I killed two birds with one giant step for mankind today in that I fell down a wide, concrete stair (step down?) because I was using my smartphone and I ruined any professorial authority as my misstep was a spectacle for students:

Whilst trying to send an email to help out a student, I sauntered into an unfamiliar area and failed to realize my terrain had those wide, concrete steps leading down (like the kind you can sit down in a pseudo-stadium set up for an impromptu outdoor performance). I am completely ignorant of where I was physically at the time since I was too mentally focused at the time: some lackey administrator was trying to screw over one of my students, so I was vehemently releasing insufferably sweet disdain through my fingertips and focusing all my attention on rhetorically bashing this dumbass's face with my words. Back to reality, my foot did not make the comfortably immediate contact with the ground that I had expected and kept moving down in thin air, so my now heavily paper-laden messenger bag shifted to the front thereby shifting my center of gravity and helped hurl me forward that much faster. Ingrained primitive survival instincts arose from the bellows like a fire traveling through an elevator shaft in some Keanu Reeves movie. Not only did I finish the word I was typing (which was detrimental, btw) but I thrust my left knee and my right hand towards the ground while lifting my left hand up to protect my phone all the while stopping me from completely rolling down the concrete steps headed towards the science building (what the hell I was doing walking towards there is beyond me).

After the initial impact, my right hand and wrist thrust me to turn 180 degrees the other way so I could plot my butt down as a brake, and much to my surprise, I only fell down the first step. As I sat on the ground, I completed the email, rose up, laughed to the point of tears, and realized a significant number of my students saw the whole event unfold in blissfully magical retribution, for I had just sternly dismissed class early since they were not wanting to participate in class today. I mean, I am now facing the quad and shamefully recognize their faces and see their bodies frozen in place at various places on the numerous sidewalks or grassy knolls; they are all just mannequins.

Well, that lasted maybe 5 seconds, and then those sweet, sweet jerks waited to figure out whether I was crying out of pain or just laughing like a moron. As the concerned faces ebbed, they started laughing too. Guffaws resounded loudly off the bricks helping to usher my walk with the melody of humiliation. Beautiful, disgusting humiliation. Thank all that exists in the universe that the end of the semester is next Wednesday with only the final exam day 'cause those students will never take me seriously again. Ironically, I believe they have all signed up for my classes next semester, so that is just gonna be marvelous.