Okay so for the past few weeks I’ve been having anxiety about the day I die, who I am in this world, all that fun stuff that everyone loves to talk about out of everything else

The things that come to mind include (but aren’t limited to) why the hell I’m still going on in this crazy world, what’s wrong with me, do the people around me really like me or do they just hang around me out of sheer pity, why couldn’t I have paid attention more in elementary and middle school, why am I such a fucking loser all the time, I’m never gonna be able to be a functioning member of society, maybe I should end things here, don’t be stupid that’d cause more problems for everyone, that’s just selfish, am I a burden on my family, they say they love me but why don’t I believe them?

This really messes me up and it's gotten to the point where I don't sleep because of all these things rushing through my mind making me all on edge and wanting to just crawl into the darkest pit and cry for a century

It's one of the main reasons that I am the way I am IRL. I don't want to see people feel this and it pains me to know when they do. So I just act all hyper and sometimes over the top with arm motions and very hugging-y (for lack of a better term)

Honestly, I’m just so sick and tired of all this bull hockey. Sometimes I just really want to end it all but the thing that keeps me away is that fear of death. What happens after? Besides my body slowly rotting six feet under or being burned and kept in a jar? Is there an afterlife? Doubt it, but I wish.

I don't like feeling alone, but I hate large crowds of people too. Being in a huge crowd feels suffocating, there's way too much noise, and more often than not, there's no familiar face. A lot of times I just feel like there’s no one I can trust (save for one person who I trust more than anyone), even my “friend” that I’ve known since 8th grade doesn’t feel like a friend. Just feels like “Hey! It’s that guy that calls himself my best friend but literally knows Jack shit about what I think, how I feel, the kind of things that go on in my mind”

In all honesty. I'm sick of being human. Sick of living in this point in time. I know that the past hasn't been that great of you actually look at it, but there's gotta be a time better than now. College is way harder to get into and even if you have a degree to become a doctor you can still end up serving fries at Burger King.

I swear the only things keeping me sane and not go on a complete mental shutdown are fandoms, Gravity Falls, Steven Universe, Over the Garden Wall. They all show a place that's a lot better but a lot worse at the same time. It gives me hope that nothing is worthless. Things have a chance of getting better

Wow this actually turned out longer than I expected.... Thanks for listening if you actually got to this point. It may not seem like much, but it means a lot that someone would actually take time from their day/night to listen to this gobbilty gook. You're seriously the coolest right now