#draft 6

I went outside and was met by the crisp autumn air. Softly closing the door behind me, I made my way to the parking lot where the boys had left the car. The lot was dimly lit as I travelled the short distance from our room. I reached the car and carefully placed my foot on the front bumper before pushing myself onto the hood. Leaning back against the windshield, I looked up at the night sky. Stars littered the darkness like tiny beckons of hope. It didn’t matter what state we passed through, the stars always looked the same.

     The hood was cold underneath me as the night continued on. Clouds blotted out some of the stars, but not for long. Leaves scattered across the lot as the wind picked up and carried them away. It was quiet, but there was an uneasiness in the air. I didn’t know what it was, but I felt it. Life had a funny way of warning me when something was going to happen. I pulled my flannel shirt tighter around myself. Taking a deep breath, I focused on the stars. They were my constant in life. Our life wasn't easy. It wasn't pretty or glamorous. It was dark and it was heartbreaking. No matter how dark things seemed I could always count on the stars to shine through though.

     I don’t know how long I stayed there, but the sky was starting to lighten in color and I knew it wouldn’t be long before the boys woke up. The stars slowly faded into the morning glow as I carefully slid off the hood and walked back to our hotel room. Closing the door, I kicked my shoes off and crawled back into bed beside the younger brother hoping to catch a few moments of sleep.

she's the most beautiful person i know. but she's still so insecure about herself. it breaks my heart to hear the way she talks about herself and see the way she looks at herself. so always remind her why you love her and never mention how beautiful she looks to you as genuine as you can. through it all, she might not understand the love you hold for her, but its okay.

if you can't treat her like she deserves the world than at least try to. please. when she loves something, she loves it with her whole heart so don't you dare love her any less than she needs.

don't ever pressure her into anything. if she wants something then she wants it. the same goes for when she doesn’t want something. don’t be that guy to pressure her to do anything. even if you do so unconsciously. If she doesn't want to do anything then you better back off and give her a breather or so help me god. because i swear...

if she's having a panic attack, rub her hair, hold her face, and always assure her with the most calming tone that everything will be alright.

she's goofy and will talk to you in the most annoying voices. play along with her antics and laugh loud because she deserves nothing less. you’ll learn soon enough how annoying you can be too. lastly, she her heart is made of nothing but pure gold so when she loves you, love her back. with your whole heart and whole mind. never let that gold melt. always.

A Novel Update. Sigh.

So, how is the novel, you ask?  Sometimes people do ask me, you know.  And I hardly ever answer with the truth, because I would have to say, “Yeah, it’s a mess.”  I’ve broken every resolution I ever made about the thing.

I was supposed to be done with draft 5 before the year turned new again.  I’m 80 pages away, and I can’t seem to make myself charge forward any more.  Why?  I realized that in…

since I had to get back on vyvance I dont eat, all I ate yesterday was a bowl of cereal. But when I work out or go for a run I guess it wears off and when i get home Im starving, but my parents dont know that, and theyre always complaining about how i dont eat and that i need to eat, so I use this to my advantage. 

ex. Mom: "did you eat anything today?"

me: "no"

mom: "are you hungry" 

me: "not really"

mom: "well you need to eat something!"

1 hour later...

me: "hey mom can we have sushi tonoght?"

mom: "no, were having gumbo"