#dprobin

With her bags fully packed Vitani scanned over her room once more. She had almost spent a whole year in the semi small room. Alot of things had happened but all that she saw now was heart break. Everything and anything reminded her of him. That is all she could think about. What she had done and how her whole life seemed almost over. To come to terms with this feeling was hard enough but it was the only way she could go about it right now. After what happened. What she did to herself and to the person she loved more then anything...there was only one thing to do. Go home. Not forever and not for long, but if she was going to pull herself together, make herself worthy of Robin again...she needed to regain her true self. Rotting in bed was not helping anything and being anywhere near him was tearing her to pieces.

Making her way down the two flights of stairs she dragged her bag to the door. Kicking it over to the side the natural scowl on her face was filled with sadness. She was leaving what was them. For the last 5 months nobody mattered at this school but herself and Robin. That was gone and he clearly wanted nothing to do with her. That alone was keeping her on the track of going home. Peering through the front window of the dorm building she looked through the gates...waiting for the car to arrive, so she can crawl back home. As it felt like hours, but really only minutes Vitani let out a huff. She couldnt leave yet, she couldnt. Quickly turning around Vitanis red hair flew over her shoulders and she faced the stairs.

She took off at them for once. Taking them two by two she moved up the flights. Sophomore Floor. Junior Floor. Then she reached the senior floor. Not even out of breath she felt her body get a bit overwhelmed. This was it, she was going to force herself to face him. Passing through the commons she saw people she didnt know, they didnt matter. Door swinging to the boys hall she almost ran to his room.  It was all so natural but all so sad at the same time. As he door got closer she gripped on the handle and flung the door open. Almost sliding she came to a halt just inside his door. At this point she was slightly out of breath. Vitani took in a few quick breaths before she shifted her eyes up, and there he was.

Vitani finally woke up from what felt  like a coma. Her eyes were barely open but she could see. The room was different. Snow was gone. All of her things were missing. Vitani didnt even think twice about it. It wasnt what was important. Sitting up she still felt numb. For what was almost two weeks she had never left her bed, unless needed. When her feet hit the cold tile floor she closed her eyes again and let her body gain some strength. Still in tights and a tshirt she slid her feet against the tile and moved towards her desk. The glass from the mirror she shattered two weeks ago was still randomly about the floor. 

She knew what she needed to do, there was no question about it. If there was one thing she was full of it was passion. Not the love passion but the passion for what she wanted. What she needed. What made her a better person. That was Robin. He was the only thing that made her make sense. Sitting at the desk chair she slowly scanned over the desk. It wasnt there. Her diary. Thinking about it for a second she remembered that it was in the bottom drawer. Reaching for it she pulled it open and threw the medium sized old book onto the desk. Pen in hand she flipped through the pages. What she had written in the past was nothing compared to what she was about to write. Finally getting to a blank page she took in a deep breath. Touching the pen to the paper she slowly felt herself get upset again. Just the thought of what she had done. What she did to herself, and more importantly what she did to the only person she could love. It broke her. Breathing slowly she began to slowly write.

Robin,

      For the first time in two weeks i have had the strength to get out of my bed. The only reason is because of you. You are the only reason im still me. I know you probably already know that, but i am just reminding you, that you still are the one and only thing i care about. 

I know what i did can never be undone. As much as i want and wish and hate that everything happened. I know i can not take it back. My  father would of told me the same thing Robin. You cannot undo what has been done. You can only learn from what happened and turn that problem around. Robin I was the problem. When i was infront of you in your room I was delusional. Unable to breath, unable to speak, unable  to connect with the mistake that i had made. 

This was a game that i thought i would win. I went against my better no...best judgement. I went against everything i stand for to try to beat a force that was too strong. I could just kill myself for playing a game where i put you at stake. The attraction wasnt to the individual, it was to the situation. My drive to beat him at his game. If i could do it over again i would throw him off the roof, anything. You just need to know that I never wanted it to happen. It wasnt feelings it was my thick headed stupidity. I respect your distrust in me Robin. As much as that breaks me in half to think that you would ever distrust me...i respect it. My actions hurt you and that is what hurts me the most. I did something that broke you. I never want to break you. This alone has almost killed me.

My love, i am not going to come to you begging. You are better then that. I plan on being strong. I am trying. You just need to know that i love you. Robin you know, or knew that you completed me. I didnt need anything but you. This feeling and this place that you have filled in my life will never go away. You are far too important Robin Hood. Just please read this and know that i will never give up on you and I, because once you find the one, you never give up. I belong to you, even if you dont want me. I will forever be yours.

Love,

Vitani

As Vitani wrote the last line of her letter the tears began to stream down her face. That line alone was the one thing she believed in. Robin was the only thing she belonged with, and until then she would have to be his from a distance. Re reading everything she finally took in a deep breath and ripped it from the book. Holding the two pages in her hands she felt them tremble. Composure was all she cared about right now. She need to look strong, feeling strong was a far away from this moment in time. Standing she shuffled out of her room. The door closing behind her she moved through the hallway. Finding the stairs leading to the senior floor.

Flynn walked out of his room. Being what was almost a coma for a good three weeks he finally decided to face the world. Well not excatly the world. He had one  thing on his mind and one thing only. His only friend Robin. 

In his normal old jeans, black teacher and motorcycle boots Flynn made his way down the hall way. Hair a little longer then before his face was different. All fucks were out the window as it was clear to anyone who saw him. Face covered in a beard Flynn didnt make eye contact with anyone. Knowing about what happened between his friend and his 'fake sister' he knew it was time to come out of hiding.

The flight separating him from the senior floor didnt take too long to climb. Thinking stepping out into public again would be a drag Flynn just weaved around people. He noticed new people but he didnt care. Now it was all about waiting out the time till his sentence to this institution was over. Girl, no matter. Anyone else, didnt exsist. Pushing through to the boys hall he went to the room he had only been to once. When he had his drug mishap. Reaching the door he rolled his eyes slowly hoping he was at least in there by himself. Hand slowly rising he let his knuckles tap at the door. Rapping three times he got louder with each hit. Impatient and also nervous someone might notice it was him he grabbed the door handle and pushed the door open. 

last night we made the trip back home. To Rockford that is. Instead of going out in Chicago all us Rockford natives and those of my friends  that still call this their home went out.

My friend Mari, Hillary and myself came back to our old home town and shit got crazy. Attending the normal Thursday here in Screw City//Rockford we got reckless.

Started drinking at 6 with all the boys. Went to the bar. About bar time my brother got punched in the face. By who...nobody knows. Too crowded to tell. Being the person that i am i was livid. Nobody touches my baby brother.

Some drunk douche bad was taunting people outside and just was a jack off soo i punched him in the face. Later to find out it was his friend that punched my brother.

Sooo my hand is swollen yes. Why? Because i had an unclassy moment and punched someone. Not the first time but round two tonight...and round three tomorrow.

Vitanis Music: