#dumb personal stuff

Had to replace my keyboard, so I got a fancy clicky-clacky with a screen FOR ALL MY GALE GIFS 😱

finished my frog! he’s a little wonky but this is the first embroidery project ive ever done so im trying not to be too hard on myself

but somewhere between then and now i stopped having fun with making anything and it started being Important To Do A Good Job and it wasn’t just like, if someone disliked it, i’d freak out.  it was worse than that.  if i post something and people don’t leave likes on it, it freaks me out.  if i share something with someone and they respond like ‘oh cool’ and nothing else, it freaks me out.  i can post something and nothing happens and then five minutes later i’m convinced that it’s garbage and i’m a terrible human being and i delete it and anything else i’ve posted or made in the past week.  or more.  when i had a big breakdown in college i deleted almost everything i made in the 4 years i had been there to that point.  so much stop-motion animation i did is gone. little stuff i did is all gone.  dozens of sketchbooks full of ideas and enthusiasm were trashed because It Was All Bad

and after a while i just learned it was easier to not make anything than to make something and feel so terrible about it not being good enough that i destroy it later

One roommate suggests it might actually be my diet causing my metabolism to rise, which would increase my core temp and make it harder to sleep.