#dmeb

so like is there ever a point where a child of divorce every actually “gets over” having a fragmented family? Like i am genuinely glad that my parents are not together, they are both better people away from each other, but its the fact that my sister hasnt spoken to my dad in over 3 years at this point is what rips me to shreds. because my mam and my sister do not have to see how it has crushed him, and the heartbreak in his eyes when he asks about her, and the constant denial of ever coming to a reconciliation because it doesnt affect them to not have him in their life anymore, when it’s literally my every waking moment when im around any of them. my tongue is half bitten in every conversation because i cant mention him, or where im going, if im going to see him, for fear of being at the recieving end of their reaction, for fear of causing them hurt. And i cant mention them in front of my dad either, because ive been specifically asked not to, so im contantly having my tongue tied or lying, to keep the peace that my mam and sister are blissfully unaware of, unaware of the hurt that is still happening because it is my body and it is my mind thats protecting them from any harm, and i cannot express any displeasure because its “not about me” ,and they can only see that im hurt from the separation, but its not the separation of my parents, its the separation of my family unit into two chipped glass fragments that im forced to cut my feet on, to walk along knowing damn well no one cares about the sharp edges anymore, because even through they are separate fragments, each fragment is in itself a whole unit , and im just the blood making a mess all over it