#donrkillme

I am actually just really bored right now, i get the feeling that i should do something or look at something great, but then i look at my options and i see nothing. So welcome to my completely pointless rant!😁 everyday feels the same, i wake up, go to work, come home, and get on the internet. Sometimes i sleep sometimes i don't, i have very bad insomnia. And i immediately think of Hisogon every minute of my life. Honestly i don't know why i do, but when i look or read about it it makes my heart dance and it makes me unbelievably happy!😀 it completes me the way those to are togehter, i can't even explain it. I love Gon and I love Hisoka as if they were real, and some might say that its bad, and i would agree and disagree. You see, you have to stop looking for the right answer because there isn't one. Just one you believe is right and to others it may seem wrong or stupid, im young, really young and i feel older than dirt andsome people say i look older than what i am. How can we make people see our side of the story? See, right there, you can't. You can't MAKE them do anything and if you look at how a human person acts you will see you will only make them rebel more by telling them they can't do something. You can express your opinion, its their loss if they don't agree with you just as much as it is yours by not listening to them. How can we be assertive about it? Don't ask me, im not assertive at all, but nor can you walk all over me like you own me. Contradictory? Yes, but isn't that life? Yes. I'm not telling you to give up hope, im just telling you its pointless to worry so much. There are still people out there who will always want to listen to what you say, look at yourself, their are other people who share the same opinions so if you ever feel like no one is listening you just have to shout louder. Now, i can go on and on telling you beautiful encouraging words but as you can see im just basically bored. I paused right in the middle of this to make a sandwich for my mom and me (it was good by the way) and we just went on and on about "why are you eating this after we had dinner earlier and when its almost midnight?" My mom replied with, "you can have one too." And i got up to make it without another word. Lol, we have the best relationship😆 we are actually a realy close family and my aunt calls us wierd. Although her kids thinks its nice and they like to come over to our house a lot. Since im in a sharing mood, why don't i talk about myself a little? My real name is Angel, not telling my last name or my age, and i think im female, im 5'5 and my family are titans. I live a wonderfully peaceful life working and living. I have bipolar depression as well as slight paranoia. I was seeing a counselor to talk to and finaly told someone about my past. I hate myself for feeling this weak and thinking, "I wish someone told me, 'it must have been hard on you.' And smile gently at me.", i kept telling myself to stop pitying myself and that i was pathetic to do so and telling myself yeah, it was sad, but not as sad as other things. Half of the things that had happened to me don't even compare to what others had to go through, it must have been hell for them. I Hope they find peace, i really do. Hell knows they deserve it, and to the person who affected me i hope she has a great life i hooe she will she what she is doing and get her life straight, i have never felt angry at her and i never blamed her for what she did. She had a messed up life and i saw that, i understood her reason and i want her to know that even if she doesn't remember eve if she denies it, its fine. I forgave her a long time ago. But she needs to know that running away wont solve anything, i never pretended it never happened,(hell, i couldn't) and i got through it even though it is part of the reason im this way. Why am i making this public? It's hard to keep a secret for so long, and i don't know im bored give me a break! People aren't even reading this long into it, why should they care? But thats okay, i have no real reason for posting this. I guess i jut want someone to know me, to see me for what i really am. I was readinthis one manga about a little boy who basically got raped by an older man, and as he sat there right outside of the house his friends were in calling for their help but humiliated at the thought of them seeing this, i cried for 2 days. Im not kidding. It messed me up so bad even thinking about it now i want to cry. I wanted to hold the boy and tell him it was going to be alright, i wanted him to forget it and to feel safe again. But he will never forget it. That man ruined his life, and this is not Hisogon, Hisogon is different and we all know that. No this was dirty, there was no mutual feeling, it wasn't pleasurable or left you with a warm feeling, this was actual rape. So if you want to rant about how Hisogon is the same, i dare you, i triple fuckin dog dare you to find it and see the real difference. I wanted to end the guys fucking life, how dare he! Hisoka is at least hot and that guy was sooo not, i know that doesnt really matter right now but god! I started writing this at 11 anit is now 11 57 i am so done. If you read this far congrats, your just as bored as i am! Luve you goodbye!!!😆😆😆 Gon is Bae, Hisoka is Life