I'm so mad at him ! She deserves better !

Another cool guest sitting down to chat with Suga. Eom Jeong-hwa who I know from Our Blues and who appeared in kdrama Dr Cha earlier this year. She is much more than an actress though. She is known as the Korean Madonna for being the queen of reinvention.

She started out as a singer and dancer. Two of her biggest hits are Poison and Invitation from her 1998 album Invitation and then she moved into acting.

She is no stranger to BTS either. She was one of the guests at J-Hope's Listening Party last year and we have the photographic evidence to prove it.

I have been enjoying the Kdrama, Dr Cha, starring Uhm Jung-Hwa as a woman, Cha Jeong Suk, in her late 40s who, after a health scare, returns to her residency to become a fully certified doctor in South Korea. 

As a (much) older viewer, who has also had to reinvent myself more than once from wife/mother into various professional roles, I find the plot line (while obviously over-the-top for comic effect) pretty realistic. I have to wonder when I read reactions that say she should “just” 

divorce her no-good husband 

start an affair with the second lead

‘throw hands’ at another woman 

make any move that doesn’t fit with her personality, upbringing, or culture 

Who is watching this show? 

Clearly the people I am seeing reactions from are young. They don’t understand how much a woman can become identified with her roles as a wife and a mother. Some of that is personal - some of us lean into that role more than others. Some of it is cultural - why do you think so many of the women in Cha Jeog Suk’s life counsel her to stay in her marriage at first? Because they know how little an unmarried, divorced woman is valued in society. At least her unmarried friend, Baek Mi Hee, has money and therefore status. She is also lonely and wants what Jeong Suk has, even if it isn’t perfect.

In a divorce, Cha Jeong Suk is not guaranteed “95%” of the family finances, as I saw one reviewer proclaim. I don’t know what the divorce laws are like for family or community property in Korea, but I can guarantee you Dr Cha will be worse off financially if she divorces. Even in North America, most women lose financially. Yes, I’m sure you know of someone who “had to give everything to his bitch of a wife in a divorce.” Statistically, that is unusual, no matter what Men’s Rights Groups want you to believe.

Seo In Ho, the husband, has all the power in the family - he inherited money, his mother controls the money, he makes more money. Until after her surgery, Dr Cha had never used his credit card. What does that tell you? Once she goes back to work as a resident she would make some money, yes. I can guarantee it would not be enough to retain the house her husband would still own, or live the life she had been living. If it were, she wouldn’t have moved in the hospital residence.

Divorce is a difficult, complicated issue. It represents a complete failure of her whole adult life. She was young - early 20s - when she had Jung Min and got married. She stayed in medical school in spite of having a baby until Jung Min and her mother were in a car accident - perhaps when he was about 7? Then she had another child the same year her husband was in a program in the US, met his 1st love, had an affair, got her pregnant and came back to Korea. Irang and Eun Seo were born the same year - they are now 16 or 17. She stayed home for 20 years making a home and bringing up her children to be good people, which, in spite of some childish behaviour on the part of the literal children, they have become.

So asking for and planning for a divorce should take some time, don’t you think? It means rejecting her whole life - admitting that EVERYTHING she has worked for was a lie.

Having an affair with Dr. Roy Kim? He is a good person (which is why he is careful about how he deals with her) and she is a little overwhelmed with shit right now. He saved her life (and is very good-looking, and pays attention to her when her husband doesn’t) - she must wonder if any feelings she has are real. She constantly rejects Mi Hee’s hints that he is into her. She ‘builds rapport’ by being there for him when his personal journey goes badly - and she must feel so grateful to be able to repay him a tiny bit for everything he has done for her - but she doesn’t have the space or the time to work out how she’s feeling about him, and anything she decides now could be a disaster down the road. And I’m not sure she is that interested in sex at the moment either - she’s been 10 years without, and she probably thinks she’s over that stage of her life. (It happens. Our sex drive fluctuates through life. A lot.)

Getting into a physical altercation with another woman? Does that seem like Jeong Suk? She is angry throughout most of this show (14 of 16 episodes down), and so far has only thrown a coffee pot and a bracelet. Besides, whether she wants to or not, she feels for Choi Seung Hi, the other woman in this story. She thought her husband was worth giving things up for too, for a long time. She rightly puts most of the blame on him, although she would still like Dr Choi to leave the hospital!  

Finally, it amazes me that people watch shows deeply rooted in a different culture, with different philosophical roots and ways of seeing the world, and demand that the plot conform to their own narrow understanding. North American/white Protestant values are not the norm worldwide. Watching Korean dramas (and I am quite new to this) shows how often Confucian or Buddhist thinking underpins everything, even when the characters themselves are neither. The cultures are steeped in a way of seeing, a way of moving through the world. It’s important to step back and try to see that. Isn’t learning more about the way other people experience life the point of all fiction?