Last Friday a few of my cousins came by the house and we had what I would call my first true cypher in months, maybe even a year or so. We shared beats, freestyled, I did some cutting on the decks; we had a great time enjoying each other’s company and love for hip-hop. Took me back to the times when we were just a few young niggas wanting to rap.
I’ve been trying to tap into that feeling for what seems like forever. It’s like life has been dropping down so many other things where it hasn’t been a priority to create like it used to be. I come home and stare at my equipment: turntables and drum machines, records from wall to wall, feeling too tired or too distracted by homework or work-work or reading one of the many e-newsletters I’ve subscribed to over the years. I don’t write anymore, or at least like I used to. Not bars, not poems, but essays for school and research manuscripts though…I write that shit all day now. It’s a different kind of frustration, looking back on life as a teenager, dreaming about graduating college, securing the bag, and buying all the equipment I needed to be on…I never thought that when I got here I would barely have the time to get down.
But that cypher relit the flame, at least a little bit. I thrive in a collaborative environment, and last weekend made me realize I have been isolating myself in choosing my priorities. I have to reset and find the balance again, make sure me and my family take time to just go back to creating. We all had the same issues in finding time: I have my things, they have their things that take priority over hip-hop. That’s the New Years Resolution.
No true conclusion to this piece either. I need to write, and even this kind of writing helps to get my ideas down and my mind back on the paper. This blog needs to be a combination of the raw thoughts and the more curated pieces, as another issue I’ve had has been fighting myself on what content to put out into the world and what’s “good enough.” That’s for next time. Â