#drchaosti

Do you remember who I am? No? That’s a shame. We have met many times. And each time, I talk with you about the same thing.

There is a staff member that is a silent ally to the students of Elsewhere University.

There is a staff member who, once they learn of the staff member’s existence, is feared by the staff and professors before promptly being forgotten.

There is a staff member who is, above all else, coveted by the Gentry of Elsewhere University.

The official title is Administrator of University Affairs and Services. The official duties include maintaining the registrar of students and employment records of the staff, outreach to the local community, and coordinating campus events. The official job description has many flowery words about “record maintenance” and “interdepartmental coordination between Admissions and Human Resources.”

The official job description says nothing of the runes carved into flesh with an iron knife and bandaged with a poultice of salt and crushed blooms of Solomon’s Seal for the protection of the body. The official job description says nothing of the blood pact sealed with the Librarians for protection of the mind. Because they are the Keeper of Names. And the official job description says nothing of how it means sacrificing your own Name, for the protection of the soul. For the protection of all.

The position itself used to be two separate roles - Academic Affairs and University Services, before being combined after a particularly clever Noble learned the Name of the Director of University Services and used it to leverage the Name of the Director of Academic Affairs and Admissions. The Noble used this knowledge to steal the names of several students and staff members, sparking a Quest for their return. Following the conclusion of the Quest, the University Administration felt it prudent to take measures to ensure this wielding of Names against staff could never happen again.

How do I know all this about the Keeper?

A better question: Do you remember who I am? No? That’s a shame.

“Hey, have you heard anything about the new student radio station?”

Deuces glanced up from their Psych textbook, brow furrowed. “What?”

Fawkes held up his phone. “It’s online. I heard about it a few weeks ago. It took me forever to find it - Real-Grant, you know, from the east dorm? He had to show me where it was.”

“So what? It’s just another show.” Deuces looked back down at their notes. They really shouldn’t have bet the albino squirrel on the quad that they could graduate with a 4.0…

“No, seriously, dud- er, sorry, habit. Anyways, it’s actually got some useful stuff! You remember how we got swarmed by the crows our first week, because of the Twix wrapper?” The pair shared a look and winced. “They talk about how to deal with things like that!”

Deuces sighed, and closed their textbook. “Look, if I listen to it with you, will you help me with studying for my midterm?”

“I’d help you anyways,” Fawkes looked a little offended, “freely given.”

Deuces rubbed their eyes. “Sorry, you know what’s it like around here. Sure, turn it on.”

Fawkes grinned and hit Play.

“Good morning, gentle viewers and Gentry alike. Welcome to Elsewhere University Student News, where you can receive advice and announcements, freely given…”

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