up but if you try hard enough, you get to the peak and feel like a winner, and what comes after that? It’s either, you stay at the top which is quite nice, since you get to see that beautiful view everyday but I guess in this case… not very [refer to blue shirt guy], you also get to enjoy the experience or you fall down, it’s quite easy, you just kind of slide down and boom friendship over. I guess I had more of those during my existence. It’s hard to keep friends… why? Because sometimes a single event may happen that may make your relationship irreparable, sometimes it’s a series of misunderstandings and sometimes it’s because they’re taking advantage over you. I can list down more things that can lead to reasons why friendships end but this blog will go on forever. My point is, friendships are easier to finish than to begin one but, in the event, that it begins, it’s like you’re overlooking at a mountain peak… I know the metaphor is quite forced but I’m using it anyways as this video is only filled with montages of my trip to Mount Batulao. Where was I? Oh yeah, it’s like a mountain peak, there are lots of things to observe, trees, animals, other mountains, buildings afar, mannerisms, facial expressions, words that make them happy, sad, angry, the way they dress, the way they talk, it’s all quite entertaining and at the same time very intimate, sometimes these observations can become intimate, you learn about their lives, their experiences, their secrets and how much they care about you. Eventually, through your observations, you’ll start to look deeper, sometimes you will not like what you see, this can lead to two paths: it either makes you want to stay at the peak more, or it forces you to descend. As a socially awkward person, friendships are like grand adventures, filled with mystery, hardships, discoveries and magic!

Anyways, that was only the introduction, now we get to the boring part, which is the less poetic and more factual part. So I went to Mount Batulao with my loud and slightly humorous friend Auldrien, when I first saw him… Oh I just realized how gay that is… I promise you, no homo. When I first saw him, I never thought I was going to climb a mountain with him, I mean my first impression of him was that he was going to be a school shooter because he was always so quiet and he was very fast to come in and get out of the classroom, as if he just wanted to get things done and leave as soon as possible. I remember trying to talk to the monsters in my brain called anxiety, I was asking its permission to talk to this one guy across the classroom but I guess he didn’t allow me for a few weeks, but then when it went away for a vacation, I decided I was going to approach him, we talked about usual nerd stuff, anime etc. We also happen to ride the same bus to go back to our families’ homes’, so I guess climbing the mountain gradually became easier but also LOUDER. In hindsight, he’s very talkative and annoying, however, he also happens to be a really fun friend to be around with, he is there in my highs and lows and he’s just generally a nice person, I guess that is not readily obvious but going back to that forced mountain allusion, you just sort of have to try and climb that mountain and maybe you’ll find a nice friend at the very peak. I forgot about the FACTUAL part, from Cavite State University, you just need to go to Indang town proper, ride the jeepney that is front of 7/11 that says it will go to ‘Olivarez’ [22 pesos] and tell the driver to stop at Mendez Crossing, from there ride a bus to Nasugbu [13 pesos] then tell the bus driver to drop you off to where you can climb Mount Batulao, ride a tricycle [100 pesos] that will take you to the base of the mountain and make sure when you’re at the base, you hire a guide [any amount will do but a reasonable fee to give to them is usually at least 500 pesos] because it is going to be a painful trip if you don’t especially if you’re an unexperienced mountain climber like me, there will be instances where you will have to hold your guide’s hand for a big portion of the trip when you’re in rocky and sandy terrain or when you are at very dangerously steep areas. Take lots of break! I cannot stress this! It’s quite a long trail, bring water and food and make sure you arrive early as hiking in the afternoon is going to be hellishly hot!

I guess if it’s not obvious enough, this is not just about my personal experience socializing with people and climbing mountains. It’s also a guide for those people like me who are not very good at making friends, yeah, it’s going to be difficult, sometimes it won’t work out but eventually you’ll get there! Don’t be scared and don’t be lazy. Climb mountains figuratively and literally!