#dolphinrambles

i understand why people are confused by leeroy not transitioning publicly irl and still using he/him, but i really don't think that disproves that jax is trans. i know none of my followers need to hear this (probably) but here's why the argument annoys me ig.

for one, lots of people start their transition privately/only among close friends/only for themselves, and they wouldn't be out online and at work immediately, which seems likely for jax. additionally, are we forgetting how she reacted in the circus after she even vaguely implied to ribbit that she was trans? that complete sabotage of their friendship just because ribbit kind of knew comes from something that happened to leeroy as well. she's the same person as she is in the circus, with the main difference being that the circus actively encourages her making herself worse. i still think it'd take a damn long time for her to be ready to accept herself healthily irl too!

Like she avoided her name at work by not writing it on her name tag yet here at the end of the shift it greets her. it feels almost like an insult.

Ooh this is a good point!! Honestly, that entire episode felt like a huge representation of how Jax cannot handle being faced with reality. Her name is, of course, both deeply connected to her transness and her identity as a human, and acknowledging one means acknowledging the other in some way, even if subconsciously. She can't be only one or the other, and avoiding both only compounds, and in this episode, she is forced to confront it.

So I agree that it's a bitter ending to what was probably already a really challenging day for her. She was forced to act as the human she's been desperately pretending she isn't, and in the process, she is forced to be uncomfortably herself, so she'll take what she can get by writing "I don't care" on the name tag. But of course, the adventure doesn't care how Jax feels, so she gets her name plastered right on the front of her car in the end to remind her who she is. (I think this would hurt at first like you mentioned, since it feels like a big slap in the face, and then after that she might use it as a springboard from which to put herself back in the mindset of her archetypal role as "Jax")

So basically: resigned, worn out, and still returning to the car, aka her role as "Jax," to play-act something she isn't because as unpleasant as it is, she is even more afraid of facing reality.