For a friend...
I donāt really know what you want me to tell you?Ā How Iām doing?Ā How I am feeling?Ā What do I really want to say about the situation?Ā Itās shit, thatās all I can say.Ā Itās fucked up how everything seems fine but thatās the thing about life right?Ā Itās the thing about a coin as they say there are two sides.Ā Was everything alright?Ā Iād like to think so but then again at the same time I donāt really fucking know.Ā Thatās the thing about trust is that you have to trust what other people are telling you even when you donāt know if itās a lie or not.Ā They may say everything is fine when really it isnāt because they donāt want to worry you or they donāt want to hurt you but thatās also the thing about relationships is communication.Ā A relationship is not going to work unless there is communication with one another.Ā Telling each other your faults, what you need to work on and you work on it together.Ā Thatās how you make a relationship work right?Ā You help one another with what each of you are lacking and fuck yes it hurts.Ā Sure it wasnāt long but who gives a shit how long it is?Ā Why donāt you give a little kid a chocolate and theyāre happy as hell and then 2 minuets later you take it away.Ā Within those 2 minuets it felt like a lifetime to that kid.Ā They thought of how it would taste, how they would eat it.Ā How they would feel full after eating it and now you took it and that entire plan is ruined.Ā Of course theyāre going to be sad and of course I am sad about the entire situation so fuck stop asking me if I am okay because the answer is yes.Ā The answer is always going to be yes.Ā I will always tell you I am alright, I will always tell you I am fine or I am doing okay or that itās whatever because I donāt want to worry you.Ā Itās my own feelings, my own problems and I will deal with them just like I deal with them every fucking day of my life.Ā Just like I will deal with them every fucking day of my future because they will always be with me.Ā Do you want me to tell you how I really feel because at this moment I can tell you in 10 different ways and thatās just going up and down as each second passes.Ā Itās shit, the situation is shit and of course I donāt like it.Ā Being told that it would be unfair to me?Ā Being told that the other person is going to be busy to talk to me or interact with me so they want to break up without talking to me about it first.Ā Without even trying to face the problem together like a couple fucking should, like how an actual relationship should work out?Ā If it was my decision I would say fuck it.Ā Saying that youāre going to be to busy for me just makes me pissed and it just sounds like a fucking excuse.Ā As if you just donāt like me the way you use to when you sent that text to me saying you were not planning on leaving at all.Ā Like when you kissed me goodbye before you left back for college.Ā So no I donāt believe that the real reason is what you said in the text message.Ā Iāve been cheated on before, Iāve been lied to before and this entire situation just seems perfect for it but then again at the same time I really donāt fucking know.Ā I donāt fucking know if it is the truth or not so I am just going to have to trust you.Ā Trust the person that just broke up with me that they are not lieing to my face so it doesnāt hurt as much and thatās what will get me through this.Ā That is exactly why I am going to be okay because that is what I am going to believe in.Ā I am just going to believe that you are just to busy and thatās itās to hard on you to continue this relationship with me but fuck how hard itās on me right?Ā Fuck what Iām dealing with while youāre gone right?Ā Itās not like youāre the only one that is having a hard time with this entire situation but at least I was willing to try.Ā If I was not willing to try I would have never asked you out.Ā I would have never asked you out on a date or to be my girlfriend because I knew what was coming.Ā I knew that this was going to be hard on the both of us, that we would have to try to make it work out and apparently I was the only one trying or wait Iām sorry there is another option.Ā Iām sorry I wasnāt worth trying hard enough like he apparently was because you know a few states over is a lot further than just 3 simple hours.Ā There is a big difference between what an 18 hour drive and a 3 or at least I would like to think there is a big difference but I guess I wasnāt worth trying that hard for huh?Ā One week and you were done, you gave up?Ā So yes itās going to hurt and yes Iām going to think of all of this because thatās how my mind works and then I start to think about me.Ā I start to think again if this was all something I did.Ā Did I not come on to you enough?Ā Did I not call or text you enough?Ā Did I not try to open to you enough?Ā I donāt fucking know and thatās why it sucks because if I get with someone else who is to say I wont fuck everything up like this again?Ā Who is to say I wonāt make a mistake somehow that I donāt understand and everything is going to crash like it is now?Ā I just donāt understand.Ā I donāt understand and at the same time I tell myself I do.Ā I will believe in what you texted me because thatās all I can believe in right now.Ā I told you from the beginning that school is more important.Ā I told you from the beginning that I didnāt want to hinder you when it came to school and the fact that youāre saying youāre breaking up with me because school is to busy I just have to respect that decision because itās what I told you to do in a way.Ā No matter how much I believe that I should be the one to choose if I put myself in a fair or unfair position, I will believe what you said.Ā Youāre just trying your best in school and thatās what I want you to do.Ā Of course thatās what I still want you to do because of course I still like you.Ā The feeling of liking you is not going to go away in a few minuets like it was nothing.Ā I will just get over it because thatās the way life works.Ā Life is shit and I will deal with it.Ā I will get over it and move on and keep doing me because all I do is fuck up relationships somehow and I will just sit here, listening to my music and thinking to myself how people do it.Ā How do two people come together and work things out.Ā How do two people have the ability to communicate with one another to make things work out between them.Ā How do two people find each other, someone that is willing to try in a relationship.Ā Someone that is willing to try for the other no matter how hard it may be because they like them that much.Ā How do people find someone that likes them enough to do that, to build a relationship and make it work because relationships are never perfect yet when two people work together at it, it works out because they try, because they put their all into it.Ā How does someone find someone like that?Ā Iām asking for a friend of course, remember Iām alright.Ā Iām okay why would I be asking for myself?Ā Iām all good, Iāll be alright and Iāll work things out myself, Iām just asking for a friend.Ā A friend that doesnāt really fucking know.















