#drunkenfestivities

Surviving the Mummers Parade: A Wild Weekend in Philly with Nguyet

Let me set the scene: it’s New Year’s Day in Philly, the air is crisp, and the streets are alive with the sound of brass bands, glitter, and, let’s be real, a whole lot of questionable decisions. I’m here with my partner-in-chaos, Nguyet, ready to embrace the madness of the Mummers Parade—a festival that’s part Mardi Gras, part fever dream, and 100% Philly.

If you’ve never been, imagine marching bands decked out in sequins and feathers, random acts of interpretive dance, and the city’s finest (read: drunkest) residents reveling in the streets. It’s pure chaos, and it’s amazing. But let me tell you: you don’t just attend the Mummers Parade—you survive it. Here’s how Nguyet and I made it through, and how you can too.

Step 1: Fuel Up (and Prepare for Battle)

Philly runs on cheesesteaks, and so do we. Start your day with a greasy, glorious sandwich—preferably from a corner spot that’s been around since the dawn of time. Hydrate. Then immediately throw that hydration plan out the window when someone hands you a beer at 10 AM.

Survival Tip: Eat more than you think you need. Drunken revelry requires energy, and nothing says “I’m ready for anything” like carbs, meat, and regret.

Step 2: Dress Like You’re in the Parade

Nguyet and I learned this the hard way: if you’re not dressed in sequins, feathers, or something that screams “extra,” you’ll stick out. We went full-on with Eagles gear, ridiculous sunglasses, and a level of confidence that only comes from knowing everyone looks equally absurd.

Survival Tip: Comfortable shoes are non-negotiable. You’re walking. A lot. And by the end of the day, you’ll thank me when your feet aren’t screaming louder than the marching band.

Step 3: Navigate the Drunken Gauntlet

The Mummers Parade isn’t just a parade; it’s an endurance test. By noon, the streets are a swirling mass of glitter, music, and intoxicated Philadelphians shouting “Yo!” like it’s a form of punctuation. Nguyet and I found ourselves dodging impromptu dance-offs, debating the merits of Wawa vs. Sheetz with strangers, and accidentally joining someone’s pub crawl.

Survival Tip: Embrace the chaos. Smile at the guy in a banana costume. High-five that grandma dancing to “Sweet Caroline.” It’s all part of the magic.

Step 4: Master the Bathroom Situation

This is where things get serious. Public bathrooms are rare, and lines are long. If you find a porta-potty, guard it with your life. Nguyet, being the genius she is, scouted out a coffee shop early in the day and bribed the barista for unlimited bathroom access.

Survival Tip: Plan your bathroom strategy early. Otherwise, you’re at the mercy of the gods—or the nearest alley.

Step 5: Pace Yourself

Philly doesn’t stop partying just because the sun goes down. We learned this after mistakenly thinking we could keep up with locals shot-for-shot. Spoiler: we could not.

Survival Tip: For every beer, drink a water. For every shot, eat a soft pretzel. Repeat as necessary to avoid waking up in a pile of confetti wondering what year it is.

Step 6: Celebrate Like a Local

The Mummers Parade isn’t just an event; it’s a Philly institution. The locals are loud, proud, and ready to make you feel like family. By the end of the night, Nguyet and I were shouting “Go Birds!” with a group of strangers like we’d lived there all our lives.

Survival Tip: Talk to people. Dance in the street. Let yourself get swept up in the spirit of it all. It’s a day to let loose and make memories (even if they’re a little blurry).

Final Thoughts

The Mummers Parade is messy, loud, and over-the-top in the best way possible. It’s the kind of experience that leaves you laughing, a little hungover, and wondering how Philly crams so much personality into one day.

Would I do it again? Absolutely. But next time, I’m bringing extra Advil, a hydration pack, and maybe a little more glitter.