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I am in a DND game and when I can't do anything. Like attack something I just do a backflip. This one time I wanted to cast shap water but the water was to far, so I tried to backflip and I roll a 3 so the DM says I try to backflip but just face plant and get knocked out
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Context: The party is traveling through the mountains and encounters a group of harpies. My character, a tiefling bard with a penchant for bad pick-up lines, has repeated failed the wisdom saving throws and has been charmed by the matriarch for the entire encounter.
DM: Alright, Arienne (my bard) it’s your turn
Me: I approach the matriarch and say “You may fall from a tree, you may fall from the sky, but you will definitely fall in love with me.”
DM: ......
DM: Roll a d4
Me (thinking that I somehow seduced the matriarch): Ooh yay!
Me: *rolls a 1*
DM: You take 1 point of psychic damage. You’re pick-up line was so terrible that you hurt yourself.
Needless to say I have now started searching for better pick-up lines.
Fumbles and fails.
Now for my PCs I use a pretty basic fumble and crit fail chart.
What I’d like to see is all of yours! What do you do to your poor PCs on a fail? How vicious or merciful are you?
That feeling. That sinking feeling when the dice bot decides you really really need to fail.
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I was doing a crack run of DnD with my friend today and I was gonna pay for a map but the guy said 50 gold pieces for the map and all I had was some silver pieces and I really fucking needed that map so what does my non-charismatic ass do I turn to leave then whip back around and steal the map and run the fuck out of the whole damn city of gnomes and that my friends is why I will get into so much shit in this game
If you ever feel bad about yourself, know that today I used my spiked shield and stabbed a man fully through the chest, and our gun slinger fired to finish him off and shot him right though the existing hole.
IN WHICH LANGLEYS PRANK TO POUR GLITTER ON THE VAMPIRE GOES HORRIBLY WRONG
