If you know any of these characters, reach out to me via DMs and/or the ask box, and tell me everything you know about them, including headcanons, art, etc. Iād love to know if fans of these said characters exist somewhere, since my interests outside of academic affairs are so niche.
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No, cause I actually thought of a one piece OC just so I can insert a part of myself into the story and have an easier time fantasizing about meeting my faves and having them like me uh huh, yeah...
Info under the cut cuz it's not finished and I can change it easier that way too
Name: Lorcan
Age: ~22
Pronouns: he/him
Gender: male
Fighting style: dual daggers, he's very agile, fast and quiet, ranger & assassin style, lacking a bit in strength compared to the others
Affilliation: Pirate, without crew
Personality traits: quiet, indecisive, insecure in social interaction, confident in his own views, protective, self-sacrificing, resilient, gentle
Moral Compass: fine with killing, dislikes torture, fights those taking advantage of or hurting anyone weaker than them
Clothes: white ruffle shirt, tattered dark Grey slacks, barefoot (bandaged by someone else), golden skull earring, black fingerless gloves, golden snake bites
Physical traits: icey blue eyes, aquamarine blue hair - medium short with bangs and longer in the back put together in a low ponytail, light skin tone, tattoo on his left upper arm - all black lines; sea rose with a snake winding around it
I want him to be like a quiet, ghostlike character who is used to repressing his emotions and doing what he needs to survive. Being very cold and maybe a bit intimidating towards common people but in fact very gentle and kind, he just doesn't want to show it in fear of getting hurt and over time sort of forgot how he would act kind anyway. Like a small but deadly viper, though he isn't a devil fruit user. In fact he loves going swimming and is very nimble in the water too. There's a very soft and vulnerable side to him that he keeps hidden but can be brought forth slightly with cute things like stuffed animals or slowly but surely through genuine kindness and care. He hates it because when he realises he is warming up to someone he starts to panic and others being gentle with him makes him cry once he has gotten attached to them. To him, this means he is weaker, more vulnerable and that makes him freak out and want to run away in fear, in panic. I think Luffy and the rest would be a great crew to make him realise that it's alright to feel, to be taken care of, to be a bit weaker, to be vulnerable. It would take a while but he would end up very loyal, looking up to Luffy. Once he has warmed up, he's still pretty quiet but little jokes and teasing comes out of his mouth here and there, soft smiles appear more and more often, he looks more relaxed and he's a lot more physically affectionate. Randomly hugging others or clinging to them, though of course only those he is close too and who are ok with it.
Hey soā¦ Iāve skimmed through my post and Iāve kinda realized I exclusively portrayed myself as a miserable piece of shit thatās unable to look into the bright side of things. Andā¦yea
I just wanted to make it clear that good stuff happens to me. I mean fuck, I even go out of my way to make good stuff happen, sometimes. I do have other emotions that arenāt likeā¦ boiling frustration. Itās just that Iāve evolved this account into a sorta venting space for myself. Which Iāve needed a lot recently.
In reality, I try not to talk about the negative aspects of my life to others. I saw it as kinda rude and self-centered to do so. It gets hard tho, sometimes I feel like my negative thoughts are the only thing on my mind, and I canāt contribute anything else to the conversation so I just stay quiet. I feel like a walking pile of tragedy thatās just waiting to burst.
And when I do let them show, it comes with such a wave of shame and vitriol with it. I feel so ashamed of letting my emotions drive me to a point where I have to spill my guts out to whoever would listen. Like Iām not strong enough to hold myself together.
Itās not a healthy mindset to have, I realized that now. So itās I try to do it more often, intentionally. Like a muscle that needs to be trained.
But to be honest, this post isnāt for anybody else but myself. Iām pretty sure that my account wouldnāt even reach anybody. So whatās the point? I think itās that I donāt want to put out into the universe that the only notable thing about me is my misery. I thought that if I continued to just shit out self-deprecating word vomit Iād probably manifest even worse stuff in my life. Called it superstitious but whatever, if you canāt tell Iām grasping at straws when it comes to my self-image lol. But who knows, Iām on my mind over matter type shit.
I am a person. A troubled person but a person nonetheless the less. I am complex and layered. I have skills and knowledge. I have passions and dreams. I have a genuine love in my heart. I am, however, clouded by shame and self-doubt. A feeling that grew from hurt, disappointment, and trauma from others and even by myself. But Iām still a person, a person who chooses to live regardless. A person who wants so desperately to be better. And most importantly, I am a person with people who care and love me because of who I am.
We had a conversation the other day. We were on our way back from the movies but you got carried away driving and talking. You went on and on about whatās been going on and whatās up ahead for you, and I listened. Attentive but quiet, like itās always been. But this time I caught up with something, specifically a word.
Ambitious
I said it describes you perfectly. But when the words left my mouth I felt a pit in my stomach. Like an emptiness that I didnāt know I had in me and I felt it all at once. I clutched my chest trying to grab at something that hadnāt been there in years. Ambition, ambition, ambition, my head kept repeating. I didnāt know why it made me spiral, why now? You kept talking but at this point, I had lost myself in thought. I felt the realization so deeply, like a punch to the gut that was gonna make me throw up. I have no ambition
I asked you to drop me over at my place instead of spending the night with you. Iām sorry but I couldnāt handle being around you anymore. I got home, turned on the shower and broke down. I fell and I cried until it hurt. āGod what have I doneā āWhat am I going to doā āEveryone has it but meā āI donāt belong hereā āI failedā āI got everything I wanted but I donāt have the strength to keep itā āIām weakā āIām patheticā āIām so sorryā
This feeling weights me down too much. I hate when my grief and paranoia get the better of me. Specially now that it happens constantly. I wanna be able to think about anything else that isnāt misery. That night I begged to please make it stop. To please take the headache in my head, the nausea in my stomach, the fog from my eyes so I can see my life clearly. Cuz I canāt see anything clearly anymore. I canāt focus on anything that isnāt my immediate needs. I donāt have any plans , any prospects, any roadmaps for the future. Right now all I want is a place, to myself. A place that is all my own that wonāt get taken away from me. I donāt care about making a change or being a exceptional or whatever, I just want to be ok. And Iām so ashamed of that. Iām ashamed that donāt want anything more for myself, that I canāt imagine anything more for myself. Everyone else around me has the ambition to make a life bigger than themselves, but not me. I donāt even know how Iām going to make it to next year.
And youāre no different than the rest. You want, no, you NEED to accomplish more than that. And just by the way you talk about yourself I can tell youāre going to. Youāre gonna have the ability to touch and change so many lives in a positive way. And you donāt even need me to tell you that, you already know of what your capable of. Youāre already so proud, so happy, so hopeful for the future. A future that I canāt even even picture anymore
I wonder if you can tell? If you know how little I have going for me. If you can see me losing control. If you can see how Iām failing apart in front of you. Or are you going to realize when I fall apart completely?
Did you even notice that night?
How do you even view me after whatās happened?
Yes I know why you love me. When we met and discovered how much we get each other, it felt like we validated our own existence. But I donāt think you need that anymore, do you? You know your place here while I still donāt. Iām afraid that youāre going to outgrow me. And that one day youāll realize that and leave. Go find someone thatās put together, someone that your actually attracted to, someone who can live a life bigger than themselves. Someone else, which you know you can do. And I couldnāt blame you if you did
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Soooo u know how I said that I was gonna use this blog for journalingā¦ that was nearly a year ago and I havenāt done shit since that first post.
Iām not used to do things for myself like that. Even though I do have the slightest hope that itās for the better. But Iāve been holding myself back for posting āearnestlyā about how I feel and my sketches cuzā¦
In my eyes, I am not a man ofā¦ substance
Like thereās nothing more under the surface thatās worth expressing. And i know i know this is almost exactly what I wrote last time but everybody seems to have something of worth to say but i feel like i dont, about anything. No deep knowledge about what interests me, no unique insight about the world, no background worth acknowledging, and no skill in the arts to show off.
And I thought I was fine with it but recently Iāve been feeling this resentment towards the people that actually have to courage to post about themselves and their interests and their accomplishments etc. itās this intense alienation I feel towards others now. The jealousy eats away at me cuz I can feel myself getting lost in it. Scrolling endlessly not for admiration but distain almost.
Anyways Iām admitting all that now cuz I got into a relationship (yay) and itās also starting to affect it. Iām jealous of him, deeply. But I also care about him just as much. I donāt want my brain to fuck this up cuz im so happy heās apart of my life. I actually decided to post thirst traps to help boost my ego and distract myself a bit. I thought āwell if Iām worthless intellectually then at least Iāll be cute about it.ā Idk dude
Im going out tonight, might post pics, might continue journaling who knows :P
