#dssctm updates

The handle in question is attached to Teach's bedroom door. They're going on a DATE... to the kitchen. 🤭

i'm like 80% serious. my style has evolved so much over the past year and a half and i feel like i can access more pathways toward description and better flow in present tense. reverting back to past for the whole process is becoming so fucking awkward and clunky and kills the whole enjoyment of the writing flow for me.

oh my goodness I could cryyyyy

i'm so sorry it took me a week to respond -- please know that this ask completely made my day when i saw it come in and i got so excited about it that i took a screenshot and sent it to a friend. i really like to give heartfelt, thoughtful messages like this one heartfelt, thoughtful responses, but this past week has been insanely busy for me.

i remember when i was writing that scene i listened to war pigs and whole lotta love over and over and over just so i could get the timing right with the lyrics and what is happening on stage and the reactions teach is having. i poured so much love and attention into every little detail in that whole chapter and it just tickles my heart that it made that much of an impact that every time you hear that song, that's what you think of.

i really thought led zeppelin was the perfect band for both characters to love, and a really nice through-way for eddie to reach out to her, and for her to get back in touch with what excites her and who she really is underneath those cardigans and wool skirts. ;)

i really wanted it to read like a poem from beginning to end, and for the reader to really be immersed in every moment so that they feel like they are living it while reading. i think that's what i aim for most with my writing -- immersion.

it's always different though as the writer vs the experience of the reader, and sometimes i wish i could temporarily wipe my memory and experience it with fresh eyes. it's always so affirming to hear that a reader did get that immersive, sensory experience i was striving for though. it makes me feel like i did my job.

thank you so much for your patience, as it's been almost exactly a year since i released the last chapter. i really needed the break though. i have many other creative outlets besides writing and so far 2025 has been my most creative year yet. at least in terms of the variety of things i've been able to create and perform. i would say 2023 and 2024 were also quite creative years, but all my energy went to one place (dssctm) as opposed to many outlets.

i think it's important for me to practice a variety of art forms (writing, songwriting, poetry, dance, singing-- hell, even sewing this summer) because they all inform each other. it's wild how that is, but the more i engage with each one, the more i realize how true that is.

for example, my primary background is in writing songs, so when i went to write this fanfic novel, i thought to sort of structure each chapter like a song, or a poem. it felt most natural to do so, with motifs that repeat like they do in a musical. but as i practiced writing, i sharpened my skills as a storyteller even more, and can turn around and use those skills in writing songs. especially the incredibly meta one-woman musical i'm writing... about writing fanfiction (i.e. telling stories ;) )

(ps, someone also sent me an ask about that and so i will elaborate more in that answer)

i know i'm rambling, i could go on and on about that topic. and you sent me another ask so i will ramble on (haha, zeppelin) in the next response ;)

To kick things off for Monday we have a snippet that features some quintessential trope imagery. Enjoy!

It's Tuesday and things are heating up with a little undressing. 🎀

🍎 [Monday]

hello, darling. first of all, thank you for being such a long time supporter and for your continued interest in my story. it means a lot to me that you made the effort to reach out. i am sorry it took me so long to respond, and that is mostly because this is a loaded question for me.

do i think about continuing it? yes, all the time. do i feel guilty that i have not? yes, for the sake of my readers, but also to a certain extent, no.

i have been thinking a lot about what the future of this story is going to be. not regarding how it will end-- i have outlined it in its entirety and i have known that much from the beginning-- but if i am going to invest the time and energy that it will take to see it through.

currently, my energy is moving in a very different direction. my interests have changed in terms of fandom and i also have a creative project outside of fandom-- a one-woman musical written and performed by me. it is the dream of my life to accomplish and has been since i was very small. but it would not exist without my experience writing dssctm, and i owe the story everything for what it has taught me about being an artist.

i have been a bit shy to share excerpts of it here with you because it's very exposing. it deals directly with my personal experience sharing fanfiction online and though it seems obvious that this would be the audience that would be the most receptive to it, i suppose i just don't want it to come off the wrong way. it's very meta. it's very me. not hiding behind a fake name and user name, like actually me.

but i'm getting really close to saying "fuck it" and just sharing because i want you to see another facet of my brilliance. writing music is my first and fondest love, which may be hard to imagine for an audience who only knows me for my authorship.

writing dssctm was my entire life for two solid years. i lived and breathed that story and this fandom and did very little else outside of work. but as i said before, if i am going to see this musical through, i need to dedicate a significant amount of time toward it. looking at all the things i am engaged in now, i am faced with a decision of how to allocate my limited time and energy. i work almost full time. i am also part of a professional dance company that i have weekly class and rehearsals for. i do still write occasionally for silco because it brings me joy and i actually have an ongoing rp with a close friend where i play him and she plays her OC. it has been a healthy, low pressure way for me to engage with my writing practice.

i have recently been selected to present the first two songs of my musical as part of a local grant for works in progress. and i'll be getting paid for it, which is exciting. my ultimate goal is to get the whole project funded through a grant in New York state and be able to present the work in its entirety.

but back to my feelings on continuing dssctm -- at the time i posted ch. 17 i was in an exceptionally dark place. it took me 9 months to finish and i used 100% of my brain, which quite frankly, hurt. my relationship with writing that story has been a complicated one and as i said before, it taught me a lot about the nature of making and sharing art. a lot about myself, about what i truly value in the creative process and the inherent value of creating itself.

dssctm and the musical are directly related. the latter would not exist without the former. the musical is about my experience writing it, which makes it that much more exposing and has increased my hesitance to share it here. but i do want you to see.

i am halfway finished with ch. 18 and want to give it to you all as a christmas present to celebrate S5. that is my goal and desire. as far as the rest of the story after that, i truly cannot say.

in a perfect world where creating was my only job and i was getting paid to write this story, i could finish it. i am fully capable of that, even though my heart is not alight with it like it once was. there will always be a place inside of me that treasures this story. i love it to pieces and am so proud of what i have accomplished. i love the world and the characters. i love eddie.

who's to say that in a few months when the fandom wakes up again that i will not be reinvigorated with a desire to pour more effort into it? i cannot say either way. but i do know that my approach to writing it will be different. i will be less emotionally entangled. it will be healthier.

i can't call it completely abandoned. i think that would be an inaccurate statement. i may come back and write some oneshots. i may post a chapter here and there. i do not know, but i wanted to share my honesty with how i have been feeling and where my energy has been directed.