#drinksafterdark

I know what you're thinking. What do you mean it's unacceptable? or, Yeah, but you'll have so much more money to spend on the things that you love to do...And while these thoughts are both true, they are usually followed by the thought of suicide or anything that will just make it stop. 

The day I realized that I truly graduated from college - because contrary to what you may think, it doesn't happen when they hand you an empty diploma case, or when you shake the president's (that you've never actually talked to) hand - like I said, the day I truly realized this was when I was offered alcohol at 2:37 on a Tuesday. I'm not talking about a measly beer or two, I'm talking about Rubinoff, the college elixir. If you're like me, and you were already offended by others consuming this stuff before you put on your cap and gown, there's no shot in hell that you're not off-put meow. 

But being the self-harmful type, I thought I could hang. A few drinks turned into a few too many and before I knew it I was right back into my old routine : eat anything and everything in the fridge.

the morning after

We've all seen or at least heard of The Hangover. Movie or not, you know the detrimental, coma-like state of nauseous zombie that is the hangover. So picture the shittiest morning-after feeling you've had. Now multiply that by about eight and a half, and you're beginning to see what I was going through during hour one. It was one of those mornings filled with regret, Advil, and the intake/outflow of anything liquid. I've been hungover before, yes. But nothing makes you feel better in the morning than rolling over to find your roommate sleeping with nothing but a giant inflatable animal. Maybe it's knowing that there's someone so close that knows the pain that is last night, that makes you feel better.

It's not that I'm against funneling Natty Ice at 11 am, it's just that my body is. As much as I want to say I've still got it, the truth is, I can't hang (as much). My self-sabotage is now limited to, at most, two nights a week. Going out for : Margarita Monday, Tipsy/Tequila Tuesday, Wasted/Wine Wednesday, Thirsty Thursday, Fucked Up Friday, etc. is laughable at this point in life. I also know I'm not as "cool" as I once was, because I refer to the days as such: Mundane Monday, Tuesday, Why Is It Not Friday, Almost Friday, Thank God, Saturday, Laundry Day. 

What really set me over the edge was when I visited my alma mater, and felt extremely uncomfortable. It's not like I don't have friends that still go there, or that I'd forgotten where anything was. But it just felt weird to be there. It wasn't old dude ordering red wine at a club awkward, but maybe just a half-step below that. I promptly took myself home and took a hot shower in hopes that it would absolve me from my almost-sins.

When asked why I didn't see the enticement in college dorm parties anymore, it was as if my thoughts were being heard as sakdhsajkdh qiuwhdjs82948171. I just pointed to the nearest keg, and slowly electric slid away.

disclaimer: I'm not promoting the consumption of alcohol, drugs, or late-night quesadillas.

tl;dr: If you're still in college drink as much as you can stomach, you have no real responsibilities. And there's nothing better in life than only worrying about how not to wake up dead.