#doctorproblems

Until I get thrown back into the world of medical fuckery. Am I nervous? Scared? Anxious? Confused? Just plain fucking sad?!? WHAT IS THIS FUCKING FEELING ?!?!?

When you know too much about the pathophysiology of COVID and ARDS and know that all these ventilators everyone is rushing to produce are little more than a feel good measure because other than the specific ICU ventilators with their specific lung protective ventilation modes, ARDS is just going to get worse until they are on FiO2 100%, PEEP 15, and I:E of 1:4, PEAK of 40 and satting in the 80’s. And having 1000’s more in a month won’t do anyone dying now any good.

Annoying day at work today.

First, had a transgender guy and everybody was using the wrong pronouns(said person was asleep because #anesthesia), but it still bothered me.

Second, I wasn’t able to do an optimal anesthetic and my patient took 45(!) minutes to wake up from anesthesia. Boo...

Third, I was super flustered and more depressed than usual, until I realized I wasn’t depressed for all the usual reasons (sleep deprevation, working long hours, lack of self confidence, having no free time, lack of good diet), I was depressed because or reason two above.