Jan 24, 2021
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DPS Weekly Photo Challenge - the Dinner Table
DPS Weekly Photo Challenge – the Dinner Table
Some shots from my Dinner Table: https://flic.kr/p/DWoeTh (more…)
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against evolution
It's his first foray into spoken word, and honestly, he feels kind of silly. He practices in front of the mirror and he can't stop his voice from shaking, so he prays he won't have to read this at the next meeting; he wonders if it's too opaque (deliberately so?), this parallel of the cruelty of survival of the fittest to his own inability to slide into place in any system, back home in Georgia or here, where the boys are vicious and tortured all at once.
Dead Poets Society Challenge [Jan 28, 2015]
Red isn't such a becoming color on you, my son. Wash it off, before it consumes you. Before it becomes you, before it rips at your very being. Before you explode Red isn't such a becoming color on you, my son. Bury it. Bury it deep, deep, deep down below the surface of your being. Contain it until you forget it's within you. Red isn't such a becoming color on you, my son. Why do I have to keep telling you? Do you think that you're the one who can defy my rules? You're wrong. Red isn't such a becoming color on you, my son. Learn to control yourself. They did. There must be something wrong with you, then. What is it? Red isn't such a becoming color on you, my son. It hasn't surfaced in a while. You seem to be getting better. I guess you learned the tricks of the trade. Red isn't such a becoming color on you, my son. But it's still the only fucking color I know.
Challenge 001
Family
Always there for you, Always always there. What happens when the trust becomes betrayed? Fear takes its hold, Chilling your confidence Nowhere to turn as you struggle inside No one understands you... "Faggot"
All the torment inside at such a simple word, Each word turns to demeaning phrases Reading stories of rejections makes the fear more real. Months turn to years, Two, too many in hiding "Save the goal, don't let us down!" "I won't, but I have, you just don't know it yet."
Then it comes, the onslaught of truth, A family dinner gone awry. Dad chokes, mother cries, siblings stare in shock.
There is no light at the end of the tunnel As weeks go by walking on egg shells. The talk finally arises- and in the end:
All pain is absolved, Darkness turns to light, Fear becomes courage Rejection becomes:
Acceptance.
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treading water.
silence.
in the greatest act of passion, the o's of the mouth omit silence.
i feel nascent numbness; my nerves cutting off at the nape of my neck.
is it the depression or the drugs?
what fuels me kills me; the irony is i know this and i love it.
how poetic, to die by your own hand.
how pathetic, to want it that way.
the worst part is how you can think all of this when you're wrapped up in
another person.
the words replay over and over in my head.
you're ruining yourself.
the words replay over and over in my head in my head.
you're ruining ruining yourself.
you're ruining yourself. self.
i try to shut it out, to light up to snort up and lock these thoughts up.
zoloft and abilify and paxil and prozac.
i know the chemistry of them all and they cannot fix the chemistry of
myself.
Challenge one: Self Exploration