#dreamsandexpectations

"The weight of our parents' silent sacrifices rests heavy on our hearts, urging us to turn our guilt into gratitude and our dreams into deeds."

With earphones on, listening to "Rockabye," it's poignant lyrics striking a chord deep within me. As I listen, I’m overwhelmed by the profound realization of how much my life mirrors the song. It makes me think about the immense hard work my parents put in to provide the best for me, and in return, I feel like I'm doing nothing. They spend a lot to cover all my expenses—from the best education to the best food. Mumma works tirelessly, managing all the household chores. Meanwhile, Papa spends his entire day at the shop, enduring 45°C heat, drenched in sweat, working hard to meet all our needs. I And here I am, cocooned in the comfort of an air-conditioned room, scrolling endlessly through shorts and reels, wasting my time.

They don’t complain about the struggles they face; they just want me to do well in my studies and my career. But am I doing that? Am I putting in even the slightest effort? The answer is a resounding NO.

The other day, Mumma was telling me about Nani's acquaintance, who mentioned an uncle proudly talking about his daughter clearing the toughest exam in the world—the UPSC. She became an IAS officer. I wonder if I will ever be able to make Mumma and Papa proud of my achievements.In our joint family, where every couple boasts a son, my parents chose to defy societal norms. Despite advice to adopt a boy, my father stood firm, believing that his three daughters were more than enough, that we would one day make him proud. Yet here I am, feeling like a failure, not even putting in the slightest effort.

I asked Mumma why she didn’t study well, thinking if she had, she could be independent, free, and respected by Papa and everyone else. She replied with regret, "Kaash padh liya hota!" (If only I had studied!). I fear a future where I, too, might lament missed opportunities and unrealized potential. I fear telling my daughter the same story of regret, despite having been given every advantage. What if I end up begging for a penny, or dependent on a partner who doesn't respect me ? Is that the life I want?

I daydream all the time about becoming successful, making my parents proud and honored, buying an expensive house, and a luxury car. Yet, looking at my current situation, I am filled with dread that I won't be able to make it. The reality is that I lie lazily on the sofa, mindlessly consuming hundreds of reels, doing everything except studying.