#dontfeeddaelves

 i remember reading a homestuck fanfiction once, where after a main character died, one of his friends played the piano constantly. like he played the piano before his friend died, but AFTER his friend died all he would do was sit at the piano, play this somber piano music and sits and stare at the wall (the fanfic is called “being dead aint easy (SBURB REMIX)” and you can read it here http://archiveofourown.org/works/394431?view_full_work=true )

 imagine that, after arthur gets out of the hospital, he immerses himself in his mechanics and his piano playing.  he works on his arm for hours upon hours at a time, and eventually if he gets too frustrated he goes to his piano. that beloved instrument that got him through high school, gave him another creative outlet that he genuinely LOVED, gave him another thing in common with lewis. he remembers all those hours he sat at that piano, being the piano accompany to lewis' violin. and he gets lost in his sorrow and memories of lewis. 

 lance comes home from poker night 6 hours later and arthur is still at the piano, eyes dim and glassy. it takes a bit of shaking before lance can bring arthur out of the trance  galahad has been biting arthurs arm for the past hour trying to get SOME kind of reaction out of him. after some prompting from lance, he eats a few slices of surf's up surprise pizza, because he honestly cant remember the last time he ate anything, until he finally crashes on the kitchen table after so many sleepless nights.

 except sometimes lance hears something besides the depressing music that arthur created. sometimes he hears this dissonant pounding on the keys, and its so different from anything arthur would normally play but its the most emotion hes heard from the poor kid in weeks.

and in his mind, arthur is letting out all of his frustrations about that night. all of this anger that he's directed at himself, all of this anger about how he couldnt control himself, how he was so young he shouldnt have died it should have beenmeiTSHOULDHAVEBEENME​

 and he just pounds his fists down on the keys and he barely even notices how he cracks one of the ivory pieces.

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flash forward to some time much much later, after lewis has forgiven arthur, but arthur still hasnt forgiven himself

 the gang is hanging out in the mansion, and somehow arthur discovers that lewis has a grand piano in one of the rooms. lewis knew how to play the piano when he was alive, so it doesnt come as much of a surprise to arthur, hell it probably came with the mansion. sure violin was lewis’ main instrument but he would sometimes make arthur teach him basic piano stuff whenever he came to visit.

 violins line one side of the wall, with the piano kind of tucked away in the corner. and when arthur finds this room, tucked away in a small corner of the mansion, even though it brings up painful memories, he eventually admits to himself that he is starting to miss the piano.

 so he sits down and begins playing one of his depressing songs again, not as heavy as before but its still somber and nowhere close to the happy tunes he used to practice. and from then on, whenever he gets upset or frustrated in the mansion, he tries to sneak away to that little room. its usually after he's had a nightmare, or if he just plain cant sleep. he still tries to play quietly so no one will come in and bust him though.

but eventually one of lewis’ deadbeats hears this depressing tune, has been hearing it for quite some time, and even though it may not know why arthur plays such sorrowful songs, it can tell that arthur is still upset. and it goes and tells lewis, that arthur has been sneaking around trying to play on this piano and not get caught for quite a while now.

 and it makes lewis so heartbroken; that arthur still blames himself so much that he plays this sorrowful music, that sometimes there are fallen tears on the black and white keys, soft mutterings that "he shouldnt have forgiven me, i dont deserve it.” but then lewis gets even more heartbroken when he realizes that "he became so afraid of me that he still feels like he has to sneak around, in what should be a safe place for him now, afraid of doing something he loves, just because hes afraid ill get mad again?" 

and one of these sleepless nights, long after the moon has risen and vivi has gone to bed, lewis drifts down to that long forgotten music room, and sure enough arthur is gently tapping away on the keys.  and, still invisible, lewis reaches over to one of the violins on the wall, and ever so softly begins to pluck the tune of one of arthurs favorite songs

 and arthur just begins weeping again, and lewis feels so heartbroken for an instant, but he keeps playing because he needs arthur to know that hes forgiven him and he doesnt need to be afraid anymore.