#dtheend

Blakes Hotel Kensington, London 2041

Mara was looking for her passport.

She didn’t know where she was going to go, once she found it; but she figured she could stick to what her original plan had been, back when there’d still been a plan (plans. Plans!), no matter how… Depressing. Pathetic. Miserable.

She’d go to a hotel room. She’d get her passport, get it from wherever the idiots who had thought it smart to unpack her suitcase had put it, and then disappear - to another hotel room, far away from this one, and watch the travel channel with room service until she saw somewhere she liked enough to randomly disappear to.

How? What about your husband?

Mara took a deep breath and tried to tell herself that she really didn’t care.

“For fuck’s sake.” Mara muttered, slamming the drawer shut as, once again… No passport.

She took a shaky breath as she stood from where she’d been crouching, looking around the room for any other place it could be, fighting tears. She wouldn’t cry. She couldn’t. She’d become… If she started, she’d never stop and although Mara had absolutely no intentions of ever looking Danyal Zafar in the eye ever again… Unless she hurried, unless she stayed calm and collected and found the goddamned passport, the exact opposite would happen and -

Mara’s hands curled into fists beside her, her nails digging in so hard that she felt as if her knuckles would break through her skin. No. No. She didn’t even want to think about - she couldn’t. She didn’t even know what would happen, what she’d… Do.

She was ready to go, too. That was what was… Frustrating. The moment they’d (they. Yeah, right) been able to leave… He’d disappeared, saying something about Ari, but Mara hadn’t noticed. She’d gotten into the car and started loosening the catches of her jewellery and the pins in her hair; and once she’d reached the hotel room, it had only taken twenty minutes to rip it all off and leave it in a somewhat neat pile on the dresser. He could keep it. She didn’t want it.

She’d not bothered changing; it would have taken too long. So here she was, still in her bridal outfit, sneakers too; but with a leather jacket on to cover the backless blouse and her hair yanked up into a tight ponytail.

She felt ready to leave. She was ready to leave. She just needed her stupid passport!

She didn’t even know who to call and ask; and even then, could she? She and… She wasn’t meant to be leaving for the honeymoon for another few days and even then, she was supposed to be busy… Now. She couldn’t justify a phone call, to anyone, for help - and anyway, after today, who did she have? No-one. She never had. She was on her own.

Maybe you shouldn’t care.

Maybe. But until she had a plan about… Getting out of this mess - until she could think about it with a clear enough head that she didn’t want to scream and screech and rage at the mere thought… She couldn’t think about that.

“Centre yourself.” Mara told herself, avoiding her reflection in the gold-gilt mirror before her. This whole suite made her feel sick. She’d helped him, helped choose it on the basis of - as she’d joked at the time - the interior design was enough for any girl to drop her panties. Another sick joke. The suite screamed sex; it was all red with gold gilt, romantic, with a wall covered with pictures of roses and fresh bouquets in vases. It was… She didn’t understand how she was standing in it, how everything had gone so wrong. And the red was just making her… Angry. More than she already was, if that were even possible.

Taking a deep breath - and blocking out the different shades of red surrounding her -, Mara slowly looked around the room. She’d checked the drawers beside the four poster, the dresser, too… Maybe in one of the cabinets? Or the trunk at the base of the bed? Maybe everything had been shoved in there, but there was a vase on top, it seemed kind of stupid to put it there -

That was when the door opened.

In the few seconds it took between Mara hearing it begin to open, and it closing softly shut a few seconds later, Mara’s head felt… Foggy. Her heart leapt up into her throat and began to thrum, so hard she thought she was going to be sick, and a small part of her could only worry - what if puke gets caught on the embroidery?

She whirled away just before the door shut.

She couldn’t look at him. She wouldn’t.

“Samara-”

Mara felt her fists clench again - harder than before, her nails digging further into her palms. They shook from how hard she was clenching them.

Without turning around, she shook her head - don’t -, and although she wished she could trust herself to say the words, to tell him that it was in his best interests to shut up and leave her alone, she couldn’t. She wouldn’t. She wouldn’t speak; she didn’t know, she didn’t know what would happen if she did, she had to ignore it, she had to get out and think clearly and - and just - get her head around it, understand it all -

She heard Danyal sigh quietly. As if he were stressed. Ha! As if he were struggling to wrap his head around it! What did he have to be stressed about, confused about? He’d known. They all had, they must have, she was the one lost and confused and stuck in some kind of alternate universe -

“Just let me explain, Mara, please-”

Mara. That was what did it.

The tentative wall Mara had built in her head, quickly and carefully around every bad emotion she’d felt since saying those goddamned vows… Burst. The anger, the hatred, the… Disgust, all of it began to flow through her, hard and fast; and so it wasn’t just her hands shaking, oh no, it was her entire body, with a rage that, honestly, she didn’t know what to do with.

Hmm. That was a lie. She did - she just didn’t want to.

She wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of punching him in the face. That would involve touching him.

Within a second, she had a plan - she would grab her phone, shove right past him, snarl at him to not follow her and that they were done, and be on her way. Fuck the passport. She could report it lost; and her phone would be enough for a ticket on the Tube. She’d spend the night going back and forth on different lines all night for all she cared, as long as it wasn’t here, with him, about this. It would be fine.

“I’m done.” She muttered - and, happy with the chain of events she’d just seen happen in her head, went to shove past him, the door in sight. Exit clear.

Except the part that she hadn’t banked on, was Dany grabbing her wrist.

Feeling his fingers close around her wrist - Mara almost yelled, yanking it away and staring at him such hatred, such incredulity, that the door suddenly became forgotten. Was he… Insane? Out of his mind?

What if he forces me to do something else?

Although the thought registered in Mara’s mind, she immediately dismissed it; partly out of her own incredulity but also… Fear. He’d never, she’d instantly replied to herself; but she didn’t know that. She didn’t know him.

Hadn’t everything that had just happened proved that to her?

Samara clenched her jaw tightly shut as the rage resurfaced again, as she fought the urge to scream and throw the stupid vase of roses nearby. She didn’t know him. She was staring at a stranger with someone she’d thought was her friend’s face.

Friends. God, she’d been stupid. She’d actually believed, truly believed, that they were friends.

“D- do you have some sort of - some kind of, a - a death wish?” Mara finally managed to splutter, realising Dany was watching her calmly. Fuck your calmness! “Don’t - don’t touch me ever again, I don’t want to see you ever again-”

“I just want to explain.” Dany said gently - and Mara slowly stretched out her fingers to stop herself breaking them from clenching again. Ex - explain? He wanted to explain? Well, that was alright then, that was fine, so long as His Royal Highness got what he wanted -

And she wanted to say it out loud, that and so much worse, but she couldn’t, she couldn’t, she’d already spoken once and now it was harder to stay quiet but this wasn’t happening. This wasn’t a conversation. The time for talking things through, like a rational fucking person, like the so-called friends that she, like the pathetic emotional reject she was, had been so fucking stupid to think they were and now, now he wanted to talk, no, no, pigs would fucking fly first -

So Mara shook her head, faster and faster, blocking out the noise and focusing on the pounding inside of her head instead as Danyal continued to talk. She squeezed her eyes shut, closed her fists - she wasn’t here, this wasn’t happening, no -

“- just calm down-”

It was the worst snippet she could’ve heard; because, just like that, she realised, with that one sentence… That Danyal didn’t need protecting.

He was an arrogant, smug, audacious bastard - and this time, they had no audience.

There’s nobody to perform for.

Maybe she didn’t know him. Maybe she never had. But he sure as fuck knew her. If he hadn’t, none of… None of it would have happened.

So why was she hiding it?

“Calm down? You - you want me to calm down?” Mara’s felt the vibrations at the back of her throat as her voice began to rise; and as Dany straightened, as if preparing himself, Mara only wanted to shout more. He was preparing himself? For what? She wasn’t the liar here! She wasn’t the master manipulator, a bored little boy, ruining people’s lives! “You are a - a - liar, you are a lying sack of shit, you are a filthy, filthy liar-”

“Mara, please-”

He touched her again - and without thinking, Mara slapped him across the face with every ounce f strength she had.

There was immediately silence, the slap ringing in the air between them and tingling from its force in Mara’s palm.

She didn’t regret it. Not for a second. But it… Surprised her how, as Dany rubbed his jaw slightly, she felt… Guilty.

She had nothing to feel guilty about - except maybe hurting her hand. It felt like pins and needles, she’d hit him so hard, and she’d felt it shoot up her shoulder; there was an angry red mark on his cheek, against his stubble, matching the velvet of his tunic.

She realised then, that Dany was still in his wedding clothes - and, slightly distracted by this new information (what had she been expecting?), Mara’s eyes focused on his scarf, thrown neatly to the side. He must have done it when he’d walked in.

And it… Hit her, seeing him like that. Stubble beginning to line his jaw, the tunic, the smart shoes, the whole… Thing. They were married. Really, truly… Married. It was religiously and legally binding, the were… Actually… Married.

How had this happened?

“I deserved that.” Dany said quietly - but Mara shook her head, trying to focus on her hatred of him in that moment, rather than the confusion and shock of it all that suddenly made her want to cry.

“Don’t you dare, don’t you dare take this away from me too-”

“I’m not trying to-” Dany replied honestly - and that was it, that was it, because now he was being honest? Now? NOW?

“Shut up!” Mara yelled - and this time, she felt no guilt, she didn’t feel anything because she didn’t have time to, as she slapped him again - and again, and again, shoving him and hitting him as hard as she could, on whatever she could reach. She barely caught a glimpse of Dany’s wide eyes - she only saw her hands, batting at his chest and shoulders and arms instead. “Just shut up, shut up, you’re a liar - a liar, a liar, you’re a fucking traitor-”

“Mara-” Dany yelled, grabbing her wrists - and that was when Mara knew, truly knew, she was about to lose it. There was no control left anymore.

Because hadn’t she just told this fucking idiot not to touch her?

Not caring how much it twisted her skin, Mara forced her hands out of his and shoved him away, staggering back slightly from the effort. She couldn’t speak - not because she was incapable, but just because there was so much to fucking say. Where was she meant to start?

We’re married.

That seemed like a good a starting point as any.

“I have had your back since the beginning!” She finally shouted - and this time, when Dany rolled back his shoulders as if on instinct, Mara was glad. She was. It was good that he was getting ready for a fight, because that meant he understood that this was one. “Me! I agreed to help you get that motherfucking pervert back into your life, before I even knew she was one, me, I had your back after everything with Tara and Raj-”

“I know that.” Dany muttered, his jaw clenching slightly.

“Oh, you do?” Mara laughed, once and without humour. “Really? Then tell me, please, fucking well tell me, how you thought, how you seemed to think you know, that treating me like that bitch is okay?!” She screamed the last part; so loudly that her throat hurt, that her shoulders started trembling from the effort. Dany said nothing, training his eyes on the floor. “What, you thought I wouldn’t notice? That you were testing me out there, like she did to you, like you were meant to do to her before your fucked up selves were meant to run off into the sunset and ruin each other’s lives? Not mine?! How dare you test me? After everything I have done, I have tried to help you-”

“When this all started, you stood to benefit too.” His voice was quiet and sure - and it was pissing her off even more.

“At the beginning. Before I learnt how fucked up it all was, and even then, from the beginning, I have done all of the heavy lifting and don’t you dare tell me otherwise.” Mara stepped forwards, pointing between them accusingly. “I could have found anyone to help me, but you needed me. And you think that I, I, should be tested? How dare you?! My life isn’t some - some game-”

“Neither is Divya’s!”

Mara’s eyes widened.

“So that’s why we’re here right now? Because she deserves better?” Her voice was shaking. Her body was shaking. Fuck, her entire sense of reality was shaking and somehow, somehow, Divvy fucking Kapoor remained the one consistent thing! Was her like that much of a joke right now?! “

“No!” It was the first time Dany had raised his voice - and it gave Mara a pang of satisfaction, to see the disgust on his face at the thought. “No, that’s not what I meant-”

“Then why bring it up?”

“None of this should have been a game. None of it should have happened, none of it-”

Mara let out a small screech. Was he that - was he seriously that blind? That actually stupid?

“Then how do you explain,” This was no longer screaming. It was a high-pitched shriek. “If you’re so enlightened, that I just had my nikah read?!”

“I thought it was what you wanted!” Dany yelled - and Mara felt herself just…

Still. Become still.

“Explain that to me.” Mara muttered, her voice almost eerie after being so loud. “Tell me how you can even - how - I… Explain that to me.”

Dany exhaled - and Mara could see it, she could see how he thought… How he thought this was his chance. He actually thought that.

How could one person be… So… Delusional?

Mara waited. She almost wanted to hear the confirmation of his stupidity out loud.

… Except, she couldn’t do that when he wasn’t speaking.

“What are you waiting for exactly? Do you think I have this much time to waste on you?” Mara snapped, as Dany began to pace.

“According to the ceremony we just came from, you have a lifetime.” Dany sniped back.

Words weren’t enough. This time, they didn’t have to be.

Mara grabbed the nearest thing - the vase of roses - and threw, aiming for his head.

It missed, of course. Hand-eye coordination had never been her thing. Mara wasn’t sure whether to be relieved or not; not that she had the time to consider it. Dany had barely flinched as it smashed against the mahogany of the wardrobe beside him - in fact, he’d even looked mildly disinterested -, and Mara’s irritation took over instead.

She just… She wanted a reaction. Something. How dare he be so cool?

“What is wrong with you?” Dany asked - but it sounded too casual to be an actual question. Mara just rolled her eyes. “You - you have to promise to listen-”

“I don’t have to promise you anything.” She interrupted. Dany sighed, leaning against one of the bed’s pillars. “Just say it.”

Dany shook his head slightly - but he seemed to steady himself and this time, Mara knew he’d speak.

In fairness, he thought about how to word it; how to say something so simple, when there was still so much to say. Communicating had never been so… Difficult before.

So he settled on trying to keep it simple.

“You said you couldn’t lose anyone else.” He began carefully - and although he didn’t want to, not yet, he couldn’t help how his eyes immediately met hers… And just like that, he was in a vacuum. “And I… Didn’t want to lose you.”

He’d barely finished when Mara spoke again.

“What are you talking about?”

Dany fought the urge to roll his eyes. The worst part was that he knew she wasn’t even being… Deliberately naive.

And she looked beautiful, even all red from anger. It was… Off-putting.

“I tried to tell you.” He continued, his voice almost warning. “You wouldn’t - you’re so stubborn, you just wouldn’t listen-”

“So this is all of my fault?” Mara snorted - and her voice began to rise again. “This is all of my fault, how, how, for not listening to what-”

Funnily enough, it was that sentence - that one, simple sentence - that made Dany crack the way Mara had wanted him to, earlier. If only she’d known it could be so simple.

“You know what, Samara!” Dany groaned… As every muscle in Mara’s body tensed, without knowing why; and at seeing it, Dany softened. “You… You know why. I thought that it was what you wanted, but you’re so - so stubborn-”

“Go fuck yourself, it’s what I wanted!” Mara’s voice wasn’t just loud now; it was incredulous, genuinely lost, and as the… Fury she’d been holding inside of her lapped away against the tide of utter hopelessness, madness of it all instead, her fingers loosened, allowing her to feel the ache from keeping them curled for so long. “And go fuck yourself with this - these bullshit excuses! Not once did you think about what I wanted, today was about control, pure and simple, because of the number that crazy bitch has done on you-”

“Have you ever stopped to think that maybe it’s a little bit weird, how much you hate Divya?” Dany snapped, pushing himself from the pillar. “That maybe it’s more than just friendly?”

“There’s nothing weird about hating a pedophile.” Mara retorted just as quickly back, her eyes shining with triumph as Dany shook his head, jaw clenched… But fell back into silence. “And anyway - you don’t get to talk to me about friendship.”

Dany looked heavenward for support, unhooking the collar of his tunic.

“And why’s that?” He said, voice dripping with sarcasm.

Mara felt her mouth actually fall open. Was he serious? Actually serious?

And apparently, she’d said that out loud.

“Yes, I’m serious-”

“No, no, you’re not serious, you were never serious about our friendship.” She spat, stepping forwards… But then, something weird happened. Something weird in the form of… Tears.

Hot, sudden tears, too heavy, Mara knew, for her to blink away. Dany saw them, too - and whilst Mara hated herself for them, tried to keep her eyes wide and unblinking as if that would cause them to magically evaporate… Dany’s lips parted, and his eyebrows furrowed slightly, at the sight.

“Did you think I was lying? When I said I hadn’t told anyone… All of the stuff I told you, that I don’t trust people? I told you everything. I meant it when I said you were the one person I trusted and you…” She turned away, trying to get a damned hold of herself, as the tears spilled. She immediately brushed them away.

She didn’t want to say any of it. It was… Pathetic again, weak, stupid. But as stupid and destructive as it was… With every word, Danyal looked more and more grey, sick almost, and selfishly, seeing that was what Mara knew would make her feel better.

“Samara.” She closed her eyes. Stop saying my name like it means something. “Please, listen to me-”

“Why?” Mara groaned, whirling around to face him again. Dany said nothing. Because of course he would! “So you can lie to me again? Again? Stop bullshitting me-”

“I’m - I promise you, I’m not-”

“Your promises don’t mean anything!” Mara shouted - and she cursed as the tears began to fall freely and her face began to crumple. “Don’t you get that? None of what you say matters anymore! You betrayed m - my trust, completely, you used me for your - your sick little game with Divya, like I’m some kind of pawn-”

“No.” Dany shook his head, reaching out to her - but Mara stepped back, shaking her head, trying to hide her tears. “No, Mara, please listen to me-”

“I don’t want to listen to you anymore.” Mara sniffled, angrily swiping away her tears again. Dany stepped forwards again, but Mara too took another step back. “Don’t touch me. Don’t even look in my direction, you - you have no idea, you traitorous piece of shit-”

Three things happened at once.

Firstly, Dany went to touch Mara’s arm, still attempting to explain; secondly, at his touch, Mara tried to pull away; and finally, as she did, Dany yanked her close instead, holding her by the shoulders, inches away from his face.

Mara felt the velvet of his tunic brush against the bare strip of skin between her skirt and her blouse… And she saw him then; the sharp, square cut of his jaw, the high cheekbones, the long, straight nose… The dark brown eyes framed with thick black lashes, the stubble, all as he towered over her in his outfit of red velvet, his expression stern.

He wasn’t the person she’d thought she’d known. In that moment, she saw him, truly, for who he was - who she should have reminded herself he’d always be; Danyal Zafar, future businessman, heir to an empire.

“Listen to me, please, listen-” Dany shook her slightly as she continued to struggle. “No, I don’t know what I’ve done.” Mara’s wriggling slowed slightly as Dany stared down at her seriously, his eyes boring into hers. “But if anything I’ve done, ever, has upset you, then…” Mara’s eyes filled with a fresh set of tears as Dany’s… Glinted slightly, his eyebrows knotting together. “I’m sorry, Mara.”

“Sorry? Don’t know what you’ve done?” Mara repeated, pulling him closer. She had to. She could barely manage her voice above a whisper and he… He needed to hear this. “Dany, you’ve-” She squeezed her eyes shut as her voice began to wobble; as her shoulders began to tremble; as an overwhelming sadness crushed over her, the thing she’d been trying so hard to avoid. “You’ve proved that I’m - I’m-”

Mara’s breath began to stutter with her words, suddenly at a loss for air. She was gulping - sobbing - uncontrollably, the tears flowing freely as she began to shake so hard, that for a few moments, that was all she could do; shake and cry, her face crumpling as she struggled to form words.

Dany swallowed loudly, his arms moving from her shoulders to her waist as she struggled to control herself.

It was another few minutes before she could say it. Even thinking it hurt.

“You’ve proved that I’m alone.” There it was - and now it was out there, it suddenly felt so much more real. Mara began to gasp again, almost hysterical, as she accepted her truth; her parents; her uncle and aunt and cousins; and now her closest friend, all gone. “God, I’m - I’m alone, Danyal, I’m - I’m so - I’m so alone-”

“No.” Dany insisted - and Mara couldn’t look, crying silently now, as Dany pressed his forehead against hers, his thumb against her cheek. “No, you’re not, you’re - I’m here, you’re not alone-”

“I’m alone.” Mara continued, shaking her head - and feebly hitting him again, watching as splashes of tears fell against her jacket. “I am, I am, you ruined it, you ruined all of it-”

“I don’t - how-” He felt helpless. Completely and utterly, as Mara continued to shake, clutching onto him now. “Mara, I’m - I’m still your friend-”

“No, because you’re not mine anymore!” Mara shouted - and as she stared at him with her red-rimmed eyes, pieces of mascara beginning to track down her face, Dany felt his heart drop into his stomach. “Don’t you get that? I’m alone, because you’re something else now-” The hysteria began to worm its way back. “I could have handled it, I was handling it, but I want my friend, Danyal, and you’ve taken away my friend and now I’m - now I’m - now I’m alone-”

Mara’s tears took over her tongue - and Dany could only stand there, guilty and horrified, as her body shook violently against his.

Mara wasn’t sure when she felt her knees go weak under her; or when she found herself sobbing on the floor, Dany’s arm still holding her tightly as he sat them both carefully against the bottom of the bed. She wasn’t even sure of how she ended up between his legs; crying into his chest, his tunic in her tightly curled fists again, her hair undone as he stroked it to comfort her.

She wasn’t sure of any of that. The only thing she knew, surely, was that Dany was there.

. . .

Mara felt sore.

She’d cried, for so long and so hard, that now it felt like there was nothing left. She just felt… Hollow. Hollow and… Cold; from the sweat drying all over her from the uncontrollable shaking as she’d sobbed, mixed with dried tears - and probably some snot - all over her face. In fact, she was even shivering slightly, still curled up against Danyal, avoiding her embarrassment by keeping her face hidden in his neck.

Her whole body… Ached from it all. Across her shoulder blades, in the joints of her fingers from staying curled up for so long - even the sides of her stomach felt sore and her breathing still… Hiccuped slightly,  from the occasional spasms in her chest. Her eyes felt heavy and swollen.

It was uncomfortable to stay sitting like that, too; her neck hurt from being tucked under and her hips were resting at an awkward angle.

And, you know. Dany.

But… Mara had sat there uncomfortably, avoiding… Whatever happened next, for too long.

She just wanted it to be… Over.

So she straightened, despite how her body protested; and she wiped the leftover damp from her face carefully, with the back of her hand and fingertips… Before taking a deep, silent breath and facing Danyal.

“I shouldn’t have done that, I’m sorry.” Mara said evenly, though her voice sounded thick and wet still. She sniffled slightly. Great. She was entering the post-hysterical dribble phrase. Just wonderful. “And now I’m apologising to you of all people, that’s even more fantastic.” She muttered, rolling her eyes.

Dany frowned - and Mara wanted to roll her eyes again, because he looked… Childish again. Innocent. Confused and with his bottom lip jutting out ever so slightly from his concentrating.

Stop it, Mara warned herself. You don’t know that. You don’t know anything about him anymore - or have you already forgotten what he’s done?

No, another voice replied childishly. I remember. He just held me while I leaked out a lifetime’s worth of snot all over his clothes.

Gross.

“You don’t have anything to apologise for.” Dany frowned… Before, unthinkingly, stroking Mara’s hair.

Mara couldn’t help the quick but silent intake of breath at the action; how gentle it was, how confusing that made it, how he leant forwards - bending the legs around her - to stare at her in a way she knew she was meant to find sincere.

But then they were looking at each other and it was about more than sincerity; except, was it? Because although Mara felt like they were having a whole silent conversation, one with their eyes, one that would feel like a mistake or an accident later… Maybe that’s what it really was. Sincerity. With the irony of ironies being that the two of them were silently arguing about Danyal’s sincerity in being sincere.

Dany’s fingers stayed tangled in her hair, as they reached the base of her neck.

She was watching him over her shoulder; and although her neck grumbled, her soreness from her crying not helped, she couldn’t help but freeze as she realised how close they were.

It was… Confusing. She wasn’t unaware; she knew that it would be easy to forget everything that had happened, even just in the room they were in. How it looked from the outside: the two of them sitting together on the floor, her skirt fanned out around her and Dany’s fingers in her hair.

How it would be so easy for them, in that moment, to make everything change again.

And she couldn’t help it; she considered it for a moment, thought about how easy it’d be… Closing the space of a few inches - and how, in doing so, so many things would just become… Simpler. She wouldn’t be so scared, she wouldn’t feel so alone.

It was such an… Awful feeling. It wasn’t a great way of describing things, but it was true; to her, that feeling, like something heavy and murky was pressing down on her head and forcing her to knees… That was loneliness. That was loneliness and it was horrible.

He made it easy, too. He looked enough like the person she knew, but… Different, too. Not so much, not so wholly the person who’d betrayed her; even though that was exactly who he was. But he was handsome and he’d felt so… Strong as she’d cried - not just his body, his warmth and leanness underneath the velvet of his tunic, but comforting. Supportive, the way his arms had wrapped around her and held her tight, helped her contain all of her sadness and stupidity in its own little bottle.

… But Mara also knew her brain was foggy, fuzzy from the pain and betrayal and loneliness; and so although she felt the air change around them - how Dany’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion again, his eyes dropping to her lips, and hers up at his - … Although she felt the two of them hesitate as their eyes met again…

… She also knew it was complete bullshit.

This was all bullshit.

Mara felt the anger come back, though her body felt tired and sick of it, as she realised just how true that was. Their marriage, their friendship, this whole situation; bullshit. Her plans? Before now, after now, currently? Bullshit. Anything that happened after realising this was all bullshit, anything she tried to justify to herself as the right thing to do?

… Bullshit.

She could leave. She could see it in her head; I have to go. Tripping over her skirt, not looking Danyal in the eye, being desperate to leave.

But it was all bullshit, complete bullshit, because where would she go? Who could she tell? Everyone in Dany’s family knew, that much was obvious. And Mara, stupidly thinking she could manage everything and control it all and mastermind the whole operation… Had let them be the only people she’d relied on.

She’d done this to herself. It was all bullshit.

So what was the point of hiding it?

Slowly, Mara rose to her feet, careful to not trip over her skirt.

“I need a shower.” She muttered, grimacing as she removed more snot from her face. Dany furrowed his eyebrows and - although, unbeknownst to Mara, he opened his mouth to speak - chewed his lip, staring at the part of the floor Mara had just vacated.

Dany was almost scared to ask… But he had to.

“You’re not leaving?”

Neither one of them wanted to admit how loaded the question was; and Mara paused, trying not to think about the question too much, her jacket hanging off of her arms.

“And where am I meant to go?” She finally asked tiredly, pulling the rest of the jacket off. Folding it in her arms, Mara looked down at Dany, simply… Tired.

“No.” He said quickly - and there it was again, that little furrow of his eyebrows again, his confusion. “I didn’t mean-”

“I’m staying.” She interrupted. She didn’t want to hear anymore. That’s enough bullshit for one day. “… For now, anyway.” She mumbled. Forcing the cordiality through her teeth, she motioned to the bathroom. “Do you mind if I-”

“No, absolutely not, go ahead.” Dany replied - and although he wanted to tell her he wanted her to feel comfortable, that this was theirs… Somehow, he didn’t think it would be well-received.

That was when it happened. Again. Their eyes meeting.

And then Mara rolled her eyes and walked away.

. . .

After twenty minutes of sitting on the edge of the bath, avoiding her reflection and trying to understand - trying to wrap her head around everything that had just happened, all at once -, Mara heard a knock coming from the suite’s door.

A few seconds later, Dany was knocking on the bathroom one.

It was probably a blessing. Mara had stepped inside without anything - clothes, makeup wipes, a gun to shoot herself in the head with. She needed supplies. Not to mention that it looked like she’d be sleeping in the soon-to-be damp bathtub - because sleeping in what was meant to be Dany and Divya’s marital bed was not something she planned on doing.

“M - Samara,” Mara sighed, loudly, at Dany’s correction. At least he was learning. A shame he hadn’t done it sooner. The shock of it all was gone now - all that was left was hollowness, an emptiness, an exhaustion and a level of disbelief at how real… Well, reality, felt. “There’s a member of staff outside of the door. He’s saying…” Behind the door, Mara’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion as Dany hesitated. “He’s saying your father’s waiting downstairs and is demanding to see you. He says it’s an emergency. The staff are saying they need you to ID him before they call security.”

She should have wanted to cry. She knew that.

Instead, she just felt a really bad headache coming on.

“Do they have a picture?” She called out - before, with a small grimace at how much her shoulders still hurt, pushing herself from the bath and walking over to the door. “I can’t see him like… This.” Just because she hadn’t checked her reflection, didn’t know Mara was unaware of what she looked like - red-faced, puffy-eyed, and probably with mascara running down her face.

“Yes.” Mara heard footsteps - some murmurs of conversation - and then Dany at the door again. “It’s just me, I have it.”

Mara frowned. If she didn’t want to look at her reflection, she didn’t want anybody else to see what she looked like earlier.

God. Just a few hours ago, the last time she’d looked in a mirror, she’d been so… Confident. Ready.

How did everything change so quickly?

Sighing, Mara opened the door.

As it happened, she was puffy-eyed and red-faced; but she just looked warm underneath her blush and, aside from the dried tears on her face, any other traces of rogue makeup had been wiped away too quickly to leave marks on her face.

She just looked… Warm. Warm and sad and tired.

“Holy shit, that’s him.” Mara shook her head, taking the phone in Dany’s hand. “I - I can’t see him like this, I don’t even know what he’s doing here, right now I don’t know if I even care-”

“Then we’ll deal with it in the morning.” Danyal shrugged, taking the phone back.

Mara held onto it, staring at him.

“Not we.”

Dany said nothing - but then again, he didn’t have to.

The pointed, almost awkward look that he gave the wedding bands on Mara’s finger, on the hand still clutching the phone between them… Well, it said it all.

“We’ll deal with it tomorrow.” He repeated quietly, taking the phone.

Mara shut the bathroom door.

… And hours later, when her butt felt sore from sitting on such hard surfaces and her eyes felt heavy from the tears and the promise of a fitful sleep wherein the could hide from her problems… Mara opened it again and silently got her things.

And as much as she wanted to run… She changed into her PJs and, ignoring Danyal’s offers of sleeping on the floor and awkward attempts to appease her, slipped into bed and turned her back to him, her rings glinting in the light feeling like bands around her neck instead.

She’d thought about it. We.

A few hours ago, that was all she’d wanted. But now… The fake promise, the facade of it, was all she had. Everyone thought she really was a Zafar now. That was how they’d treat her. She didn’t really have much else. Really, she didn’t even have that.

Really… Mara wasn’t sure she had anything.