Happy Fab Friday
So this is from my Nanowrimo 2019 project and I love this bit. I love it because for I feel like I captured Malia's eomtions. She's in love with Jhalil, one of her best friends, but she has no idea to tell him because she can't lose him as a friend. Yet, she just heard him tell another friend that he's in love with her. It's long, but I'm proud of this and I hope you like it.
“Mal?”
“Do you mean it?” He didn’t answer. He just stared at her, that scared, hurt, wanting look on his face. She wasn’t supposed to know, but now she did. From his lips to her ears, she knew. “Do you mean it?” She stepped into the room. He still didn’t answer. Why wouldn’t he answer? Did he not mean it? Did he just say it to get Toliran to stop bothering him? Her chest tightened the longer he was silent. She was unsteady, unsure, but she had to know. She had to.
“Please,” she begged and hated it. Hated the tears that threatened her eyes, hated the suffocating pressure in her chest that made every breath a struggle, hated how she just kept moving closer to him and all he did was stand there. Still, like a statue, like he hadn’t said something that had shattered her world. “Do you mean it?” If she asked enough, would he answer?
He drew himself to his full height. “Would it matter if I did?”
“Yes,” she confessed.
“Oh.”
A single word and she was breaking. Didn’t he see that? He was supposed to know her. Couldn’t he see how she fell to pieces? She couldn’t breathe now, couldn’t stand, couldn’t do a single thing. She couldn’t even ask him again, terrified that he hadn’t meant it, hadn’t said to Toliran that he loved her, that she was nothing more to him than a friend. All she had was his stillness, his quiet. The damnable quiet that happened when he should say something that he didn’t want to, when he knew what he should do and could not do it because it would hurt the other. The damning silence that meant he did not really love her, that his words weren’t true.
She closed her eyes. Liquid heat fell onto her cheeks. Gods, she wanted to run, get away from him, from everyone, from everything. He didn’t love her. They were just words, designed to get Toliran away from him. They weren’t real. They weren’t and she was a fool for even thinking it. A sob threatened to escape her. She had to go now, now before he realized more than he did. Now. Run. It was the only way to collect herself, to rescue what she had left. Run. Far. Run. Away. Run.
She hadn’t even turned to the door before his hand captured hers. She stilled, as immobile as a statue at the touch. Slowly, his hand approached her cheek then rested on it. Carefully he turned her back towards him. His fingers caressed over her jaw as his thumb rested on her cheek. More tears dripped from her closed eyes. He sighed, a disappointing tone to it. He released her face, but didn’t let go of her hand. The loss destroyed her.
“Mal.” His voice was soft and echoed through every part of her. “Look at me.”
She dared to open her eyes, dared to look at his face, dared to love him. “Please,” she begged, hating how it sounded so weak, so whiny, so needy, but she had to know. She needed to know. “Let me go. I...” Words abandoned her. Whatever else she thought she could or would say was lost. Gone. She couldn’t, not if he didn’t. She knew that. “Let me go.” The betraying words tumbled from her, weak, needy, wrong. “Just please. My heart can’t.” Her voice caught on the sob. “Not if you don’t…” Another sob swallowed down. “I… Jhalil… please.” She stared at the ground. “Please.” The word was almost a sob.
His fingers rested under her chin. So tender it was torture. Didn’t he get it? Didn’t he understand? She could break, would break. Slowly, he lifted her face to his. She almost couldn’t look, terrified she’d find pity in his eyes or disgust or anything other than what she so desperately wanted and needed from him. His fingers moved, catching the traitor tears that would not stop. His expression softened. He sighed deeply even as he shook his head. He didn’t love her. Why would he, after all? He knew all her faults, all her pride, all her stubbornness, all her selfishness. Why would he love her? Why would she matter that much to him? He knew her too well to love her. She should have known. She shouldn’t have hoped.
Yet, he still held onto her, his hand still holding her cheek, his hand still in hers. Why? He shifted, bringing her closer to him. What was he doing? He didn’t love her. Why did he act like did? His eyes traveled over her face, lingering over her mouth as they did. Why? What was he doing? Didn’t he realize how this was just torture, pain so exquisite she’d beg for more if she could make her mouth work? Gods, did he really not see what he did to her? What she wanted?
Then it was there. That small smile. That small delighted smile that so rarely graced his face, but she’d seen it. The last time was when he was with Eden, a private moment she never should have seen. Yet, she had and now he directed that smile at her. That smile that tugged at his left side more than his right. The Smile. The one that meant he was in love and it was for her.
“You meant it.” The words fell out of her.
“Every last word of it.”
“Oh.”
It was wholly inadequate, useless, a completely stupid word. Yet, what else could she say? He loved her, was in love with her. Jhalil. He who know so much of the worst of her, he still loved her. The pain in her chest exploded away, replaced with a lightness that she could barely suppress. He loved her. Jhalil loved her. When did that happen and Gods, may it never end. She grinned, stupidly, happily.
“You love me,” she said. Her hand closed over his on her cheek.
“Gods save me, yes.”
She chuckled. “They better not.”
submitted by @drbibliophile
the EMOTIONS in this scene!! my heart is on fire!!! fantastic job!! keep up the LOVELY work!!
