#dmstuff

When we last left our intrepid heroes they were surrounded by a ghastly garden of blights. The party fought on with flame and fist and moxy but to no avail. The villainous vines and thorny terrors just kept coming!

And lo! Just as the tide seemed to turn in our heroes favor, disaster struck!

A mass of thorny vines sprung from the tree and entangled Hawk Feather, the intrepid Tabaxi trickster. Hawk struggled with all her feline might but disappeared under the surface of the haunted tree.

The rest of the party rallied and fought off the remaining blights and made the only choice that a group of righteous, fearless heroes could possibly made when a sister-in-arms is in danger.

They cut their losses and left her ass to rot. Eyyyyyy, just kidding, bitch. They coming for you.

With weapons drawn and the holy light of Sune guiding their way, our heroes made their descent into the musty, dank tunnels beneath the tree. The entry way led them to a network of Duergar handiwork that looked to be in dire need of upkeep. The stone tunnels were cracked and broken, roots and vines crawling in from the outside and spilling dirk and other debris all over. A stark contrast to the pristine stone tunnels of the lardery where they spent the night past.

Ahead lay two doors, one to the left and one to the right. Beyond the doors, the tunnel split into two paths, also to the left and right. No light save the holy radiance of the Shining Mace of Sune’s Good Boi shone anywhere in sight.

The party carefully crept towards the door on the left and found a storage room. Many boxes and barrels were in disarray, their contents long gone or rotten.

Two boxes remained intact and bearing a familiar sight. Emblazed upon the boxes was a black spider, the moniker of Nezznar the Drow, the would-be master of The Forge of Spells and the mines of Phandelver. Ya’ll merc’d his ass, if you recall.

Wise Stumbleduck carefully searched one box and recovered two chests. One contained an exquisitely carved jade statue of an owl and three smaller mouse statues. The other contained a want that Stumbleduck deciphered (somehow) could be used to summon a flame blade (maybe).

Stumbleduck, with wand held high, rushed into the next room and came face to face with a pack of monstrous hounds led by a ferocious alpha. Our heroes rushed to Stumbeduck’s aid and fought off the horde of hellhounds. But not before Stumbeduck suffered an infectious wound and now fears that a rod grub resides inside of her. What a turn of events!

Thoroughly disgusted and a bit exhausted, our adventurers have barricaded themselves in the storeroom where they found the chests and hope to find the mildest respite in order to tend to their wounds.

As they lay in rest, however, the entrance to the tunnel slid itself shut and razor-sharp brambles have grown over it, completely obscuring it from vision.

And what of brave Hawk Feather? Will our heroes reunite with the plucky plunderer before she succumbs to whatever fate has befallen her?

By command of the Queen of the West, this treatise was prepared by the University of Denver in the Year of Our Sun 2019 and distributed to every institution of learning in her Kingdom (including a picture version for preschools and kindergartens). It has been translated into every tongue spoken across the three Americas, including but not limited to English, Spanish, Sylvan, Infernal, and Braille.

The Americas: The Blessed Land

Rejoice, Americans, for you are the Chosen People.

Whether you hail from New York, Buenos Aires, Montreal, Guadalajara, or the Seat of the Sun itself, you are Beloved. Beloved of the Sun, the Sea, and Victory. 

Wherever you walk, you will be warmed by your Mother, who watches over you from the sky. Your thirst will be quenched by your Father, whose tidal arms surround and embrace this continent. You will be protected by the Invincible Warrior who stands ever-vigilant. 

The Triumverate heard your cries from their heavenly thrones, and descended to the world to care for you. We came to you in your year 1875, when your distant gods and your covetous governments allowed the Primordial Evil entry to the surface world. We came to you in your hour of need, and we did not abandon you when the threat was repelled. We chose you, and we will stay with you. 

Keep your governments - they will flourish under our guidance. Keep your distant gods - we are not jealous. But know that we are always here, where they are not. You are our children, ours forever. Rejoice, Americans!

Amatis, Lady of the Sun

The Queen of the West is also named for the many blessings she gives her children: the Lady of Succor, for she can restore life to the worthy dead; the Blaze of Wrath, for she fiercely defends her chosen. She rules from the West Coast to the West banks of the Mississippi River and Eastern border of Manitoba. She is the sun: warm and life-giving. Her home, the Seat of the Sun, is in Denver, Colorado, where she keeps vigil over the Continental Divide.

Scrawled in a margin: And what a fuckin’ merciful Mother she is, too...as long as you have gold to spare. The only way to get her attention is with her own reflection - have you seen Denver? The godsdamned roofs are plated in gold just to keep her interested. She responds to exorbitant wealth and her own face. Not the pleas of her “children.” 

Vane, Lord of the Sea

The King of the East rules the tides and the oceans, and is the patron of all those who travel the seas or live beside or beneath them. He protects trade and ensures the cycles of the moon continue as they should, and he has been known to benevolently rescue air-breathers before they drown. He rules from the East Coast to the Mississippi River and the Western border of Manitoba and Hudson Bay, but the whole of the oceans are his domain. His home, and the Seat of the Sea, is in New Orleans, Louisiana.

Several lines are nearly scratched out and roughly annotated: Either he rules the oceans, which are cruel and people die and therefore he must be cruel too, or he’s benevolent and just unable to do shit because the ocean’s too powerful. I had family in New Orleans when Hurricane Katrina hit. Where was this asshole and why didn’t he command the water to stay out of "his city”? If it wasn’t for the mermaids, everyone would’ve drowned. And the mermaids have a hell of an interest rate on their services.

Kama, Lord of Victory

The Lord of Victory protects the whole of South America, from the Panama Canal to the very southern tip of Argentina. He is invincible in combat, unparalleled in tactics, and a protector beyond compare. He makes no secret that he desires the heart of Amatis, and so he is dedicated to the pursuit of perfection to prove worthy of her attention. He demands the same of his followers, and thus is deeply invested in their growth as individuals and communities. The Seat of Victory is in Caracas, Venezuela.