Please give us the convoluted Ikra headcanon
i love it when i put out really obvious bait and everyone helpfully takes it. thanks gang.
okay incredibly nonserious headcanon: so jack runs into a, you know how old fighter planes used to paint sexy girls on the front, like this? except there's probably not fighter planes in Aku's future, so they're painting sexy girls on tanks or ships or catapults or something. so jack visits a coastal town preparing for a battle and there's this ship like,
so jack finds a nearby sailor and is like WHAT the fuck is that doing there
and the sailor's like oh, yeah, it's for good luck! that's the goddess of war
and jack's like the HWAT
and the sailor's like okay so there's this folk tale right. this legend. that sometimes the night before a battle, a beautiful woman with green skin and a black dress might appear in one army's camp. and seeing her is a sign of good fortune. if she offers her blessing that means your side will win the battle tomorrow. no one knows who or what she is but for centuries countless soldiers have sworn up and down that they saw her. so she's probably a war goddess
and jack's like, by any chance, does the army win the battle the next day because aku decides to take their side and helps out
and the guy's like, uhhh yeah i think that's happened in one or two of the legends about her.
jack's like so, you see her and you win? and the sailor's like no she's got to GIVE her blessing and jack's like pray tell how does she do that.
and the sailor's like, well you see what happens is she'll wander around talking to the soldiers.
and jack's like uh huh.
and the sailor's like and then she'll pick one of them.
and jack's like uh huh.
and the sailor's like and then she'll fuck him.
and jack's like, oh.
he's like yeah there's a thousand-year-old traditional ballad about the goddess of war blowing a knight and the next day during battle he's possessed by an otherworldly power and slays a hundred men. true story. supposedly.
and jack's just standing there, remembering aku sitting across the campfire, flirtily batting ikra's lashes at him.
so the sailor's like, you've got a funny look, have you seen the goddess of war before? and jack's like, er. well. yes. and the sailor's like, really!! oh wow! didja fuck her? and jack's like no. and the soldier's like aw, too bad. her blessing might've helped you defeat aku. and jack's like, no you know what actually i think i'm okay with it.
and jack resolves to never ever think about it again ever, the end
