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ššš“š šøš³ : Ā BLONDIE  ⦠@downfll
Ā Ā Ā šššššš ššššššš šššš ššš šššš šš
ššš šššš šššš ššššššš šššššš.Ā itĀ digsĀ andĀ digsĀ andĀ digsĀ likeĀ aĀ worm,Ā consumesĀ likeĀ aĀ parasiteĀ andĀ spreadsĀ likeĀ aĀ deadlyĀ disease.Ā someĀ areĀ ableĀ toĀ recover,Ā healĀ andĀ moveĀ forward.Ā theĀ cratersĀ blastedĀ intoĀ theirĀ coreĀ eventuallyĀ bridge,Ā mendingĀ backĀ togetherĀ untilĀ theĀ onlyĀ evidenceĀ leftĀ areĀ theĀ outlineĀ ofĀ fossils,Ā scarsĀ carvedĀ alongĀ theĀ dunes.Ā justĀ aĀ brief,Ā darkĀ momentĀ inĀ theĀ overarchingĀ timeline.Ā forĀ thoseĀ lessĀ fortunate,Ā itĀ ravagesĀ likeĀ aĀ cancerĀ andĀ ifĀ allowedĀ toĀ growĀ andĀ metastasized,Ā canĀ evenĀ proveĀ Ā FATAL.Ā each Ā one Ā of Ā them Ā mustĀ chooseĀ howĀ toĀ carry Ā it,Ā Ā how Ā to Ā control Ā itĀ Ā (Ā how Ā to Ā CONTAIN Ā itĀ Ā )Ā Ā else Ā risk Ā hurting Ā thoseĀ aroundĀ them.Ā Ā
Ā Ā Ā bucky Ā does Ā not Ā know Ā steveās Ā story Ā and Ā he Ā does Ā not Ā assume Ā anythingĀ otherĀ thanĀ theĀ fact Ā they Ā are Ā both Ā soldiers Ā struggling Ā to Ā heal Ā from Ā wounds Ā that Ā areĀ stillĀ bleeding.Ā Ā
Ā Ā Ā atĀ firstĀ glance,Ā theirĀ individualĀ approachesĀ toĀ recoveryĀ appearĀ distinctivelyĀ different.Ā barnesĀ walksĀ with Ā a Ā certain Ā BRAVADO Ā - Ā an Ā air Ā of Ā ease, Ā a Ā swagger Ā of Ā indifference Ā -Ā seeminglyĀ unbotheredĀ by Ā anything Ā going Ā on Ā around Ā him. Ā he Ā is Ā notoriously Ā blunt Ā withĀ hisĀ words,Ā flippant Ā with Ā his Ā choices, Ā brash Ā with Ā his Ā actions.Ā Ā look Ā at Ā him !Ā Ā walkinā Ā onĀ cloudĀ nine,Ā aināt Ā he ?Ā Ā the Ā lack Ā of Ā limb Ā only Ā made Ā him Ā all Ā the Ā more Ā buoyant.Ā Ā āĀ ITĀ ISĀ AĀ FACADE, Ā a Ā lie. Ā his Ā defense, Ā his Ā SHIELD. Ā like Ā a Ā spider Ā weaving Ā aĀ tightĀ web,Ā heĀ weavesĀ scarĀ tissue Ā on Ā top Ā of Ā scar Ā tissue, Ā desperateĀ Ā ( frantic ) Ā to Ā hide Ā the Ā rot Ā beneath,Ā butĀ itĀ isĀ stillĀ present, Ā growing Ā at Ā his Ā core Ā - Ā the Ā disease, Ā theĀ PARASITEĀ feeding Ā andĀ andĀ infectingĀ andĀ spreading. Ā he Ā can Ā try Ā to Ā build Ā as Ā many Ā layers Ā between Ā it andĀ theĀ surfaceĀ asĀ heĀ wants,Ā DECAY Ā will Ā eventually Ā consume.Ā the Ā rot Ā will Ā seep Ā through,Ā pusĀ oozingĀ fromĀ skinĀ pulled Ā too Ā tight Ā and Ā stretched Ā too Ā thin.Ā he Ā is Ā aware.Ā he Ā knows Ā heĀ isĀ aĀ tickingĀ timebomb.Ā fuck, Ā nat Ā reminds Ā him Ā almost Ā everyĀ day. Ā he Ā compartmentalizes,Ā whichĀ is Ā just Ā a Ā fancy Ā word Ā cowards Ā use Ā to Ā avoid Ā their Ā problems. ā Ā he Ā cannotĀ beĀ botheredĀ toĀ care.Ā Ā he Ā is Ā okayĀ -Ā for Ā now.Ā Ā his Ā trauma Ā is Ā a Ā nightmareĀ toĀ beĀ dealtĀ withĀ tomorrow.Ā today Ā - Ā well Ā today, Ā he Ā is Ā far Ā more Ā concerned Ā about Ā feeding Ā his Ā sugarĀ addiction.Ā you Ā know, Ā PRIORITIES.Ā
Ā Ā Ā onĀ theĀ absoluteĀ otherĀ endĀ ofĀ theĀ spectrumĀ isĀ steve,Ā holdingĀ hisĀ breathĀ asĀ heĀ timidlyĀ walksĀ alongĀ hisĀ tightrope,Ā hyperawareĀ ofĀ hisĀ everyĀ step.Ā there Ā are Ā times Ā whenĀ buckĀ can Ā find Ā some Ā kind Ā of Ā distraction Ā from Ā his Ā troubles,Ā Ā even Ā if Ā itĀ isĀ onlyĀ forĀ theĀ briefestĀ ofĀ moments.Ā alcohol,Ā sugar,Ā sex,Ā adrenaline,Ā drugs ...Ā &&Ā forĀ aĀ singleĀ second,Ā heĀ canĀ forget.Ā Ā heĀ allowsĀ himselfĀ toĀ beĀ carelessĀ likeĀ that.Ā Ā steveĀ onĀ theĀ otherĀ handĀ doesĀ notĀ seemĀ toĀ carryĀ thisĀ sameĀ kindĀ ofĀ recklessĀ abandon.Ā Ā on Ā the Ā contrary,Ā theĀ poorĀ guyĀ seemsĀ constantly Ā aware Ā of Ā his Ā own Ā presenceĀ andĀ thatĀ mostĀ likelyĀ meansĀ heĀ isĀ alsoĀ constantlyĀ awareĀ ofĀ hisĀ traumaĀ andĀ howĀ itĀ impactsĀ thoseĀ heĀ comesĀ intoĀ contactĀ with.Ā socially, Ā he Ā is Ā an Ā absolute Ā mess, Ā but Ā thatās Ā okay.Ā barnesĀ isĀ enoughĀ ofĀ aĀ socialĀ butterflyĀ toĀ makeĀ upĀ forĀ it.Ā they Ā sort Ā of Ā BALANCE Ā each Ā other Ā out, Ā donāt Ā they ?Ā hisĀ Ā ying Ā to Ā rogersā Ā YANG.Ā itās Ā kinda Ā poetic, Ā aināt Ā it ?Ā Ā he Ā has Ā got Ā a Ā good Ā feeling Ā aboutĀ steve.Ā maybe, Ā just Ā maybe Ā they Ā can Ā become Ā each Ā otherās Ā saving Ā grace.
Ā Ā Ā hahĀ -Ā yeahĀ fuckināĀ right.Ā Ā Ā likeĀ heĀ canĀ beĀ saved.Ā Ā
Ā Ā Ā maybeĀ steveĀ canĀ beĀ though.Ā asĀ heĀ watchesĀ theĀ otherĀ manĀ fumbleĀ withĀ hisĀ words,Ā buckĀ pondersĀ hisĀ potential. maybeĀ theĀ storyĀ ofĀ steveĀ rogersĀ canĀ writeĀ itselfĀ intoĀ somethingĀ LEGENDARYĀ Ā andĀ maybeĀ buckyĀ barnesĀ canĀ haveĀ aĀ handĀ inĀ craftingĀ it.Ā &&Ā wouldnātĀ Ā thatĀ beĀ somethingĀ special ?Ā HIS FINAL ACTĀ Ā ;;Ā Ā oneĀ lastĀ goodĀ deedĀ -Ā helpingĀ someoneĀ whoĀ needsĀ help. someoneĀ whoĀ DESERVESĀ toĀ beĀ saved.Ā donātĀ beĀ soĀ presumptuous,Ā james.Ā heĀ canĀ hearĀ hisĀ fatherāsĀ voiceĀ atĀ hisĀ earĀ andĀ asĀ muchĀ asĀ heĀ enjoysĀ jumpingĀ atĀ anyĀ opportunityĀ toĀ defyĀ theĀ bastard,Ā Ā heĀ knowsĀ toĀ takeĀ heed.Ā Ā hisĀ handsĀ haveĀ provenĀ toĀ causeĀ moreĀ damageĀ thanĀ goodĀ andĀ theĀ lastĀ thingĀ heĀ wantsĀ isĀ toĀ becomeĀ yetĀ anotherĀ TOXINĀ poisoningĀ anĀ alreadyĀ dyingĀ body.Ā Ā
Ā Ā Ā steveĀ confirmsĀ hisĀ heritageĀ andĀ asĀ heĀ learnsĀ theĀ fateĀ ofĀ hisĀ father,Ā barnesĀ frownsĀ withĀ sincereĀ sympathy.Ā Ā āĀ sorryĀ ā boutĀ that.Ā āĀ Ā heĀ doesĀ notĀ haveĀ anyĀ otherĀ detailsĀ andĀ steveĀ doesĀ notĀ seemĀ eagerĀ toĀ shareĀ them.Ā howĀ theĀ manĀ hadĀ diedĀ andĀ when,Ā duringĀ whichĀ war.Ā Ā howĀ bigĀ ofĀ anĀ impactĀ wasĀ leftĀ behindĀ byĀ hisĀ departure.Ā Ā ifĀ steveĀ hadĀ aĀ solidĀ relationshipĀ withĀ theĀ manĀ ;;Ā ifĀ heĀ wasĀ heartbroken.Ā Ā aĀ fatherĀ isĀ aĀ fatherĀ though,Ā evenĀ aĀ badĀ fatherĀ Ā -Ā Ā andĀ theyĀ areĀ allĀ affectedĀ byĀ thatĀ lossĀ inĀ someĀ wayĀ orĀ another.Ā steveāsĀ voiceĀ remainsĀ levelĀ andĀ stereotypicallyĀ politeĀ thoughĀ andĀ heĀ isĀ quickĀ toĀ retreatĀ intoĀ theĀ otherĀ room,Ā leavingĀ buckĀ inĀ theĀ dark,Ā leftĀ wondering.Ā Ā Ā
Ā Ā Ā āĀ twiceĀ aĀ week,Ā āĀ heĀ sighs,Ā collapsingĀ intoĀ theĀ officeĀ chairĀ oppositeĀ theĀ desk.Ā āĀ myĀ roommateĀ kindaĀ threatensĀ meĀ ifĀ iĀ donātĀ showĀ up.Ā Ā -- sheāsĀ aĀ peach.Ā āĀ Ā Ā heĀ chewsĀ theĀ meatĀ ofĀ hisĀ cheekĀ andĀ tipsĀ hisĀ head.Ā Ā ā Ā what about you ?Ā Ā iĀ donātĀ thinkĀ iāveĀ seenĀ youĀ inĀ groupĀ sessionĀ before.Ā āĀ Ā heĀ sniffsĀ andĀ smacksĀ hisĀ lipsĀ whenĀ heĀ seesĀ theĀ cookies,Ā goldenĀ smileĀ flashingĀ onĀ hisĀ face.Ā Ā
Ā Ā Ā āĀ whatāsĀ ourĀ haul,Ā captain ?Ā āĀ Ā gosh,Ā heĀ hopesĀ itsĀ snickerdoodle.Ā Ā heĀ isĀ inĀ suchĀ aĀ moodĀ forĀ snickerdoodle.