#ds feels

“When I… played, I suppose the word is, with other people in the past, we always enjoyed blindfolds. Cut away a sense and all the others have to pick up the slack, you see. If you’ll pardon the pun.”

Footsteps. A few yards away from him, coming slowly closer. Matt dug his nails into his palms.

“And there’s always an added dimension of vulnerability, of course. It’s amazing how much people rely on their vision - and how they don’t realize that until it’s too late.”

The footsteps stopped. Wesley was only a few inches away from him, close enough to feel his body heat.

But it was the scent, really, that was the thing here. Sometimes it disturbed Matt a little how animal, feral this instinct was, but that was just it. Each individual had their own unique scent, a mixture of a thousand-and-one things that no one else could imitate.

Wesley was dry-cleaner, expensive leather, aftershave - a little, not overpowering the way Foggy’s was sometimes - and traces of metal on his fingers and the occasional cigarette and resin and wood and alcohol. 

“I wonder if it’s the same for you?” Wesley said. “Not the vulnerability I imagine, but the senses? That’s what always struck me, you see. How they reacted to a simple touch like it was a hit of a whip, a sear of a branding iron. Everything’s just that more intense.” 

Wesley reached out. Matt could feel his hand, less than an inch away, heat and skin and touch, almost overpowering.

He was right, Wesley. Everything was more intense, and Matt had grown good at processing that but right now, with his instincts screaming danger at him and the low-stimuli sound-proofed minimalist environment…

Wesley put his fingertips against Matt’s cheek. Matt winced. 

He could feel Wesley’s mocking smile, the small huff of breath, the change in posture. 

“And there I have my answer. Interesting.” The fingertips trailed up. It felt like they were leaving fiery grooves in Matt’s skin - fake threat, no real danger, just his senses going in overdrive. 

Wesley touched Matt’s mouth, thumb pressing against Matt’s lips. Matt stubbornly kept his mouth closed.

There were rules to this. Strict cooperation wasn’t one of them.

“So. Sensitive senses. And then there’s the - masochism? Stamina? Whatever you call it. No one out there who can take a beating better than you.” Wesley’s hand went underneath Matt’s chin, tipping his head up, thumb caressing his cheekbone. “That’s what they said of your father as well, isn’t it? Although I doubt it did him much good, in the e-”

“Fuck you,” Matt spat.

The blow came immediate. 

Matt doubled over and spat blood onto the floor, the thick metal smell overtaking all other nuance in the room. His cheek was on fire but he fought it down, the way he’d done uncountable times before.

This was easy. He’d taken much worse. He could do this.

“Remember the safeword?” Wesley asked. He didn’t sound very concerned.

“Yes.” Matt straightened up again. “Think I’m gonna need it? Think you can make me?”

“Oh, I don’t know. After all...” Wesley gripped Matt’s hair and pulled his head back, baring his neck. “There’s beatings and there’s beatings, if you catch my drift.” 

Fingertips trailed over Matt’s bared throat, like a tickle but worse, too sharp, too gentle - this wasn’t a fight, this was, he couldn’t...

The more I exert my will over a slave, the less they exist. My behaviour becomes more violent in order to prove my power, yet this ultimately fails. The slave has no will. They can not refuse. Hence, I can feel no power. If the slave can’t fight back, then you have no power. When you hit a slave, you are losing yourself. 

The lion tamer puts his hand in the mouth of the lion. In order for the lion tamer to feel power, he must put himself in a submissive position.

("We can also relate what Hegel is saying here about colonisation to BDSM relationships." - Yes, Professor Tim, I'm way ahead of you.)

The submissive is the one with the power. The submissive is the one in control. The master is only able to feel power, and to not lose their own personality and identity, if they are able to give their slave the keys and know that they won’t unlock their chains. Force doesn't make you powerful, it just makes you a "dick". Trust is powerful.