#duderuses

"WHY ARE PEOPLE WITH PENISES GIVEN FREE CONDOMS WHEN THEY DON’T NEED TO HAVE SEX, BUT PEOPLE WITH VAGINAS STILL HAVE TO PAY FOR THINGS LIKE PADS AND TAMPONS FOR SOMETHING THEY CAN’T STOP"

So ladies, how about that extra cost that comes with a biological function we cannot control?

Besides the fact that lucifer is coming out of your vagina like he is escaping hell, our periods are costing us more than you probably thought! From tampons, pads, advil, you name it, there comes a hefty price with our monthly unwanted shedding. When Aunt Flo visits, she comes with lots of demands, demands that aren’t very fair for women.

Ever wonder how much your period will cost you in your life time? 

                                             Brace yourselves.

On average, a woman has her period from three to seven days and the average woman menstruates from age 13 until age 51. That means the average woman endures some 456 total periods over 38 years, or roughly 2,280 days with her period -- 6.25 years of her life.

So I calculated how much mine would roughly cost me. I got mine at the age of 14 and predicting I will have it till the age of 51 (fingers crossed). That means I will have a total of 444 periods over 37 years.

Advil

I take roughly 10 extra strength advils per period, cramps persisting for two days. There are 32 pills per container, which costs me $7.99.

   10 pills x 444 periods

      = 4,440 pills / 32

      = 138.75 advils x $7.99

Total   = $1,108.61

Tampons

There are many options when it comes to buying tampons, and every women varies when they have to change them. For myself I buy the combo packs that have regular and super tampons, 36 in a pack total for $8.99. Now I have to change mine every 2hrs. That’s 1 tampon every 2hrs for 8hrs a day ( I use a pad when sleeping).

    8 tampons x 5 days (not using them for the last 2 days)

        = 40 tampons per cycle x 444 periods

        = 17,760 tampons / 36

        = 493.33 packs x $8.99

 Total = $4,435.07

Pads/Panty Liners

You may use tampons alone, or pads alone, or if you’re like me you use both. I buy 36 packs, at $9.00 total. I use 3 a day (used along side tampons).

 3 pads x 7 days

      = 21 pads per cycle x 444 period

      = 9,324 pads / 36

      = 259 x $9.00

 Total = $2,331

Heating Pads

A heating pad roughly costs $30.00, let’s say I buy two in my lifetime.

 2 heating pads x $30.00

Total = $60.00

Chocolate/Treats (PMS Cravings)

Assuming I buy one chocolate bar per period.

   1 chocolate bar x 444 periods x $2.99

    Total = $1,327.56

New Panties (from stains/leaks)

I’m not quite sure on how to average this one out, but let’s say I buy three new panties a year due to leaks/stains.

     3 x 12months

         = 0.25 x 444 periods x $7.99 (a pair)

Total = $886.89

Diva Cup

Now I have purchased a diva cup, and use it occasionally but not always, so I would assume I’d purchase two in my lifetime of periods. At $40.00 a cup.

2 cups x $40.00

 Total = $80.00

IN TOTAL OVER 37 YEARS OF DECEIVING SMILING TAMPON COMMERCIALS OF GIRLS SPRINGING FOR JOY, AS I’M CRYING MY EYES OUT OVER THE BIRTH OF MY LUCIFER T-REX SHARK, I AM ALSO CRYING OVER THE FACT THAT I WILL SPEND $10, 229.13 IN MY LIFETIME OVER SOMETHING I DO NOT WISH TO HAVE. Sorry if you think I’m ovary-reacting, but let’s be honest would you want to pay that much for that son-of-a-bitch?

*note* I do not use Birth Control, for women who use it the cost will roughly be: $25 per month x 444 periods (depending on the length of your period) Total = $11,100

From the awkward buying tampons moments at the grocery store.

To the ‘how do I take my purse to the washroom without people noticing’. 

Failing products leading to sweatshirts tied around your waist (but let’s thank hipsters for bringing that back into style so now we can be stylish while covering up a leak). 

From crying for no reason, then getting your period a few days later…I knew I wasn’t a weak ass bitch. 

Working out on your period… or SNEEZING...

Mount Everest that appears every month.

Investing in two wardrobes, bloating clothes and non-bloat clothes.

To all you women who are sidelined by butt-kicking, nausea-inducing, must-lie-in-a-cold-dark-room-level pain…cramps.

To these fucking tampons...

I feel like Werewolves would actually be really understanding boyfriends.

Think about it.

A full moon occurs roughly every 29.5 days (once a month). “Lady time” occurs roughly every 28 days (once a month).

His transformation lasts about 3 days, your bloodbath (usually) lasts about 3-7 days. Changing from a human to a wolf is painful, your uterus feeling like it’s exploded is painful. He probably stays away from people when it’s that time of the month to not hurt anyone, if you can help it, you probably do too.

Unless he’s a total douche, he should be able to sympathize with you.