“Morning, baby.” He whispers, his voice slightly groggy.

“Morning, Joe.” You whisper back with a sleepy smile, entering a relaxed state. No matter what, Joe’s touch could always ground you. After a few beats of staring at each other in silence, your brain finally clicks on. “Baby. Where is the baby?” You ask in a more panicked tone, trying to sit yourself up on the bed. Your eyes are glancing around the room, your heart rate picking up as anxiety crashes over you.

“Hey, hey. Slow down, baby. Take a deep breath in and out for me, nice and slowly.” He says with nothing but gentleness in his tone, his voice so soft that it could probably send you back to sleep.

He leans forward, taking your hand in his and placing it over his heart so that you could feel his heartbeat. You close your eyes, taking slow breaths in and out, feeling his steady heartbeat beneath your hand. Joe was very good with his words and actions. It wasn’t common for him to struggle to help you, he actually found it incredibly easy to soothe you.

“There we go, good girl.” He whispers, stretching his words out. “If anything urgent happened, I would tell you right away. Aveline is in the cot on the other side of your bed.” Joe says with a sweet smile on his lips.

You slightly turn your head to see Aveline asleep in her cot beside your bed, and your shoulder immediately drop. A sigh of relief leaves your lips, and all the worry leaves your body.

“Did we get skin to skin contact? I can’t really remember anything that happened last night. Everything feels like a blur to me.” You say with a small laugh, turning to look at Joe.

“You definitely did, baby. One of the cutest things that I’ve ever witnessed.” Joe says with a proud smile, leaning down to press a sweet kiss to your lips. “You fell asleep after a couple minutes of skin-to-skin contact, you were absolutely exhausted. Could tell you were tired. Makes sense after how stressful it got.” He whispers against your lips, staying close to you as if he’s scared to move away.

“I wasn’t expecting to have an emergency c-section. All I could do was panic that something was wrong with the baby or something was going to go wrong.” You sigh, pressing your lips onto Joe’s.

“Speaking of the c-section, are you feeling okay? After you fell asleep, they fed me with information. Are you in any pain at all? Uncomfortable?” He asks, resting his forehead against yours.

“It’s a little uncomfortable, but it’s not necessarily painful.” You say, sliding your hands into Joe’s hair. You watch as his face completely softens, closing his eyes. A soft hum of appreciation leaves his lips.

“Let me know if it gets painful at any point. They will give you painkillers to help if needed.” He whispers, his eye lashes fluttering as if he’s trying to force himself to stay awake.

Your eyes flick over his face, counting the moles and watching as his eyelashes flutter against his cheek. He looks so beautiful, even if he’s an absolute tired mess.

“How much sleep did you get?” You ask, a hint of worry in your voice.

“Maybe like.. 2 hours?” He says, sounding so unsure it’s like he’s asking both you and him.

You give him a knowing look, raising your eyebrows, slightly shaking your head. “You’re an idiot, Joe Keery. Why didn’t you get much sleep?” You ask, more concerned that angry.

“First of all, I was worried that you would need something in the middle of the night and I wanted to be alert at all times. Secondly, this chair is insanely uncomfortable. I feel like my ass is going to fall off.” He mumbles, sounding annoyed at himself.

A laugh leaves your lips, pulling a pout from him, though he isn’t angry at you. Not one bit. You could never get over his puppy eyes; they definitely did something to you. He buries his face into your neck, a quiet, tired grumble leaves his lips, vibrating against your skin.

“You’ll be back in our comfy bed soon, baby.” You grin, leaning down to press a gentle kiss to the top of his head. “You can go to sleep, y’know? There are sofas in this room too.”

“I couldn’t move the sofa over to the bed, so the chair was my best option. My back is killing now, though.” He sighs, shifting his head to your shoulder.

“Did they mention how long we need to stay here for?” You ask, eager to get out of the hospital as soon as you can. The bed in your house was calling your name too; you couldn’t deny it.

“They told me you’d most likely be here for a day, just to recover from the c-section and check that everything is okay. They put emphasis on the resting part, baby, so you’re staying right here and accepting all the help that you’re given. No buts.” He grins, pressing feather-like kisses to your skin.

“Oh, my worst nightmare.” You say sarcastically. “I guess I can’t actually go home if I haven’t recovered, so just this once I will accept the help. Only because I want to get into bed.”

Joe laughs, lifting his head from your shoulder. “Me and you both, baby. I know this isn’t like a fancy hotel, but for people that are supposed to be staying here for at least a night, it’s not very comfortable.”

You laugh and turn your head again to look at Aveline. She’s still asleep, her eyelashes fluttering every few seconds. “I can’t believe she’s finally here after all the stress. She’s gorgeous.” You whisper. “You’re a daddy now. She’s going to love you so much.”

Joe smiles, his eyes flicking between you and Aveline. “You’re going to be the best mummy to Aveline. I’m still shocked that she’s here. Our little family.”

“I love you, baby.” You whisper, leaning up to press a sweet kiss to Joe’s lips.

“Hey, stop trying to sit up. What did me and the nurses say about resting?” He laughs, jokingly scolding you. “I love you, baby. I’m incredibly proud of you for getting through the night. It was so incredibly stressful, and you were really brave about it. Strongest woman that I know.” He whispers, pressing gentle kisses all over your face.

A yawn leaves your lips, the tiredness washing over you again. “Hey, you should go get a pillow or two, and bring them over so you can get some sleep.”

He gives you a small nod, quickly getting up to grab a pillow from the sofa across the room, and sitting back on the chair, placing a pillow behind his back and one behind his head.

“Get some sleep. Don’t worry about me. I promise you’ll need the sleep more than you think.” You whisper, resting your head on the pillow, your cheek smushed.

Joe reaches for your hand to hold whilst you both go to sleep, wanting to be as close to you as possible, even though he couldn’t sleep beside you, at least not until tomorrow. You fall asleep with the comfort of Joe beside you, and Aveline to your other side. The three of you sleeping all at once was going to be something that wouldn’t happen frequently, so you relax whilst it lasts. Your little family.

Maybe it was different, because you weren’t someone that he threw away after a few weeks, surprisingly, he took it slowly, and it felt like a joke that everyone was in on but you at first, but then you saw how genuine he was being, it was gentler than you’d ever seen him.

He wasn’t straight up with you at the start, barging into your life unexpectedly and making you his girlfriend the day after, he took it at a steady pace that you both liked, that was normal. His normal was different for a while until you.

Dates were something that he brought forward to you, in an awkwardly manner at first.

His eyes flicked over you, trying to make himself aware of if it was the right time, if he was reading the situation well. “How do you feel about restaurants?” He asks, providing no other context at first.

An amused laugh left your mouth, closing your locker door and leaning against it. “Pretty good. I go often.”

He nodded, opening his mouth more to gasp for air than to speak. “With who?”

You squinted at him, trying to figure out where all these questions are coming from. “My friends.”

“Ah. Right, yeah, of course, of course.” He nodded, pulling another laugh from you. “So, would that be something you’re interested in going to with me?”

Your arms tightly hold your folders to your chest. “That sounds very sweet, Steve. Yes.”

He grinned down at you in a way that you’d never seen before. “Does Saturday sound good to you?”

For the sake of it, you decided to mess with him, purely for his reaction. “I’m sorry, Steve, I’ll be studying for the English exam then.”

Surprisingly, he didn’t huff or try bribe you into it, he simply nods. “Don’t worry about it.”

“I’m kidding.” You laughed. “Saturday sounds perfect.”

He shook his head, amused, brushing his thumb over your shoulder. “I’ll see you then, beautiful.”

Beautiful. You didn’t want to fall into it too quickly, but God, he was tempting.

The dates continued, one after the other, pretty much a weekly thing that you planned fairly. He would arrive in front of your house in his beamer a few minutes early, and you weren’t sure if that was to impress you and show you that he was capable, but it worked.

You weren’t the type to do this with boys, so it was all new to you. He started off with simple talk, asking you questions, not too personal, but things he couldn’t see by simply looking at you. It didn’t seem too awkward, at least not as awkward as you had seen before. There was the occasional long silence as you thought about what to say next, but he easily filled that in.

That’s the point you found out about Nancy, after a couple of dates, and you weren’t sure in the moment if you were going to regret asking him the question, but curiosity got to the best of you.

You were gently blowing over your food to cool it down, trying to get to know more about him. “So, you have lots of girls lining up for you, huh?” You joked, but you really wanted to know more, know what you were possibly competing against.

He huffs out a quiet laugh, glancing down at his fork, anywhere but into your eyes. “Yeah. Well, did. I’m not like that, not anymore.”

“Oh. Really?” You asked, chewing on your steak.

“It’s not the most fun life to live, I have no idea if that’s a shock or not. Probably not.” He said more to himself like he’s still trying to convince himself. “I came to a realisation.”

“When did you come to the realisation?” You asked, anything to keep the conversation steady.

His eyes slowly drifted to yours, looking unsure, like he could mess up at any moment and ruin weeks of effort and pace. “My last relationship. I guess it was a little longer than the others I had been in, so it was a little different.”

You’d heard about him and Nancy plenty of times, and you had an idea on how it had ended through friends of friends. It clearly wasn’t an easy break up for him.

“How did that change you?” You asked.

He sighed. “I mean, the breakup part wasn’t something I had experienced before in other relationships. It was definitely harsh. I just don’t want to be that person anymore, I want to take things slowly and I want to do it right.”

Hearing those words should’ve been the first obvious factor that it was about to go downhill, and anybody else would probably be sprinting out the doors. ‘I want to do it right’ blared louder than his other words, completely dulling down how it was a harsh breakup. It hadn’t been too long ago since they broke up, 4 months, and you weren’t sure if that was long enough to think through everything at all.

“That makes sense, I’m glad, Steve.” You said with a warm smile.

His lips twitched into a smile. “Just to let you know, I’m taking you very seriously.”

Those words felt foreign to you, because a boy that wasn’t very serious about relationships was telling you he was being serious about you.

“I’m taking you serious too.” You hummed, swallowing your steak.

That was the first mental strike, to him and to yourself, because bringing up past relationships on a date probably wasn’t the best idea. Up until that point, seeing him felt like hearing the first firework on New Year’s Day, refreshing, new, but he wasn’t so truthful with his words. He clearly liked to throw them about, whether that was purposely or cluelessly, it started to become very obvious.

The further your relationship went, the more people you met, and you were automatically expected to turn up to meet with his friends. It became normal to you, like you had always known Steve and his friends, and it was the confirmation that this was serious to him.

Although he was serious about you, you weren’t sure to what extent he was still emotionally wounded by Nancy. He couldn’t exactly get rid of her, because she was all around him, every time they passed by in the halls, in class, and unfortunately for you, hanging out with his friends.

The first time you had a proper interaction with Nancy, it had to have been one of the most uncomfortable experiences. She never said anything awful about you or anyone, and she didn’t make you feel unwelcomed, but knowing what you knew, you made it uncomfortable instead.

Conveniently, her locker was close by to yours, so she was always there, everything that you wanted to be always in front of you.

She brought her note pads close to her and shut her locker, walking over a few steps to you with a sweet smile. “Hey, we haven’t really talked as much as we should, especially as we have the same friend circle, so I thought I’d make sure you know that you can talk to me whenever.”

A slightly awkward laugh left your lips. “Yeah, yeah, of course.”

“There are a lot of us, so I know it’s a little all over the place.” She laughs.

“I guess to, yeah.” You nod.

The silence falls after that, and you’ve never wanted to bash your head against your locker more, but she carries on, and you couldn’t appreciate that more.

“We can walk in talk on the way to class, if you’d like.” She says, her voice sweet and warm.

“That sounds nice.” You say, more quietly, joining beside her.

You were glad that she was talkative, because all you could think about was how different you were to her. Then you started to overthink it too much, because if he liked people like Nancy, you were far off that.

It shouldn’t have been a shock to you that he was still lingering around her, because he was exactly who everyone said he is. That was another strike for you, for being so lovesick that you weren’t aware that he isn’t always going to be genuine with you just because he said so.

Watching him interact with her was the worst part, because she was so sweet, and you couldn’t deny it, even if it was frustrating. She was like cigarette smoke that clung to him, only it was his decision, not hers.

She was constantly in the foreground of your mind, and it wasn’t any different from Steve. It wouldn’t be the biggest surprise if she came before you, because Steve is Steve, and you couldn’t expect anything else from him.

Most people would think that it’s easy to have a boyfriend that has had many girlfriends, because he clearly wasn’t stuck on any of them if they were one after the other, short lasting, but they would be wrong. Maybe he had moved on from most girls, but not Nancy, never Nancy.

That’s when the tension got clearer anytime you had some alone time together. Words lingered from across the kitchen island, ready to burst out. The more he went on about something that you couldn’t care about, the more his voice started to get on your nerves.

“Steve.” You cut him off, and he paused.

“Yeah, what’s up? Am I talking too quickly?” He asks.

You shake your head, huffing. “No. I just want to talk, you’re not giving me any room to say anything.”

“I’m listening, I’m listening, baby.” He repeats, leaning back on his chair and pausing his conversation for you.

“Can this be serious talk? Let me know if it’s not the time and we can talk about it at another point.” You whisper, voice already cracking and you haven’t got on to talking about it yet.

“We can talk about whatever. I’m all ears.” He nods.

For a few seconds, you stare at him in silence, because the worry was already building up inside you, and if you spoke, you were afraid you would stumble over your words.

You glance down at your hands. “You’re serious about us, right?” You ask, unsure about your own question and everything leading up to this point.

“Of course. I’m very serious about you.” He says with a genuine smile, reaching over to place his hand on top of yours.

“I guess it hasn’t felt that way, which is why I asked.” You mumble, fingers trembling against his.

He shifts his chair closer to yours. “Why?”

It feels like the words are there, but every time you try to open your mouth, you freeze, nothing but a broken breath leaving your lips. You take a moment to settle, not really settle, because in something vulnerable like this, you couldn’t, but you pause before squeaking out. “Nancy.”

His movement on your hand stills, like hearing her name still causes him to react.

“What about her?” He asks nervously.

“She’s always around, she’s everywhere. That’s not the problem, and neither it she, but I feel like there’s something still there between you two. I feel like I’m stuck in the middle of something that I shouldn’t have gotten into.” You admit quietly, your eyes glassing over.

He lightly brushes his thumb over the palm of your hand. “There’s nothing between me and Nancy.”

“It feels like you two never broke up with how normal you are around each other.” You sigh.

He stops talking like his input will only make it worse.

“You’re around her a lot. I know you share the same friends, but you look at her the way I want you to look at me.” Your voice cracks, and you turn your head the other way.

Steve’s breathing shuddered, and he shook his head. “I’m serious about you, I promise.” He manages out.

“Those just feel like words to me now. They don’t feel real to me. It’s like you’re throwing them around to make me feel better.” You mumble, tracing patterns on the marble counter.

He sighs, loudly. It hit a spot. “What more could you possibly want me to say?”

The way his voice changed was something you never want to remember again, and the tears were welling up already. You kept your head turned from him, because showing him how much this has affected you won’t work on him. He’s definitely seen this before.

“I don’t know, show me? You’ve been off with her a lot.” You huff.

“With friends.” He adds.

You roll your eyes, staring blankly at the cupboards. “I’ve felt like I’ve been shoved to the side, like you’ve gotten my hopes up, only for me to be let down.”

“That’s not what I’m trying to do, and you know it.” He shook his head with an amused laugh, and that only made this feel more heated.

“If I knew it, I wouldn’t be asking, I wouldn’t be feeling this way. I don’t want to have to beg for it, but I want you to be around me just as much as you’re around them, around her.” You whisper, defeated.

“Then you can join us, that’s fine.” He murmurs under his breath.

Nothing has felt more humiliating than this.

“How do you feel about Nancy?” You ask, turning to look at him, but he’s blurry with the tears filling up.

He closes his eyes, looking done with the conversation. “Me and Nancy are friends, that’s all there is to it.”

“Make it feel that way then.” You push your chair back.

“I do. Why are you not listening?” He asks, getting increasingly more frustrated.

“No, why aren’t you listening?” You repeat. “I feel like I’m apart of some massive joke that I’m not involved in. Steve, I just wanted to talk about how I’ve felt. I feel sick even thinking about how you could possibly still be in love with her, and I’m just something to pass time.”

“You’re not that to me though. You’re so much more.” He sighs.

“I can’t keep waking up with my heart aching, Steve. If I’m saying that it feels like you’re stuck on her even if you’re not, then maybe that’s something you can work on. If not, then this won’t work.” You shake your head, sliding your chair back fully and padding out of the kitchen, into the bedroom and closing the door behind you.

It feels emptier, quieter without his voice talking your ears off. Part of you feels bad for bringing it up at all, but she’s all around, basically burned into him, and you can’t deal with the endless possibilities. You rest your head on the pillows, curling your legs up to your chest.

To him, the conversation only highlighted his worry that he would lose you, the one thing that he never wanted out of this, the one thing he told you that wouldn’t happen. The ache in his chest was growing, and if he sat at the kitchen island any longer, he probably would’ve let it consume him.

The bedroom door pushes open, hesitantly, slowly, and he steps in, closing it behind him and slipping into bed behind you. His hand is gently on your side, checking if you’ll swat him away, which he would agree he deserves.

After a moment of rustling. “Hey, I’m sorry.” He whispers, pressing his lips to the back of your head. “I could’ve communicated that better.”

You hum, letting him know that you’re listening, but not speaking.

“Everything you said was completely okay for you to say, and I’m not angry that you told me about how you’ve felt. I just got a little frustrated because everything I said was completely true, and I’m willing to be open with you right now.” He says, brushing his thumb over your skin.

“Okay.” You whisper.

He nods, bringing you closer so that your back presses against his chest, completely enveloping you in his warmth. “Yes, my breakup with her wasn’t easy at all, I can fully admit that to you. We’ve been mature about it and talked like friends, and we will continue to be friends. We share the same friends, so it’s pretty hard to not be around her, and I respect that it’s not comfortable for you, and it’s not comfortable for me either, but I have to be mature about it.”

“I’m just worried that you’re going to shove me to the side.” You mumble.

His face completely drops, softer, and he gently grabs your jaw, turning you so that you’re looking at him. “No. Absolutely not. That’s not who I am or ever want to be.”

A quiet sigh leaves your lips. “It’s hard not to worry when she’s always around. I’m hyper aware that at any moment, you could just go back to her.”

His thumb brushes over your cheek and he shakes his head. “We didn’t work well together at all. It was just never really right, and it never felt right, if that makes sense.” He pauses, eyes flicking over you. “I’m dead set on you.”

“You’ve probably said that to loads of people.” You say with a small laugh, making light of the situation to make yourself feel better.

“No, actually. I haven’t. Shocker, I know.” He sighs. “I really, really like you, and I want this to continue further.”

“I want to continue further with you too, Steve.” You whisper.

“I’m glad. I’m so glad.” He says, relieved. “I’ve never taken something slowly with anyone, so believe it or not, but this is a very new experience for me too.”

You nod, turning around so that you’re fully facing him, and he slips his hands into your hair. “I’m sorry that I brought that up at all.”

“Please don’t be sorry. You wanted to tell me how you felt, and it’s completely understandable. I hope that what I said was clear enough. I’m sorry that you’ve felt this way, and I wish I was clear at the start.” He whispers. “I’m your boyfriend, and that’s a title I want to keep. This isn’t something I want to drop.”

Without a second though, you press your lips to his, gentle. It isn’t rushed or a clash of teeth like it usually is, but you take it slowly, feeling his lips against yours.

“I’m very happy to keep the girlfriend title.” You whisper against his lips, and he grins.

The initial worry died down, and you feel less tense about it all. Maybe you’d end up worrying again, but you felt more relieved knowing that he’s trying for himself and for you, and he’s pushing his old ways behind.

You had woken Joe up with slow, lazy kisses, the type of kisses that said that you’d rather stay in bed for longer, but you had things to do. Before he frantically got himself dressed for breakfast, he mumbled sweet words against your lips, telling you how gorgeous you looked even though it looked like you rolled out of a bush. He earned an eyeroll from you, grinning and pressing a quick kiss to your lips before dashing off downstairs.

Even though you were fighting to keep your eyes open, you managed to unzip your makeup bag and take everything out. Getting sleep and going to Coachella were two different things on the same level, picking one was hard, but one you could get back, and the other you couldn’t. That was the only thing keeping your eyes wide open.

It was Coachella, so of course you were going all out for it. Your words to Joe last night before you fell asleep mid chat were ‘I want to look like I just swam in a sea of glitter’, which of course, you stuck to. The brush gently glided over your eyelids, applying the most gorgeous, golden glitter. The soft glow from the sun seeping from between the blinds highlighted the sparkles on your skin, and you couldn’t help but feel giddy. You gave Joe a rough idea of what you were going to wear, and he had no idea what he was in for seeing.

The door makes a soft clicking noise, opening slowly, as if Joe was being hesitant, checking that he wasn’t getting a behind the scenes of your look for Coachella. You wanted to surprise him, it was something small, but he complied of course. He closed the door behind him and freezes in his spot, letting his eyes flick all over your body. His tongue flicks out to wet his lips, looking speechless.

A laugh leaves your lips, soaking in his reaction. Joe makes a beeline for you, the biggest grin forming on his lips. He crouches down in front of where you’re sat, gently and hesitantly taking your face in his hands as if he’s scared to ruin your makeup. The way his eyes keep flicking over you is something that you want to repeat over and over again, he was never afraid to show what he’s feeling.

“Holy shit.” He laughs breathlessly, finally taking a breath out that he didn’t know he was holding in. You couldn’t deny the flutter you felt in your chest. It was like you were experiencing the first time you and Joe met all over again. “You look so gorgeous, so stunning. You’re unreal baby. I just— wow.” He grins, shaking his head as if he’s shocked that he’s sat in front of you right now.

“Why thank you, baby.” You laugh, combing your fingers through his hair. A soft sound leaves his lips, one that raises goosebumps on your arms. “I had a feeling that you would like it. I mean, it’s Coachella, I wanted to go all out for it.”

“I fucking love it. Here I am, probably turning up in jeans and a tank top, possibly a bandana if I think that I look too plain, and here you are looking gorgeous. I mean, baby, you’ve left me speechless. There’s so much I could say about you right now.” He grins, letting his head drop to your shoulder, his unsteady breaths tickling your skin. The way his shoulders bounce up and down every breath has you wondering if it’s all the running about that he’s done, or if he’s got himself all worked up.

“I can always dress you, baby. You can wear jeans and a tank top, but jeans are probably not the best to wear, especially in the heat. It’s going to be hot today.” You whisper, sliding your hands through his hair, feeling his heartbeat against you.

“I would really appreciate that. You’re here looking like this, so I’m not going to decline that offer at all. I trust that you’ll have me wearing something fitting for Coachella.” He grins against your neck, sliding his hands up your back. “You look so good, baby. If I pass out, just know it’s not because of the weather.”

“Joe Keery.” You laugh, stilling your hands in his hair. “I think you’re being a tiny bit overdramatic. It’s just an outfit.”

“But it’s you, baby. You can make anything look good. You could probably wear a trash bag and still look good in it.” Joe laughs, muffled against your skin.

“You’re such an idiot.” You roll your eyes, but there’s no anger in your tone. Nothing but affection. “You gonna get dressed? We’re going to need to leave soon, I want to beat the crowds as best as I can.” You ask.

“Soon.” He mumbles, clearly not wanting to get up from the comfortable position that he’s in right now.

“Joe.” You sigh.

“Hm?” He asks, acting clueless.

“Coachella. Less than 2 hours away from starting. Has that clicked?” You ask.

“Can we just.. have our own Coachella in here instead?” He groans, lifting his head from your shoulder.

“Come on, Joe. I am not missing out on the music, especially for today’s line up. Prepare to be dragged around all day. I want to see as many artists as possible.” You whisper with a sweet smile.

“Want to stay here with you though.” He mumbles, his eyes practically closed.

“Okay, but you get to walk around with me at Coachella. It’s not like I’m going to disappear into thin air.” You laugh, leaning down to press a slow, lazy kiss to his lips.

A frustrated huff leaves his lips, pulling a grin from you.

“Once the day is over, we’re coming back here. Just get through the day, and then we are back in this room. Doesn’t sound too bad, does it?” You ask.

“That’s like forever away, but fine. I guess I can live with that.” He sighs.

“Good. Now get yourself dressed, I’d like to not be stood right at the back of the crowd.” You whisper.

Joe stands up, pulling you up with him. He’s got the most stupid grin on his face; you just want to kiss it off him. “Can we have like 5 more minutes, please?” He asks, slipping his hands slightly under your top, tracing small, gentle patterns on your skin.

“Okay, but don’t get too off track. Coachella is waiting for us.” You sigh, giving in.

“Yes ma’am. Time me if you need to.” He grins, pulling you down onto the bed with him, wrapping you up in his arms. You couldn’t deny that you needed this. Your routine with Joe was all over the place now that you weren’t back at home.

“I love you.” You mumble, melting into his touch.

“I love you, baby. You look so gorgeous. Spotlight is going to be all on you. I’m so lucky, this is actually insane.” He whispers, pressing feather-like kisses all over you.

You may have slightly went over the time you had decided with everyone, but it was definitely worth it. You and Joe exchanged soft whispers, and quiet ‘I love you’s every so often, and you were right where you needed to be. Wrapped up in Joe’s arms, preparing yourself for the chaos and stress that you were about to endure at Coachella.

It felt real to you, and that’s what pulled you back to him every single time. Your friends knew that you knew better than to let yourself fill Steve’s needs for a while, but every time he tells you that he needs you, you’re already sprinting out of your front door, making a twenty minute walk a ten minute one instead.

You knew what you were to Steve, you were too aware of it. A temporary placeholder for him to clear his head, a craving for physical closeness. The physical closeness was nothing compared to the distance emotionally. Once he rolled to his side of the bed, all the sweet words were taken back, and they suddenly meant nothing.

What lingered in your mind was how aware you were that you were actively being compared to his ex, Nancy. He never said anything about her, but he didn’t have to for you to know. Sometimes he would whisper her name to you, completely unaware, and you’d lay there staring at the ceiling, wishing that it was your name that he was mumbling.

Between the gentle brush of his lips against yours and the quiet grunts, you pushed all the regret to the back of your mind, because the best you could do was pretend. It was all an act, the sweet talk and the quiet ‘I love you’ that would accidentally slip from his lips when he was getting close.

You weren’t sure what hurt more, the whole performance he put on for you, or how you weren’t ever really his, and that wasn’t a thought in his mind, it was always Nancy. To make it worse if that was possible, Nancy is one of the sweetest girls, and you can see exactly why he’s so stuck on her.

The only sound filling the bedroom is your heavy breaths combined, and you glance over at him, watching as he tilts his head back against the pillows, his hands rested on his bare chest. Every time it gets to this part of the night, you can’t help but want more from him so that you don’t have to face the distance and the change in his behaviour, and so that you can feel something somewhat close to love, closeness.

“Pretty good.” He mumbles, the two familiar words that you have gotten used to hearing from him. He’s already slipping his shirt back on, pulling his jeans back up.

You hum, glancing around the room as he gets changed. For some reason, you can’t get yourself to look at him when he’s changing, as if he wasn’t just bare and on top of you moments before.

“Yeah, pretty good.” You repeat quietly, turning to slip your clothes back on, staring at the wall blankly.

The rustling beside you pauses, and it’s followed by his voice after a minute. “You’re quiet tonight.”

A breathless laugh falls from you, not an amused one, mostly to fill the silence. “Just exhausted today, that’s all. Long day.” You lie.

“Work?” He asks.

“Yeah, customers pestering me and whatever. Just the usual.” You whisper, turning your head to face him.

He nods, and silence follows, uncomfortably. To fill the silence, you let words flow from your mouth without putting too much thought into them.

“Is it going to stay this way?” You ask.

“Stay what way?” He asks, completely oblivious.

You sigh. “Me coming here for a while and then leaving straight after.”

“This isn’t anything to me or to you. Don’t get too comfortable.” He huffs out a laugh, shaking his head in disbelief.

“Right, yeah.” You nod.

You slip out of his bed, sliding your jacket on before making your way out of his bedroom. The walk out of his bedroom was always the worst part, because you knew that you would be back to do it all over again. It wasn’t because you had to, and you knew you were putting yourself through it all, but you were just like him, you craved the closeness too.

You’ve barely let the night before process before you’re back in his bed again, underneath him as he pants against your shoulder. Your hands slide up and down his back, trying to memorise every part of him as if it’s not going to hurt you even more doing so.

His voice breaks, softer, like you’ve never heard before. “I love you.”

Hearing those words should make you feel something, and you shouldn’t even have to think that much into them, but you do. He doesn’t mean it, he never does. Those words are carelessly thrown around like he doesn’t really know what love feels like.

“I love you.” You whisper, but it’s genuine, something that he could never be. Your hands slip through his damp hair from the sweat.

His hands grip your hips, keeping you close to himself as he stills inside of you, shuddering. He collapses on top of you, brushing his lips against your neck before he slowly pulls back, rolling to lay beside you, breathless. The regret washes over you immediately, and the emptiness spreads inside of you.

“Steve?” His name comes out sweet.

“Hm?” He raises his eyebrows, resting his head on his hand.

Your eyes flick over his face. “Do you mean it?” You ask.

“Mean what?” He asks, putting on that clueless act again.

“Don’t do this.” You sigh.

“Do what?” He asks.

You huff, pushing yourself to sit up. “You’re doing it again. You know exactly what you’re doing.” You pause before speaking again. “You keep telling me that you love me.”

“Do I? I haven’t noticed that I do.” He shrugs.

“Every single time.” You sigh, shifting to tuck your legs under yourself.

“It doesn’t mean anything. Just some words, y’know.” He says carelessly, grabbing his shirt and slipping it on.

You blink at him, shocked at how careless he is. “Just some words?” You repeat.

“Yeah, words. Heard of them before?” He asks.

A surprised laugh leaves your lips, and you shake your head. “You throw them around like this means something to you.”

“Well, it doesn’t. Stop getting yourself wrapped up in all of this. You’re digging too much into this.” He mutters.

“Why do you do this, Steve? You’re really sweet to me when you’re on top of me, and as soon as we’re done, you’re a completely different person.” You admit, glaring at him as tears prick at your eyes.

He simply shrugs at you, and you stare at him, slowly shaking your head.

“Is she still engraved into your mind? You’re so far gone for her.” You say in disbelief.

He scoffs. “Do not bring her up like this.”

“No, because this is what this is.” You laugh breathlessly.

“It’s not.” He glares.

“Keep telling yourself that, Steve.” You mumble, turning your back to him, slipping your clothes back on and walking out of his bedroom without another word, leaving him alone to think about what you told him.

It was a little relieving finally managing the words out to him, not that he showed much care for it anyway. You got your answer, just not the one you wanted.

No argument could stop you from running back to him, because you were too far gone in the process to let it hold you back. You kept going back to his house, every night, like you were proving a point to him that he couldn’t accept. He continued to whisper sweet words into your ear, but it felt more forced, like he was trying to bring the reaction out of you.

It turned into something that was built up from anger instead of craving closeness, and it only boosted the two of you more. Either the room was filled with tense silence, or you would be arguing straight after, bringing Nancy up even though he claimed that her name was forbidden in his room.

The more that he tried to deny you, the more you were trying to fuel his anger. It had turned into a competition that only you and Steve were aware about.

“Am I doing good for you, Steve?” You ask from underneath him with a sweet smile. “Do I bring you as much relief as she did?”

He rolls his eyes, pressing his lips to yours to quieten you down, your words making him quicken his pace. “Stop talking.”

That only made you grin, knowing that you were getting to him. “You didn’t answer my question.”

“You’re ruining the moment.” He grunts, burying his head into your shoulder.

“Oops.” You grin, quietening down, dragging your nails through his hair, tilting your head back.

Your questions were relentless, and you constantly brought it up, not letting his mind live free for one moment. He was okay with the distance, so you added to it more, creating an even bigger gap between the two of you. You started to leave straight after, not even bothering to make small talk with him like he usually does.

He starts to catch onto the distance, and you notice immediately. Not that he says anything, but you watch as his face drops every time you get up to leave. You started to act like the careless one and the distant one instead, because that was better than feeling everything all at once.

It was freeing not feeling regret every time you walked out of his bedroom, and you started to shut him out instead. The only way to stop it was to stop caring. He started to pull you closer. His hands rested on your lower back like he didn’t want you to leave him alone, like he really did want you. He started to slow his pace, dragging out your time together as much as he could.

One night he had enough, and as soon as you tried to stand up to get back into your clothes, he gently grabbed your wrist, tugging you back towards himself. You blinked at him slowly, trying to process what he’s doing.

“No.” He shakes his head.

“What do you mean?” You ask cluelessly.

He squints at you. “Why are you leaving?” He asks.

An amused laugh leaves your lips. “Such a pathetic question. I leave every time, Steve. That’s what you want, so I’m respecting that.”

“Says who?” He asks.

“You, Steve.” You roll your eyes.

He blinks at you a few times. “What?”

“Don’t worry, I used to be just as shocked as you when you told me to leave.” You laugh breathlessly, trying to shift away, but he doesn’t let go. “Why, do you want me to stay?” You ask.

“I never said that.” He mumbles.

“Oh, so you’re okay if I leave now then?” You ask.

“No.” He says quickly.

You roll your eyes. “You’re too confusing.”

His mood shifts, and he almost has a desperate look in his eyes, something unfamiliar. “Stay.” He whispers.

“Why?” You ask.

“You’re suddenly shoving me away.” He sighs.

“Okay? Why does this matter all of a sudden? I can recall you doing the exact same thing to me.” You hum.

He huffs, brushing his thumb over your wrist. “I didn’t know what I was doing.”

“Clearly.” You mumble, earning a roll of his eyes from him.

“I wasn’t looking for this to be anything at that point.” He whispers, slipping his hand onto your side, resting there. “I mean, you were right.”

“About what, exactly?” You say, more just so that he can admit it to you.

“I needed an escape from her.” He says with a guilty look. “But it hasn’t felt like that in a while. A very long time.”

“How do I know that you’re being honest when all you’ve done is throw words around?” Your voice cracks, and you finally let down the act that you’ve been trying to hard to keep up.

His face shifts into something softer. “I know that I was careless with what I would say to you, but I really mean what I say now. I want you to stay instead of leaving. I hate watching you leave this room.”

You shake your head, averting your gaze away from him. “I don’t know.”

“Please.” He whispers, sliding his hand through your hair. “This isn’t all I want from you at all.”

“How am I supposed to know if you’re still stuck on her or not?” You ask.

“I wouldn’t be having this conversation with you if I was stuck on her.” He says, tangling his hands into your hair. “Look, I know I’ve been a dick about this for a while, but I can’t pretend that I love seeing you leaving me every night.”

“Yeah, you have been a dick about this.” You repeat back.

He nods quickly. “I know.”

“What do you suggest we do then?” You ask.

“We can do something that doesn’t consist of you coming into my bedroom. I want to take you out somewhere special. I want to get to know who you really are. Not who you are when you’re in my bed, but who you are outside of this.” He says, sighing and resting his forehead against yours.

You let silence follow for a moment. “Okay.”

“Thank you.” He says, sounding more relieved than he’s ever been. “I’ll make this all up to you. You’re more than just a girl that gets in my bed, you’re so much more than that. You’re a really special girl to me.”

“You’re more than just a boy’s bed that I get into.” You laugh, letting your head drop to his shoulder, and he carefully pulls you down beside himself.

“I’m glad.” He whispers.

Once he learned what the word no meant, it was a part of his vocabulary full time. Every time you tell him it’s bedtime, he’ll give you a pouty face, say no, and continue what he’s doing like you never asked. He refuses to brush his teeth sometimes too, shoving the toothbrush away when you come close and will walk away in a strop if he doesn’t get his way.

It feels like you’ve tried everything to get him to go to sleep when you ask him to. You’ve read books to him to try calm him down, told him to count sheep, stayed by his side all night, slept with nothing but a pillow beside his bed, tried to warn him out with a lot of action throughout the day and used white noise, but he won’t budge.

You’ve been in Theo’s bedroom for almost an hour, and you’ve already tucked him into bed and read Stick Man to him. He’s been stalling, trying to get you to reread the book and slipping out of his bed to walk around the room. You tried to convince him to get into bed until he ended up in a puddle of tears in your arms, and you’re almost at the point of sobbing with him too.

Your hand gently rubs his back up and down as his tears stain your shirt, holding him close to your chest. “Mommy’s here. I’ll stay in your room until you go to sleep.” You suggest quietly, already bracing yourself for his response.

“No.” He pouts.

“How about I stay in here all night with you. I will go get a pillow and blanket and stay by your bed. I’ll be here when you wake up in the morning.” You say, even though you would love to be in your own bed, wrapped up in Steve’s arms.

He shakes his head and repeats. “No.”

You’re at the point where you’re out of options, and no matter what you suggest, he’s going to say no to you. You could be awake all night whilst he whines in the corner, not picking or choosing what he wants to do. You’ve tried to talk to other parents about what they would do, but they either have a child that goes to sleep when told, or their methods to get their children to sleep actually work.

Steve’s sweet voices rings through the house. He’s probably just finished up in the bathroom, ready to get into bed, but you’re not in there. “Honey?” He calls out, and you listen to him pad down the hallway, standing in the doorway. “Baby. There you are.” He says, sounding relieved.

He walks over to you with an empathetic look on his face, watching how you helplessly look over at him. He settles down beside you, placing his hand on your lower back, gently brushing circles with his thumb. “What’s happened over here, hm?” He asks.

“Theo’s refusing to go to sleep, yet again. Huge shock, I know.” You whisper, letting your head flop to Steve’s shoulder.

His eyes dart to Theo who’s crawling off your lap, walking to the corner of the room and stomping his feet. “Have you read to him yet?”

“I think I read to him an hour ago now. He was tucked into bed until I told him it’s sleep time.” You say tiredly, your eyelids feeling heavy.

“I can take over, honey. You look exhausted.” He replies, pressing a quick kiss to the top of your head. “I can sleep in his room if needed. You should be sleeping in a bed, especially with you carrying a baby.”

You sigh, tucking your head further into his neck. “I don’t think you staying in here will change anything. I’m dreading her being like this, it’s hard enough with Theo refusing to sleep pretty much every night.” You say, resting your hand on your stomach.

“We’ll be lucky if she goes to sleep when she’s told to.” He whispers, glancing at Theo for a moment. “Let’s go out on a drive. All of us.” He suggests, gently massaging your scalp.

The suggestion was something you’ve never tried before or even thought of. You wanted to protest, say that you were going to be wasting time, but it wasn’t going to hurt to try it out. If it’s going to get him to sleep every night, and you’ll have to take him on drives daily, it’s worth it.

“Do you think it’ll work? I mean, will it get him to sleep?” You ask, lifting your head from his shoulder, looking a little hopeful.

“He’s fallen asleep during car rides before. Even if we’re driving down to the gas station, he ends up falling asleep. It’s worth a shot.” He nods, giving your arm an encouraging squeeze.

Your eyes slowly dart over his face and he leans down, pressing a few gentle kisses to your cheek, overdoing the kissing noises, pulling a laugh from you. “Okay. Let’s try it. If it doesn’t work, I don’t know what we’re going to do.”

“Have some hope, honey.” He smiles, pulling back. “The most we can do is try, and if it doesn’t work, at least we put in the effort to do something different.”

You nod, bringing your legs underneath you. “I’ll go get his car seat.”

Steve shakes his head, placing his hand on your leg to stop you from standing up. He shoots you a look that tells you that you shouldn’t have said that. “I’ll get his car seat. You go get your shoes on and sit in the car. I’ll be out in a minute.”

He wasn’t going to let you do too much, especially with everything you do in the house with how stubborn you can get. You nod and push yourself up from the floor and he stands up beside you, resting his hand on your back.

“Thank you, Steve.” You whisper, pressing a kiss to his collarbone and walking out Theo’s bedroom, making your way to the hallway downstairs.

You rest your hand on the radiator to balance yourself and slip your shoes on. You grab the car key from the table and head outside, slipping into the passenger seat of Steve’s new car that he had to buy after loosing his beamer. A quiet huff leaves your mouth, and you buckle your seatbelt, leaning your head back against the headrest.

After a moment, Steve walks outside with Theo against his chest and the car seat in his other hand. He walks over to the car and uses his finger to open the door, ducking inside and placing the car seat down. Theo’s still fussing, kicking his feet around until Steve settles him down in the car seat and secures the seatbelt. He jogs around to the driver’s side and slips in, starting the engine.

The car reverses out of your land and Theo’s cries start to sound forced. They’ve slowed down, and he sniffles every few seconds. You turn your head around to look at Theo and he’s looking out the window, looking more relaxed than he’s ever been at nighttime. You look back at Steve with a small smile.

“Where we driving to?” You ask quietly.

He looks at Theo through the rear-view mirror. “I’ll drive us around the block for a while until he goes to sleep.” He whispers.

“I’ll probably end up asleep before him.” You say with a grin.

“Good. You need to rest, baby.” He replies, glancing at you. “If this gets you both to sleep, it’s a win win.”

A sigh leaves your lips. “I really do hope our girl won’t be like this. It’s exhausting.”

“If she does end up refusing everything, we’ll try all the methods we’ve used for Theo. Something is bound to work. We shouldn’t think too negatively about this though, she’s not even here yet. We still need to get through the newborn stage.” He says with a small laugh.

You nod with a sleepy grin, letting your head flop to the side, staring out the window, watching as the streetlights stretch out every time you blink. His hand comes to your thigh, gently rubbing his hand from your thigh to your knee. He rolls down the window a little to let some air in and keeps his focus on the road.

“He’s definitely quietened down.” He whispers.

“Good.” You murmur, looking at him tiredly.

He grins at you. “Getting tired, honey?”

“I’m seconds away from falling asleep.” You mumble as your eyelids get heavier.

“Sleep, baby. I’ll wake you up when we get back home. I love you.” He squeezes your leg, glancing at Theo again through the rearview mirror, watching as he closes his eyes, his mouth wide open.

You say something completely incoherent and drop your head to the side again, closing your eyes. The car rattles against your head a little as you lean it near the window, and the soft hum of the car sends you into a sleep. Steve continues to drive the car around, making sure that Theo won’t wake up in a strop again. His thumb brushes over your leg, and the car falls silent. Now that he knows this will get Theo tired enough during a car ride, he’ll end up taking Theo out on a road trip whilst you’re asleep in bed.

They told you that you should be talking to someone about how you feel or spending more time with family as you weren’t seeing him anymore, but your immediate thought was to have an escape from everyone that knew you. It sounded easier than sitting down and awkwardly having to explain that Steve was disappearing due to him going into a ‘darker version of Hawkins with alien-like creatures’ which led you to breakup with him in the first place.

You’d been curled up on the sofa in the living room with your parents on the sofa opposite you, and you’d been slowly trying to bring up that you wanted to sign up for an open space to become a scout leader without rushing into the conversation too quickly. You needed to make sure that they were in a good mood before you possibly ruined it or made it worse.

“Mandy is waiting on me to tell her if I’ll be signing up for the scout leader position.” You finally managed out and shifted on the sofa, flashing them a small, awkward smile. “There’s still space for me to join.”  

Your mother sighed and folded the corner of the page in her book, placing it down on the arm of the chair. “You’re putting yourself up to do something that you need to commit to. You can’t pull out a few weeks in because it’s too tiring or it’s not what you were thinking it was going to be. I don’t think this is a good way to get your mind off that boy either.”

“I want to do it, mom. I went to scouts for years and you know that I really enjoyed it. It’s the same thing, but I’ll be leading activities instead.” You replied, glancing down at the floor. “And I’m doing this because I want to, not for any other reason.” You mumbled.

She smiled at you, shaking her head. “I was young like you too once, you know.”

“And what? At least I’m not going out to party and drink. I could be doing that instead if you’d like. I think you should be appreciating this more.” You huffed, stretching your legs out on the sofa.

“Be nice to your mother.” Your dad said sternly, glancing at you over his glasses that might as well have been completely off his nose.

You glanced at your dad, then back to your mother with a sigh. “I’m doing nothing else at the moment. I really want to.”

“What about being with family?” Your mother asked.

Your parents were always the type to want to have quality family time together. They were always the first to host Christmas meals at their house where everyone in your family would come over to eat and play board games. If you were to ever suggest eating dinner anywhere that wasn’t the dining room with them, you were pretty sure that they would disown you.

“It’s not like I’m going to disappear from this house, mom. Scout meetups are a few times a week for a few hours, and they go camping every few months. I’ll still be here.” You reassured her. “I’m twenty. I’m not a kid anymore.”

“Yet you’re still living under our roof.” Your dad shrugged, clearly only speaking when he has something snarky to say.

Your mother sat forward, resting her elbows on her knees and clasping her hands together. “I’m used to you being with us all the time. You’re growing up.” Her voice wavers, and there was clearly more to it than wanting you to healthily manage your breakup.

For a second, your chest felt tight hearing the change in her voice, but you couldn’t give in and hold back on something that had been on your mind for weeks. “Mom...” You sighed, watching the sad look on her face. “I know that you don’t want me to go anywhere, but I need to at some point, otherwise I’ll be stuck here bored out of my mind doing nothing with myself.”

She went silent for a few seconds, listening to your dad rustle the pages of his magazine, and you were bracing yourself for her to come up with another way for you to not go. “How long is this for and are you sure that you would really like to do this? You can’t stay in bed if you’re feeling lazy when you’re supposed to be out with the kids.” She asked.

“I can stay as a leader for as long as I want, I don’t think there’s a limit. I’d at least like a few years. I’d get some really nice experience. I don’t know how else I can get you to agree with me. I really wanna sign up for this.” You nodded quickly, basically begging her at that point as your last resort. “Please, mom.”

Her eyes darted to your dad who just shrugged, but it wasn’t a no which was a good sign. She tilted her head to the side with a surprisingly gentle look on her face. “This doesn’t mean that you’re escaping our family time though.”

Your face lit up and you quickly pushed yourself up from the sofa, padding over to your mother, and leaning down to wrap your arms around her. It was the least that you could do so she didn’t change her mind. “I could never miss it. Thank you, mom.”

You decided to stay downstairs with your parents for a little longer so that you didn’t make it too obvious that you were only there to ask about signing up. As it started to get further into the night, you crept upstairs to your bedroom and pulled the application that Mandy gave to you ‘just in case’ out from your drawer, grabbing a pen and filling in all the details.

There were more forms that you needed to sign and some training you had to do before you became an official leader, but it seemed pretty sweet to you that you’d be reliving your childhood, but as a leader that you used to look up to instead. It would be something that you could proudly put on forms for future jobs.

You’d be shaping kid’s lives, watching them try out new things and seeing how their faces light up, just like yours did when you were in their position years ago. They’d learn something valuable that they could wave around and show off to their friends which most kids wouldn’t be learning if they were constantly in their homes.

Your finger traced under your writing on the application, checking that everything was correct before quickly scribbling your signature down at the bottom. Life sounded less dull knowing that you’d be lighting fires, securing helmets on children’s heads for rock climbing, pitching tents, kayaking through rivers and hopefully not tipping over instead of being in your home all day, rethinking your whole life.

It all came back to this being an escape to forget about Steve, because the awful thing about it was that he really was sweet until he came out with these childish responses, and that’s what you couldn’t wrap your head around. He was careful with you, and he had to fuck that up. You didn’t want to ever find out the real reason for his distance. It was probably best to never find out.

Every year, towards the end of the summer, all the scout groups in your area come together to host a huge three-night camp to celebrate the children’s and leader’s achievements. It was a way for the kids to show off the skills they have learned or a chance for new starters to learn something new and to earn badges they haven’t had the chance to get.

The coach journey on the way to the campsite was always one of the best parts. All the kids were chanting words, singing songs they made up on the spot, counting how many silver-coloured cars they could see, asking the driver ‘how long until we’re there?’ and groaning when the driver replied with ‘soon’. One of the kids came to the front of the coach to sit beside you because his tummy felt uneasy which happened every time.

Once the coach started rocking and bumping over the pebbles and branches, your head turned to look out the window and the campsite came into view. There were already other coaches parked up further into the campsite with the other Scout groups stepping off to set up their tents for the next few days.

The coach started to slow down along the rocky path, and the cabins in the centre of the camp started to come into view. All the leaders get to stay in a cabin whilst the children stay in a tent. It’s an unfair advantage that gets spoken about every year, but you always shrug and tell the kids that it wasn’t a decision that you made. In the centre, there’s a huge cabin with toilets, a seating area, self-catering area and a room for any emergencies or accidents.

As soon as the coach came to a stop in the parking area, you whip your head around and see all the children already unbuckling their belts and getting up to grab their bags from the overhead compartment which you had clearly told them not to do before you set off.

“Okay, okay! Everyone take a seat.” You rush to stand up and call out so that the children at the back can hear you. “No pushing. When the row in front of you have grabbed their bags, then you can get up and get yours.” You say, shaking your head. “Christopher! What did I just say? Sit back down.”

Christopher grins at you from the aisle, slowly moving back to his seat. “I’m very sorry, your highness. I won’t do that again.”

The children start to giggle between each other at his comment, and you press the heel of your palms to your eyes with a sigh, then turning to the driver who looks horrified, pulling a laugh from you.

“I’ll help you unload the bags in the luggage compartment, makes this easier and quicker for the both of us.” You say with a small smile.

He lets out a relieved sigh, opening the doors. “Thank you.”

For the next twenty minutes, you spend your time taking out bags from the compartment at the side of the coach, waving them in the air for the children to come collect them. The children are already distracted, getting impatient because you’re spending too much time grabbing everyone’s bags.

Once you passed the final bag over, the driver slams the compartment shut and thanks you a few times before sprinting back onto the coach. You walk over to your group that decided not to listen to you and wander off after they collected their bags. Their shoes are already covered in dirt, and you haven’t done anything remotely messy yet.

You sigh, adjusting the bag on your shoulders. “I encourage you all to go to the toilet before you do anything. We had a long journey, and I don’t want anyone to be complaining that they need to go when we’re halfway through an activity. Do I need to repeat myself?” You ask, looking around.

They collectively nod, earning quiet ‘yes’s from some of the children.

“Good. The toilets are in the main cabin in the centre. Place your bags in the seating area for the time being, then we’ll get the tents set up.” You confirm with a smile, leading them over to the cabin.

The main cabin is already busy, and you suspect that all the groups haven’t arrived yet. There are children already running laps around the outside of the cabin and leaders leaning against the railing with mugs in their hands. You step inside and hold the door open for your group, waiting for them to set their bags down and make their way to the toilets.

It heavily smells of pinewood mixed with coffee from the self-catering area. You glance around the room until your eyes land on Mandy, the main leader of your group, and walk up to her with a sweet smile, gently tapping her shoulder.

Mandy turns around and almost jumps back like she’s surprised you made it here in one piece. “I was beginning to think you weren’t going to make it. How was the journey?” She asks with a grin, placing her coffee down on the table and patting the side of your arm.

You suck in a breath. “The kids talking each other’s ears off as usual. My instructions went through one ear and straight out the other, apparently. How was setting up?”

She gives you a look that already tells you she’s ready to be up and out of here. Her hand comes up to cover her mouth so nobody can see or hear what she’s saying. “Oh, it was awful. All these leaders have badges that I’m surprised they have. Nobody was cooperating. So much for being a leader.” She mumbles.

“I’m glad I wasn’t setting up this year then.” You laugh.

“They’ve picked an awful spot for camping this year. I’ll be shocked if they even did a risk assessment on this place.” She rolls her eyes. “I’m so glad that we get to pick where camp is next year.”

You nod. “I trust that you’ll pick somewhere nicer.”

A man calls out from behind Mandy. “Hey, we need some help over here.”

She flashes a quick smile to the man and then shoots you a helpless look as she follows him. You settle down on a wooden chair nearby, crossing your leg over the other whilst you wait for your group to finish up. The main doors into the cabin open and a man steps inside with a heavy looking backpack that surely looks like it’s going to knock him over.

He shrugs his bag off his shoulders and places it down beside a chair with a grunt. When he turns around to brush the crease in his trousers, it almost knocks the air from your lungs. Your stomach twists and you turn your head to the side as if he won’t work out who you are that way, glancing at him from the corner of your eye.

The reason you were sat here in the first place is sat in front of you, and you have no idea if he’s up to something or if he innocently signed up for this. After a few seconds of trying to avoid his gaze, you can see his eyes land on you and how he freezes. You swallow, rolling your eyes before narrowing your eyes at him, trying to work out why he’s here.

“Steve.” You say coldly. “You’re kidding, right?”

He presses his lips together, awkwardly glancing around the room, then his eyes drop to the floor.

You raise your eyebrows. “Are you back to convince me that you were attacked by aliens and you saved the day in your little fairytale?” You scoff. “You’re such a child, Steve. It’s honestly pathetic.”

His eyes dart to yours helplessly. “Don’t mention that. Don’t ruin this.”

“Ruin this?” You laugh. “You’re acting like you didn’t ruin a whole lot of shit for me two years ago. Why are you even here? I didn’t think this was your type of thing. Thought you’d be sticking to partying, not camping.”

“I volunteered myself.” He says quietly like it’s something he should be ashamed of.

A laugh slips from you again. “No way. I’ve got to be in another world right now. Maybe it’s the one with all the monsters you warned me about.” You quip.

His shoulders slump and he brushes his hands against his trousers. “Are you going to be like this the whole time we are here?” He asks.

You shrug. “Depends.”

Before he can ask you anything else, your group comes rushing back into the seating area and he clears his throat, standing up and walking away. He turns his head around to look at you, only for you to still be looking at him, and he quickly whips his head back around to focus on the self-catering station.

You stand up from your chair, dropping your gaze to all the children in front of you with a small smile, trying to forget that your ex-boyfriend is in the same room as you. “Have we got everyone here? Where’s Lizzie?”

“She’s still in the toilet.” Sally says from beside you.

“Could you go and tell her to be a little faster? We need to stick together.” You ask.

Sally nods and stumbles her way through the crowd of people, disappearing into the toilets. She comes back out a few seconds later with Lizzie flapping her wet hands about, trying to dry her hands quicker. They stand in front of you and you do a head count, checking that you’ve got everyone.

“Perfect. Grab your bags. Let’s set up.” You say, grabbing your bag and quickly glancing over at Steve before you head outside.

After a long trek down the site to find an open area, the children set their bags down and their gear to pitch their tents. You help the children clear out the sticks and rocks in the area so that it’s flat enough to keep the tents stable. One of the children comes up beside you, leaning down to grab the twigs scattered around.

“Who was that man you were talking to before?” Sally asks curiously.

You turn your head to face her with a small smile, even though the thought of him right now is making you feel uneasy. “He was an old friend of mine. I haven’t seen him in a long, long time.” You reply with a half-lie. You weren’t looking to explain to a young teenager about a relationship you had when it shouldn’t be something she should be thinking about yet.

“You looked like you were angry at him.” She says, and you pause.

Your shoulders drop and you sigh. “Did I?” You ask, trying to sound like you didn’t know you looked angry, when you were very much more than angry at Steve.

She nods, holding her stack of twigs and sticks close to her. “Did he do something wrong?”

“Nothing that you should worry about.” You smile, gently rubbing her back. “We’re going to be pitching the tents in a moment, so you can place the sticks somewhere away from our area. Preferably in a place where nobody will trip over them.”

She flashes you a quick smile and hurries back over to her friends with a quiet giggle. They probably saw something that you didn’t catch, and you were mortified about whatever questions they were going to ask you over the next few days. You walk over to the camping gear and clap a few times to gain their attention.

“Quick re-run over the rules.” You call out and they shuffle along to you. “There are four of you allowed in each tent. We have an odd number, so three is okay, but we can’t have five. There’s not enough space for five in a tent.”

The children are looking at each other, waving at their friends as they silently work out who they want in their tents. Some of them silently start moving towards their friends, wrapping their arms around each other like you’re going to pull them away if they don’t.

“Are we allowed to switch tents with our friends, so we all have a turn?” Robert asks.

You slowly nod. “I’ll say yes, but you’re responsible for moving your own gear and items and if there’s any drama over switching, then I’ll stop you from switching at all. Any more questions?” You ask, and they go silent. “Okay. Let’s pitch the tents. Help each other out, that’s what you’re all here for.”

They grab their gear from beside your feet and rush to a space to claim it. Your group have a lot of practice with pitching tents, and if needed, they can help the newer children who aren’t sure what to do. The point of this camp is to show skills, and teamwork is definitely up there.

As you’re walking around to check in on the groups setting their tents up, you can hear cheers and giggles coming from somewhere nearby. You turn around on your heel to see another Scout group coming to set up beside yours, and then you see Steve slowly trailing behind them with their gear in his hands, looking grumpier than ever.

“You alright over there?” You laugh at Steve. “You look like you’re struggling.”

He huffs, gripping the bags tighter. “I’m fine, thanks.”

“Do they not have their own hands to carry their things?” You ask as he walks past you.

“Doesn’t look like it.” He grumbles, grunting as he placed the gear on the floor, stretching his arms out.

His group seem to be using him as their own personal assistant, holding their bags and now attempting to pitch their tents that they don’t look that bothered trying to do. You’ve been standing watching him try to set up one of the children’s tents for the past five minutes, but he keeps sighing to himself and convincing the children that he’s ‘got it’.

You glance at your group who have already pitched their tents, and they’re sitting inside them, sorting the sleeping bags. After a while of contemplating going to help Steve save himself from embarrassment and possibly ending up with the children sleeping on grass, you walk over to him.

He’s trying to push the poles through the tent, but the poles keep popping out of the tent, collapsing it. You stand beside him, assessing what’s in front of you. “Have you ever pitched a tent before?” You ask, looking him up and down.

He clears his throat, folding his arms over his chest. “No, I haven’t.”

“I can tell.” You murmur, glancing at the collapsed tent.

“Why’d you ask me then?” He sighs, rubbing his hand against the side of his face.

You grin. “Because you’ve been making a right fool out of yourself in front of everyone for the past ten minutes. It’s hilarious.”

“Help me out then.” He groans.

“Aw, that’s sweet. You’re asking me for help.” You tease, already leaning down to pick up the poles that popped out of place and securing them tightly. “It’s a tent, Steve. If you don’t secure the poles tight enough, of course it’s going to collapse. This is supposed to be able to get through all types of weather. I thought that would be obvious.”

His ears go red at your comment as he watches you thread the poles through the tent. “I know that. The poles just… weren’t tightening any further.” He replies. “Faulty.”

“Sure.” You drag out, pushing the poles into the ground. “Need the pegs.”

“What do they look like?” He asks, searching through the bag.

“Oh Jesus, Steve.” You sigh, looking over your shoulder. “They should be silver and look like a hook.”

He scrambles through the bag, metal clinking together, and he takes out a handful of pegs, placing them in the palm of your hand. You push a peg into the ground to secure the corner, then push yourself up to secure the other three. Once you’ve checked that the tent’s secured, you step back beside him and take a look at it.

You tilt your head to the side with a grin. “Think you can do that for the other tents?”

“Sure, I can. Seems easy.” He says confidently.

“If it was easy, you wouldn’t have been struggling to connect poles together, which isn’t even the hardest part of pitching a tent, by the way.” You add, pressing your lips together to suppress a laugh.

His eyes narrow at you and he drags his hand down his face, looking completely hopeless. “You’re making this sound worse than it is.”

“It’s pretty unfortunate that you can’t set up a tent. I’m looking forward to see you trying to do other things.” You flash a mocking smirk at him.

“This is like a field day for you.” He sighs.

You shrug with a smile. “Have fun pitching the rest of your group’s tents. I expect to be back here in five minutes, tops.”

You walked back over to your group, smiling way too much for someone who’s only been here for two hours.

By the time the sun set behind the trees, all the Scout groups came together to sit around a fire that was much taller than you. Every group was tasked by the camp manager to grab as many logs and sticks as they could and bring them over. It became a competition between the children in your group that the person with the most sticks won, and it caused a lot of bickering whilst you were walking over.

Your group are sitting on the grass with blankets settled over their shoulders as they try to stay warm as the fire is doing nothing to keep anyone warm right now. The camp manager advised everyone to stay as far back from the fire to prevent anyone getting caught on fire, which was silly because the fire was mostly there for aesthetic more than for keeping everyone warm.

Steve’s group are beside you, which isn’t surprising. You’re convinced he’s going to be practically by your shoulder every day, and you don’t know whether to be angry that he’s doing this or keep mocking him. He’s been glancing at you all night, then looking away when you look over at him. He’s not subtle at all, and that only makes it funnier.

His group move to sit around him, breaking the main circle that connected all the Scout groups together. You glance at him, then at your group, watching as they stop their conversations between each other to see what Steve’s group is up to.

He notices that your group’s attention is on him, and his eyes dart to yours. You’re about to say something to take offence of this betrayal, but his voice cuts through. “Would you like to listen to a spooky story?” He asks your group, and they nod quickly, already shuffling over to mix with Steve’s group.

You huff and roll your eyes, shuffling yourself over with your group because there was nothing better that you could come up with anyway. He only smiles at your reaction, his eyes staying on you for a moment.

“Does it contain monsters in this story?” You ask, clearly referencing what he told you two years ago.

“You’ll have to see.” He shrugs, leaning against the log behind him. “There was once a girl that was walking through the woods to get back home.”

You roll your eyes, mumbling. “Cheesy.”

He shoots a look at you. “My story is anything but cheesy, thank you.” He replies, turning back to the children. “Anyway. She stumbled across a house in the middle of the woods with all the lights on. It had vines growing on the walls and it was old looking. She decided to check out the house and saw that the front door was open.”

One of the children huddled up in the group calls out. “Why would she go look?!”

Steve grins and continues. “She walked up to the front door and knocked once, waiting for someone to respond, but nobody responded so she knocked again. Again, there was no answer. She pushed the door open and stepped inside. The house was nicely decorated with paintings hung on the walls.”

The children are all leaning forward, their attention set on Steve. This is probably the one time that they’re going to be listening to something that’s been said to them.

“She decided to look around the house, so she walked through the living room. There was a coffee cup on the table, so it was clear someone was inside there recently. She continued to walk through the house, checking out the kitchen and looking through cupboards.”

His voice started to deepen, and though you swore to yourself that some children’s story wasn’t going to scare you, you could feel goosebumps prickling at your skin. You wanted to blame it on him dragging out the story.

“Then she decided to walk upstairs, dragging her hand along the hand railing. She stopped at the top, looking left and right. To her left, there was a long hallway leading to a room at the end, and to her right, there was a bathroom. She stepped into the bathroom to look around. The bathtub was pristine and everything was neatly set out.” He continued, glancing around at the children.

“This doesn’t sound scary.” A child says confidently.

“She stepped out the bathroom and wandered down the long hallway, slowly pushing the door open. It was a huge bedroom. Everything in there was white. The walls, wardrobe, dressing table and the bed. Then she noticed that there was a bump under the covers of the bed.” He said as a whisper.

The children gasped, gripping onto each other, holding them close.

“She walked up to the bed, placing her hand on the corner of the covers and then… BOO!” He lurches forward with a loud scream that was surely going to capture the attention of the other groups, causing all the children to jump, pulling a laugh from him.

You flinch backwards, your heart hammering against your ribs, placing your hands beside you on the grass. His eyes land on you and he laughs, sliding his hand through his hair. “Scared, huh?” He asks.

You clear your throat, shaking your head and rolling your eyes. “Be quiet, Steve. That wasn’t scary. I wasn’t scared.”

“Sure, you weren’t.” He grins, proud of himself.

“What happened next?” Christopher asks.

Steve turns to look at him. “The rest is unknown.”

All the children gasp, leaning into each other to whisper. You awkwardly brush your hands on your legs, glancing at your group. “I think it’s time you all head back to your tents now. We have a long day tomorrow.” You say quietly, pushing yourself to stand up.

They all whine and groan at your comment, slowly getting up from the grass.

“You’ll be thanking me tomorrow, I promise.” You add, doing a quick head count.

Steve stands up, brushing the grass that was stuck to his trousers. “Did you like my story?” He grins.

“I’ve heard better, Steve.” You murmur, leading your group to their tents, turning your flashlight on as it started to get dark.

Once you made sure that they were settled down in their tents, earning a few complaints because it was ‘too early’, you head to your cabin. You stepped inside and closed the door behind you, walking straight over to your bed and flopping backwards. You weren’t sure whether to hope for the days to go quickly or for them to drag for as long as they could.

The birds on the window ledge of your cabin woke you up early in the morning. You’d barely sat up in bed, and you already heard the kayaks being dragged across the grass and water splashing as people jumped in. The best part about camp was that there was no strict timetable, but activities ran all day which meant you could stay in bed for an extra five minutes.

You eventually slipped out of bed and quickly pulled on baggy shorts and a T-shirt that slipped from your shoulder. The main cabin was packed with leaders sitting in the seating area, deep in conversation. You walked over to the self-catering area and picked up a mug, turning the kettle on and waiting for the water to boil.

You’ve barely had time to process that Steve’s here, and he’s always around, wherever you look. He’s stood in a corner, leaning against the windowsill, sipping his drink. The kettle clicking pulls your gaze away from Steve and you pour the water into your cup, stirring the coffee.

Mandy walks over to you with a more cheerful smile than yesterday. “Morning.”

“Morning.” You grin, leaning against the wall.

“I know I said that this campsite was awful, but the beds are really comfy, so I’ll give them that.” She says, raising her cup in the air.

You nod, taking a sip of your coffee. “Felt like I was back at home, honestly. The cabins are really cozy. I’m glad we get a pass and don’t get to sleep in a tent.”

“I’m thankful for that every time we camp.” She replies, glancing around the room, then back at you. “That guy has had his eyes on you for a long time, by the way.”

“Who?” You ask.

She nods her head backwards, gesturing to Steve. “Him.”

You glance at Steve who’s looking at you, and he quickly turns his head around, pretending to look through his pockets. “Right, yeah. Him.” You murmur.

“Now you’ve got to tell me.” She says curiously.

“Another time, another time.” You laugh. “This is not the place for me to be speaking about it.”

“Right, but I will keep pestering you.” She grins, sipping her coffee. “We’re on kayaking today. I’ve made sure that our kayaks are safe, and they’re waiting to be used.”

Your head drops dramatically. “I have to do the honors of bringing them there and trying to get them to be sensible with the kayaks, how fun.”

She nudges your side with her elbow. “You’ll do great. I’ll be taking over to do the nature trail later tonight, anyway.”

“My savior.” You laugh.

When you finally reached the group’s tents after a long, five-minute walk from the main cabin to their area, they were already out of their tents and dressed, playing noughts and crosses with sticks in the mud. You clap your hands together to gain their attention, and they drop their sticks.

“I’ll be going through this once, so listen up because I won’t be repeating myself. This morning you will be kayaking with me. Then we’ll be going to the cabin for lunch. You’ll have an hour of free time, as long as you’re staying on the grounds and behaving appropriately. Then Mandy will be taking you on a nature trail in the afternoon.” You say, clasping your hands together.

Then their questions started to flood in, and you could barely make out what anyone was saying to you.

“Whoa, whoa. One at a time.” You laugh and then point at Robert. “Go on.”

“Are we allowed to swim?” He asks.

You shake your head. “Not in the part of the river that we’re heading to, no.” Then you point to Sally.

“Did you like the spooky story last night?” She asks, earning giggles from the rest of the group.

“It was okay.” You say, trying to hold in a laugh. “Are there any serious questions?” You ask, watching as their hands drop down and you nod. “Let’s get going.”

Once you arrived at the dock by the river, the kayaks were already in the water, the paddles settled on top. The life jackets were hung up on pegs beside the dock, so you get your group to line up whilst you pass them the jackets and secure them tightly. As you’re finishing tightening the last life jacket, Steve appears in front of you with an awkward smile on his face, his group behind him.

“Oh, today is my lucky day.” You sigh, grabbing a life jacket for yourself and slipping it on.

He reaches behind you to grab the life jackets, passing them to his group. “Incredibly lucky.”

If you thought it was bad enough having to see Steve whilst you were in the cabin or gathering with your group at their tents, then kayaking was a whole lot worse. You got your group into their kayaks and had to pair one of your children with one of the children in Steve’s group as they were double kayaks, and you needed to fill space.

When all the children were in, you walked along the dock to get to your kayak with Steve trailing behind you, tightening his life jacket. You paused as you looked around the water, only seeing one kayak.

“Really? Are you kidding me?” You groan.

He peers over the fence. “Only one left, huh?”

“I’m so glad that you have eyes too, Steve.” You huff, looking around again like one will appear in front of you if you look hard enough. “Front or back?” You ask, folding your arms as you turn to face him.

He blinks at you. “What?”

“Steve.” You whine. “Front or back of the kayak before I change my mind.”

“Back.” He replies. “I don’t think I’ll be good at the front if I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m not experienced with kayaking in the slightest.”

You grip onto the dock, slowly lowering yourself down into the front of the kayak. “Of course, you’re not. I’m not shocked.” You mutter.

He lowers himself into the back of the kayak, holding onto his paddle. “I’m honestly quite shocked that you’re letting me in the same kayak as you.”

You gently push off the dock so that you have enough room to paddle. “Don’t get yourself too excited. There was only one kayak left, and you’re not allowed to leave your group unsupervised. I’m only doing this because we have no choice.” You mumble. “Legally.”

As your groups are already off down the river, paddling away, way ahead of you, you’ve barely made it past the dock. Steve’s been trying to use the paddle, but he’s only been pushing you backwards into the rocks.

You look over your shoulder. “Steve, are you even watching what I’m doing?”

“I am. Have some sympathy. This is my first time kayaking.” He huffs.

“We’re not in sync at all. You need to be paddling in sync with me.” You sigh, facing forwards again. “Just keep your paddle still whilst I at least try get us closer to the kids, then you can try again. Watch what I do.”

He sets his paddle down and you start to paddle down the lake, eventually catching up with the children who turned their heads around to laugh at you. Steve laughs from behind you, seeing you get so frustrated.

“They’re laughing at you too, Steve.” You snapped, only making the children laugh more.

They continued to paddle down the river, pointing out otters that are laid on their backs, probably having more fun than you are. Eventually, Steve starts to paddle too, getting the hang of the movements and following what you do. Your paddle swoops under water, coming up and splashing Steve in the face.

“Hey, you got me wet.” He grumbles, brushing his hand over his face.

You grin, turning your head around. “You were bound to get wet at some point, Steve. You’re on a river.”

He rolls his eyes and waits for you to continue paddling before he starts moving side to side, making the kayak rock. You stop paddling and brace your hands on either side of the kayak.

“Steve!” You squeal, water sloshing around you as he rocks the kayak.

“What? I thought we were supposed to get wet on a river?” He teases.

You whip your head around, shooting him a glare. “If we end up in the water because of you, I swear to God.”

When you completed a lap around the river, being the last kayak to get back to the dock, you were quick to get out of the kayak, pushing yourself up and drying off. You didn’t hear the end of it from the children. They were relentless about you and Steve failing to get around the river in shape. You were crowned as the losers for the rest of the day, which you could agree was deserved.

Some of the other Scout group leaders saw you and Steve trying to get around the river together too, and their comments were worse. You wanted to go into your cabin and stay there until the coaches arrived on the last day.

At least Steve got something fun out of it, because clearly, he was more bothered about getting a laugh out of everyone instead of taking it seriously and trying to kayak. He was still the same Steve he was years ago, and you hated that you enjoyed seeing him this way. It almost made you forget that you broke up, and you don’t have this version of him anymore.

Everyone was up and out of their tents and cabins as soon as the sun rose the next morning. The heat from the sun was sweltering, and there was no air conditioning in the cabins. You had woken up in a hot sweat, immediately kicking the covers off, running to open a window.

When it was hot during camp, the only way to cool off was to jump into the water, which you were sure was going to be packed with people, and that’d only make it feel hotter. You dress in a pair of blue shorts and a tank top before rushing out of your cabin, making your way down to the lake.

As you walked along the path by the side of the lake, you saw your group dipping into the water, some sat on the rocks with their feet dipped in, and the others splashing each other to cool down. You looked around to see many camp managers around with hi-vis on and whistles around their necks, so you took the opportunity to keep walking around and find somewhere quieter.

You pad down a dock further along the river, settling down on the edge and taking your shoes off, placing them to the side and dipping your feet in. Your body instantly relaxes, and you swish your feet around in the water. A familiar voice comes from behind you, and you don’t need to turn around.

“I see we’re on the same boat.” He says with a laugh. “Get it, because we’re on a dock?”

You roll your eyes with a grin. “Ha, ha. Very funny.” You say sarcastically.

He takes his shoes off, almost tripping over and losing his balance, and sits down beside you, dipping his feet into the water. His hand is too close to your hand. It might as well be on top of yours.

“It’s too crowded at the other end. There’s no way anyone is comfortable over there.” You say quietly.

“Yeah, that’s why I came over here. Figured it would be less busy.” He nods, glancing at you for a second. “Are you not going to get in?” He asks.

You tilt your head to the side. “I didn’t bring a swimsuit with me, and I’m not walking back to my cabin dripping in water. I’ll save myself.”

“Everyone will be doing the same.” He shrugs. “I will be doing the same.”

“Well, you’re not me, Steve.” You smile, focusing on kicking your feet in the water. “I’m more than happy sitting up here with my feet in the water.”

He exhales through his nose, standing up and lifting his shirt off his head so he’s just in his shorts. “Suit yourself.”

He jumps off the edges of the dock into the water, coming up to the surface with his hair stuck to his forehead, spitting the water out. You roll your eyes and brush the water away from your face. Your eyes flick down to the deep scarring on his neck below his moles that you’ve never seen before, and you can’t push down the worry that’s growing inside you.

You clear your throat and look back at his face, trying not to focus on the scars. “When did you become a Scout leader, anyway?” You ask.

“Around seven months ago.” He replies, treading water.

Your eyebrows raise, surprised. “Wow. That actually sounds like a long time for you. I’m shocked you’ve lasted this long as a leader.”

“The kids are fun when they’re not ignoring me.” He sighs. “They’re yet to take me seriously for once.”

“They seemed to take you pretty seriously when you were telling that spooky story the other night.” You grin, resting your hands on the edges of the dock.

He smiles and shakes his head. “That was a first and a last. They only listen if Colin is talking, the other leader.”

“It was the same with my group for a while. They’ll get used to you eventually.” You say, flashing him a small smile. “I mean, I’m not shocked that they don’t take you seriously though. You’re Steve.” You laugh.

“What’s that meant to mean?” He asks.

How he doesn’t know about the effect that he has on people is slightly shocking. He can effortlessly make everyone laugh, every room that he walks into. He’s done that for years.

You shift on the dock, resting your hands on your lap. “Don’t twist my words and think that I’m being friendly with you, but you’re really funny without meaning to be. You’re an idiot that can make anyone laugh. It’s stupid, really. Nobody can take you seriously when you’re making them laugh.” You admit quietly, already regretting potentially boosting his ego.

“You’re definitely being friendly with me.” He grins.

You kick your foot under the water, splashing his face with a laugh. “Like I said, don’t twist my words.”

“Right, right, whatever.” He smiles, rubbing the water from his eyes. “I always knew you’d end up signing up to be a leader, but when did this happen?”

“Two years ago.” You sigh, your shoulders dropping. “It took a lot of convincing my parents to get here. They really wanted me to stay with them.”

He presses his lips together. “Sounds like your parents, alright. You’re old enough to be making your own decisions.”

“Believe it or not but I said the exact same thing to them.” You laugh, your eyes flicking down to the scars on his neck again.

The conversation between you both went on for a while until the camp manager blew the whistle and you had to get up to meet up with your groups for the next activities, even through the heat. He pushed himself up onto the dock and threw his shirt over his shoulder, walking beside you to the main area.

Whilst you were doing the next activity with the children, your mind and eyes couldn’t help but wander back over to Steve. It felt like nothing had changed whilst you were updating each other on your lives since being apart. You felt sick thinking about the scars on Steve’s neck, and you felt a strong urge to find out what happened.

Later in the night, you tried to get yourself settled down in bed, but you only sat against the headboard, staring at your door. The scars on Steve’s neck were practically burned into your eyes, and you felt uneasy going to sleep to never find out. You padded over to your window, looking outside to see a few people with their flashlights walking down the path, probably the last people to get into their cabins.

For a few moments, you paced around your cabin, not caring so much if your movements wake anyone up, trying to fight back the urge to have all your questions answered overnight. You cave in and slip your shoes on, grabbing your jacket from the hook and opening the door, quietly closing it behind you.

You remembered where Steve’s cabin was as you’ve given the cabin annoyed glances every time you’ve watched him walk in or out over the past few days. Once you reach his cabin, you quietly walk up the steps and knock on his door, hoping that he’s awake. The door opens seconds after, he’s standing in a T-shirt and shorts, his hair still messy from the lake. His mouth goes wide open, unable to form words.

“I know it’s late, don’t tell me. Can I come inside?” You ask. “Please?”

He nods quickly, stepping to the side. “Yeah, yeah, of course.”

You walk inside, brushing your shoes against the mat beneath your feet, and he closes the door behind you. He stands closely in front of you, his hand hovering over your side, looking more confused than he ever has.

“The scars on your neck, where are they from?” You swallow.

His eyes glass over and he shakes his head with a scoff. “We are not going there, not tonight. I’m not looking for having an argument over this again.”

“What do you mean again? This is the first time I’ve asked you about this.” You ask, squinting your eyes at him.

“Because my answer is something that you think I’m lying about, and I don’t want to see you walk away from me because of it again.” He chokes out.

You freeze hearing the crack in his voice. There was no way that whatever he had to say was a lie if he’s being this vulnerable in front of you, and if he is lying, then you’ll give it to him that he’s a pretty good actor.

“Tell me.” You say, more quietly.

He shakes his head. “I’m not arguing with you over this again. It’s not worth it.”

You look down at the ground for a moment, then back into his eyes. “I’ll listen, Steve. No matter how insane you’re going to sound.” You say, gently taking his arm and already leading him over to his bed before he can say no, sitting down on the edge.

“Please listen.” He whispers, gently placing his hand on top of yours when you nod. “When I was constantly disappearing and not letting you know where I was, it was for your safety. I didn’t want you to come out and look for me only to get hurt. I wasn’t going to sit there and let anything come for you.” He swallows, squeezing your hands tighter. “So, when you asked me to be honest, I couldn’t lie to you.”

You nod slowly, letting him continue.

“I know it sounds like some fantasy. I get it, it sounded like a fantasy to me too until I saw it all, but everything that I told you was real. Since then, I lost more friends in that place. My friends have lost their friends there too. Part of me was glad that you didn’t believe me, because that way you were safe, but I lost you, which was one of the things I tried so hard to stop from happening.” His voice breaks.

Your thumb brushes over the back of his hand. “So, the scars are from one of the… creatures there?” You ask, the word sounding weird on your tongue.

He nods. “It was a bat. Not the kind of bats that you see here, though. I wouldn’t say that’s the worst scar I have.” He says, slightly lifting his shirt to show you the scars on his sides and over his stomach.

Your eyes widen. “Jesus, fuck, Steve. I don’t know how I never saw those.”

He shrugs, letting his shirt flop down. “They’re definitely not the most beautiful sight.”

You look into his eyes, your lip trembling. “I don’t even… I feel sick. You were getting hurt and I left you on your own, during probably the most horrific time.”

His hand comes to your cheek, gently brushing away a tear that you didn’t realize slipped. “No, baby. I understood why you didn’t believe me, because I know that I do sound insane when I say it. I’m not blaming you for not believing something that doesn’t sound real.”

The nickname coming so effortlessly from his lips snapped something inside you, and your arms carefully come around him, burying your face into his neck. “I’m still so sorry. You were hurt. I wasn’t there to help you.” You sob.

His hand gently comes through your hair, holding you close to him after years of not being able to hold you. “There’s nothing to be sorry for. I’m safe now. We are all safe now.”

He gently brings you closer, sitting you down in his lap, his hands resting on your waist. You slowly lift your head from his neck, your eyes glassy. “Nothing will hurt you again?”

“Nothing. We made sure of it.” He whispers.

Your face comes to his neck again, gently pressing your lips over one of the scars on his neck. His hands tighten on your waist, a soft gasp escaping from his lips. You pull back from his neck, and he immediately presses his lips to yours. Your hands slip into his hair as he deepens the kiss. He shifts and slowly lays you on your back on the bed, keeping his lips on yours.

His hand slides up your side to rest on your cheek whilst his tongue slips across yours, pulling a gasp from you. He slowly started to rut against you, and you felt your cheeks heat up at the sight, almost forgetting to take a breath. Your hand comes up to gently tug the sleeve of his shirt, and he pulls away from your lips for a moment, catching at your hint.

“Wanting this off?” He grins, and his cockiness is already back.

You nod quickly and he leans over you, slipping his shirt off, dipping down to kiss you again. He’s taking his time with you, and you don’t know if you want him to hurry up or keep at this pace as it’s been a while since you’ve had a moment like this. His lips brush against your collarbone and he gently slides a strap down your shoulder.

“Yes, off, please.” You gasp out.

He nods, pulling the other strap down and sitting you up for a moment to pull the tank top away. His lips come back down to your skin, trailing over your bra and down to your stomach, and then back to your lips again. Your fingers dig into his shoulders, a soft whine slipping from your lips.

His hand blindly comes down to your shorts, and he carefully tugs your shorts and panties down at the same time, throwing them behind him. One of your hands slips into his hair, pulling his head down and desperately pressing your lips to his again. You can feel him smiling against your lips and you feel the tears pricking at your eyes again.

Having him back under your touch again was something that you weren’t ever expecting to have again. You convinced yourself that he was making some silly remarks only to never speak to you again, but you were so glad that you were wrong. You’re always going to love him, even with how crazy his life got.

He pulls back again to pull his shorts down, his boxers going down with them too. A grunt falls from his lips as he presses himself against your skin. His forehead comes to your shoulder, his shoulders rising up and down with every heavy breath.

“I love you.” He manages out through the crack in his voice. “I never stopped. Even when I entered that… awful place, I thought of you. Not a day went by that I wasn’t wishing that you were safe.”

Your hand gently brushes the side of his face, then sliding back through his hair, brushing his hair out of his face. “I love you, Steve. I’m glad that you’re safe.”

A soft smile twitches at his lips and his lips press to yours before he murmurs against your lips. “Tell me want you want, baby.”

You whine into his mouth. “Want you inside me. Please.” You beg, trailing your hands down his back, pressing him closer to you.

He groans, pressing his forehead to yours. “Fuck, okay. I’ve got you. I’ve got you, baby.” He repeats, reaching down and stroking his cock, a strangled sound leaving his throat. “Y’gotta be quiet, baby.”

You nod and he nudges his cock between your folds, quietly cursing to himself, and he slowly pushes in as the both of you gasp. His hand comes to hold your hand that’s rested beside your head, and his other hand rests on your waist. He looks into your eyes desperately and you nod.

He took the opportunity to push further in with a desperate thrust, and his head drops to your shoulder again. Your hand gently squeezes his you get used to his little desperate thrusts. You needed a little time to adjust to him.

Once the pressure of your hand on his relaxes, he pressed his lips to yours as he began to roll his hips into yours, immediately hitting the most perfect spot. You hadn’t realized that you were making sounds until his hand on your waist comes to rest over your lips and he only thrusts deeper, grinning at you.

“There we go.” He coos, looking down between where your bodies meet for a moment before he looks back into your eyes, leaning down to press kisses along your jaw. “Doing so well for me, baby. So perfect.” He murmurs against your skin. “Fuck.”

You whine against his hand, your words coming out muffled. “So good, Steve.”

He removes his hand from your lips and quickly presses his lips to yours again to muffle both of your moans. His hands slip into both of your hands, tightly gripping them and pressing them down into the sheets. Your hands squeeze his as he shifts slightly and finds a different angle, his pace quickening.

Your hand tugs away to slip from his grip and you slide your hand between your bodies, adding pressure to your clit and rubbing messy circles with your fingertips. When he realized what you were doing, he groaned into your mouth, almost losing the pace that he set.

He murmurs against your lips. “Fuck, that’s hot.”

His hand comes to yours, removing your hand from between your bodies and replacing your hand with his, circling your clit at a brutally slow pace. You gently bite down on his plush lip. The slow pace he has on your clit mixed with his cock thrusting inside of you burns perfectly.

“Steve.” You whine.

He slightly pulls away from your lips, rubbing your clit a little quicker, watching the way your breathing hitches as you try hold back any sounds from slipping so that you don’t get a lecture from any of the leaders tomorrow. “Y’look so pretty, baby. Always so, so pretty.” He whispers. “I love you… fuck. You feel so good. Squeezing me so tight.” He gasps, gently biting on your lip to muffle the noises coming from him.

Your hands grip onto his back, trying to hold him as close as you can even with how sticky and humid the cabin is. “I missed you, Steve.” You mumble with a gasp. “I’m sorry for doubting you and being so angry. I’m not doing that again. You’re not a liar.” You admit softly.

His tongue slides across your lip. “I know, baby. I don’t blame you.” He murmurs, his thrusts getting deeper. “I won’t be disappearing like that again, any time soon. Unless disaster strikes again.” He grins.

Always trying to be funny, no matter where you are, and that includes in bed. You roll your eyes at his comment, gently swatting his bicep, though a little smile twitches at the corner of your lip. “Idiot.” You murmured breathlessly.

He laughs, pressing his lips to yours again, and he starts pounding into you rapidly, a muffled squeak coming from your throat. His body shudders on top of you as he feels you clench around him, and your hand slips up the back of his neck, gently rubbing slow circles below the hair at the nape of his neck, pulling the sweetest string of moans from him.

Steve’s always been vocal, and he would be a lot louder if it wasn’t in the middle of the night with other leaders nearby to his cabin. You can tell he’s struggling to keep quiet, and you can’t blame him. It’s been over two years since you’ve been able to do this, even months before you broke up.

You gasp into his mouth. “Steve. Fuck.” You squirm beneath him and his large hand settles on your stomach, gently pressing down. “I’m so close. You feel amazing. Fuck. Keep going. Keep going.” You repeat, rambling underneath him, your voice coming out as a whine.

He groans, pressing further inside of you. “Wanna feel you squeezing me.”

You gasp, tugging the hair at the nape of his neck. “Oh fuck… Steve.” You sob, your head dropping back on the pillows. “I’m coming. Oh, fuck! I’m coming.” You whine and he presses his lips to yours as you squeeze around him.

He whimpers into your mouth, and he weakly thrusted a few more times before stilling inside you, filling you up perfectly, shaking above you. You’re trembling beneath him, your breaths coming out uneven and shaky. He leans down, immediately pressing gentle kisses over your face, his hand sliding under your head to hold you close to himself.

For a moment, neither of you move, focusing on relaxing into each other. His hand on the back of your head strokes gentle circles, and he carefully pulls out, watching your face. He lays on his side, bringing you close to his chest, playing with your hair to soothe you.

“I love you.” He whispers, tucking your head into his chest. “Stay in here with me. We can talk more in the morning.”

You nod, your eyes fluttering. “Okay.” You whisper. “I love you.”

“Sleep, baby.” He murmurs.

For the rest of the night, he keeps you close in his arms whilst you both fall asleep. This wasn’t what you thought you’d be getting out of camp when you first saw Steve arrive, but it ended the final day of camp perfectly. You got to see the part of Steve that he kept quiet, and you listened, even though it felt weird to hear.

In the early hours of the morning, Steve woke you up with a few kisses on your face, and you could feel him grinning without having to look at him. You shifted in his arms, slowly opening your eyes. He leans his head back a little to get a better look at you and he flashes you a wide grin that you could say you missed.

“I know it’s pretty early, but I’d like for us to not deal with comments from the leaders whilst we’re in the main cabin.” He says sadly.

You raise your eyebrows. “Kicking me out so soon, huh? Pretty rude of you to do after last night. I’m taking full offence.” You joke.

He rolls his eyes, pressing a sweet kiss to your lips. “Y’know I’d love to keep you in here. You need to get to your cabin and pack your things, though. The coaches come pretty early, and you need to make sure your kids are awake and their tents are stored.”

“Let me guess, you’ll need help taking your group’s tents down?” You ask.

He huffs. “Possibly.”

“I’m glad to be of help.” You grin, pushing yourself to sit up.

He sits beside you, the covers pooling around your waists. Your clothes are halfway off the bed and on the floor. He pulls you in for a quick kiss before he lets you slip out of bed and pick up your clothes. You slip your shorts on and pull your tank top over your head, then you slip your shoes on and your jacket.

“I’ll see you if you make it to the tents in one piece.” You grin, walking over to his side of the bed and kissing his cheek.

“Missing you already.” He grins, watching you walk over to the door.

You turn your head over your shoulder to look at him before you walk out, quietly closing the door behind you. It’s starting to get lighter outside, so you rush back over to your cabin before anyone can question you. You get inside and change your clothes before you start packing your clothes and items into your bag.

There are leaders already making their way over to the main cabin, so you swing your bag over your shoulders and walk out of your cabin, locking it behind you. You spent some time in the main cabin with the leaders, everyone having their morning coffee and talking about how the camp has been, already discussing the next one. Your eyes keep darting over to Steve who’s grinning at you from the other side of the room, Colin beside him.

With a few complaints and groans as you had to go sort out your groups to get on the coaches, you walk down to the tents with Mandy beside you. The tents are still zipped up, and the children haven’t got up yet. You sigh and clap your hands together, earning mumbles from inside the tents.

“Alright, time to get up!” You say, weaving around the tents. “The coaches arrive in an hour, so you need to be up and dressed to take your tents down.”

They slowly shuffle out of their sleeping bags, tents zipping open as they crawl out, looking all groggy and grumpy. For the next few minutes, they lazily grab their gear bags and start to take the tents apart, which didn’t take as long as you expected. You turn your head to see Steve standing by a tent, trying to take it apart.

You glance at Mandy and the group who are putting the tent gear away, and you walk over to Steve, standing in front of him. “Struggling again?” You ask with a grin.

“I’m never going to work this out.” He mumbles.

“I can teach you at some point when you’re not under pressure.” You laugh and lean down to pluck the pegs out the ground.

He grins. “My house?”

“Sure, Steve. Sure.” You nod, but you’re more than happy to do so if it meant that you’d be around him.

He helps you take the tents apart, which he’s much better at taking them apart than pitching them. It was clear that he wanted you to come over and help him for the sake of it. When you’re distracted and he sees no one is looking at you both, he presses a quick kiss to your cheek, earning a laugh and a ‘Steve!’ from you.

Once all the tents are down, you make your way back to your group and walk down to the coach parking area, and you feel a strange tugging in your chest. You hated leaving camp anyway, but you weren’t ready to be away from Steve after already having to be away from him for two years.

As you’re loading the children’s bags into the luggage compartment at the side of the bus, he calls your name from behind you and you whip your head around, your shoulders dropping by simply looking at him. He breathlessly pauses in front of you.

“My bus is almost ready to go, but I needed to see you before I leave.” He gasps out, resting his hands on the sides of your face.

A smile twitches at your lips. “I’m glad you’ve not disappeared again.”

“That won’t be happening again, I swear.” He says, pulling you closer to him. “I wanted to ask if we could try us again? I understand if you don’t want to after knowing what you know, but I won’t be running off anymore. There’s nothing crazy happening in my life.”

You tilt your head and press a sweet, gentle kiss to his lips. “Yes, as long as we are safe and I’m not going to get eaten by some weird creature.”

He grins. “Trust me, you’re safer than ever.”

“Well, you know where I live. I haven’t moved anywhere, still with my parents.” You smile, dragging your hand down his chest. “Feel free to stop by.”

“Oh, I will.” He says with a cocky smirk. “I’ll need come camping lessons if I’m really going to get into being a leader.”

“I’ll give you some.” You laugh, resting your forehead against his shoulder. “Now, get back to your coach before they drive away and leave you here.”

He gently lifts your head from his shoulder and presses his lips to yours in a deep, slow kiss, a quiet sound slipping from him. “I love you.” He whispers.

“I love you, Steve. I’ll see you soon.” You whisper, brushing the back of your fingers over his cheek.

“Don’t be surprised if I turn up tonight.” He grins, slowly stepping backwards.

You fold your arms over your chest. “Oh, I’m expecting you to.”

He waves at you before jogging over to his coach and you turn back to the luggage compartment, shaking your head with a smile. Once the bags are loaded up, you step onto the coach and take a seat next to Mandy at the front, and the driver slowly starts to drive down the path.

“I thought you were mad at your friend?” Sally asks from the seat behind you, and your cheeks heat up hearing the children laugh. They definitely saw you kissing Steve.

Camp didn’t go the way you were expecting it to, but it got you right back to who you were missing, and you were glad your parents gave into you. Steve wasn’t lying when he said he’d come to see you, you knew that. You’re expecting him to be waiting at your door when you get home.

You slip out of bed, feet patting against the cold, wooden floor before you gently push the bathroom door open, almost hesitant. Your eyes land on Steve, sat beside the toilet, looking pale and all teary-eyed. His hand is clutching at his stomach, shoulders moving up and down with every heavy exhale that leaves his lips. He blinks up at you, drowsy, slow, giving you that sweet, guilty look that tells you he didn’t want you to see him like this. All vulnerable and weak, but really, you’re glad that he hasn’t even kicked you out.

A slow breath leaves your lips, eyes glancing around the bathroom like you’re assessing the situation. After a few moments of listening to the air conditioning whirring, you’re the first to speak. “How long have you been in here for?” You ask, sitting down in front of him.

He sighs, keeping his eyes on the floor. “Maybe like, 10 minutes?” He says, like he doesn’t know himself. “I have thrown up twice now. I’m actually going to die.” He mumbles dramatically.

“You didn’t wake up to tell me because?” You ask, stretching out the last word.

He stares at you blankly. “That’s a really good question. You know, I’d just love to answer that.” He says with a sarcastic smile. Seems that even through him being sick, the sarcasm still sticks no matter what.

“Hilarious.” You mumble, rolling your eyes. “I’m going to go get you a glass of water, and you’re going to rest. You’re not going to complain, and you’re going to accept my help.” You say, leaving no room for any complaint that was about to leave his mouth.

When it came to Steve being in a vulnerable situation, he did everything he could to hide it from you or play it off as something small. It never worked on you, because you knew what was really going on inside his head. He refuses to be open, about pretty much everything, he says that it’s ‘embarrassing’. The first time he tried to hide from you, you had him all figured out. Someone at some point said something to him, made him feel weak, and now he rejects help.

He groans at your words, but he’s too tired to try change your mind and argue with you. “It’s not like I can’t move around. I can sort myself out. Didn’t want you coming in here to see me looking like a weak man.” He grumbles, letting his head fall back against the wall.

Before you slip out the bathroom, you stare at him for probably a second too long. “We’ve been together for nearly 3 years, can promise you nothing is embarrassing. I’d rather you be open with me instead of shutting yourself out.” You reassure him and make a beeline for the kitchen.

Your movements are quick, almost like you’re being timed. You grab a glass from the cupboard, turning the tap on, checking the water is cool enough before running the glass under it. The tap makes a slight squeak when you turn it off, and you head back to the bathroom.

Your feet pad across the bathroom floor, passing the glass to Steve and sitting down in front of him again. “Drink up, baby.” You say, sweet and gentle. “I’m going to make you a chicken soup for tomorrow, your favourite. Should help a little with the stomach pains, and it’ll be easier to get down.”

“Tomorrow?” He asks, raising his tone. A small grin twitches at his lips as he downs the water in one go.

You huff and roll your eyes. “You know what I meant, Steve.”

He places the empty glass down beside himself, focusing his attention on you. “Should be a nurse, y’know? Think you’d be pretty good.” He suggested, slowly blinking at you, the drowsiness clearly taking over him.

“I think there’s way more to being a nurse than giving you water and planning to make you a soup, baby.” You laugh, brushing the pad of your thumb over his cheek. He leans into your touch like a puppy, his eyelashes fluttering.

“Still. You take good care of me.” He mumbles, half-asleep.

“Wish that you let me do this more, Steve. I prefer for you to let me help you instead of pushing me away and refusing help when you know that you need it.” You say, eyes flicking over his guilt-ridden face.

A quiet, slow sigh leaves his lips, like he’s mentally going over what he wants to say. He looks like he’s physically trying to hold himself back, like saying the words would make him weaker, softer. Everything would become more real if he admitted his feelings, and he just didn’t want to admit the truth, not even to himself.

“I just—” He pauses, his lips forming a straight line as he thinks. “I don’t want to seem weak or soft. I should be the one that’s taking care of you, not the other way around. Whenever you help me, I have to admit that I’m weak, and I don’t want to.” He mumbles, trailing off.

You stay completely silent as he speaks, listening to every word and taking mental notes. “You’re not weak for needing help, baby. It’s okay to be taken care of every once in a while, even every day.” You whisper reassuringly, combing your hands through his hair.

He sighs, almost in defeat, like he can’t even attempt to disagree with you. A soft hum leaves his lips, and that’s all you need to hear.

“I’m going to bring blankets and pillows in here so we can sleep. I’d rather you be in here just in case you feel the need to throw up again. Not the comfiest place, but it saves me from needing to clean up.” You whisper, pressing a sweet, gentle kiss to his forehead before standing up. A relieved sigh leaves his lips, like he’s been waiting for you to kiss him forever.

You walk back into the bedroom to pick up your pillows and some fluffy blankets to make it comfortable for Steve. The sweet scent of the lavender detergent that Steve claims to hate because it’s ‘too strong’ lingers in the room, yet he buys it anyway. You carry the pillows and blankets back into the bathroom, settling them down on the floor to make a comfortable space for him.

“I know sleeping in the bed is better, but just for tonight. Don’t need to travel far if you feel sick again.” You say gently, opening the blanket for Steve to get under. He complies without a word, laying down beside you as you get warm under the blanket.

“What if I end up getting you sick too?” He asks, genuine concern written all over his face.

“You’ve most likely already given it to me, Steve. There’s no way of me getting out of it anyway. Name one time that we’re actually apart for a long period of time.” You laugh, gently brushing your hands through his hair.

“That is a good point, baby.” He says, cheek smushed against the pillow. His hand brushes over the top of your arm, gentle, lazy. “Can’t wait for that chicken soup, actually. My mouth’s already watering.” He grins.

“Oh no. Please don’t tell me you want me to make it for you now. I’m about to fall asleep.” You dramatically whine, pulling a laugh from him.

“Don’t be surprised if I wake you up at six in the morning asking for chicken soup. You’ve promised me it now, can’t go back.” He mumbles, pressing his lips to the top of your head. He’s sick, but you can’t bring yourself to care because it was bound to spread to you at some point.

“Shouldn’t have said anything.” You laugh, shaking your head. “Let’s get some rest baby, promise you’ll really appreciate it when you wake up in the morning.” You whisper, tangling your legs with his, getting as close as physically possible to him.

“I love you, baby.” He murmurs with a yawn, letting the sleep wash over him.

You press a gentle kiss to his cheek, resting your head on the pillow. “I love you, Steve. Wake me up if you need me.” You mumble.

The next few hours are mostly quiet, Steve waking up once to tell you he needs more water. His breathing steadies, synchronizing with yours. You can see the soft look on his face, less tense than he was before. Waking up at 4 in the morning was worth it, because he’s slowly starting to open up with you. Sleep you could get back, but hearing Steve being so vulnerable was something you wouldn’t. For now, his small confession was all that was needed.

Your eyes are heavy, cheek smushed against the pillows as you click on the notification. It was only a matter of time before the sleep crashed over you again. A huff leaves your lips, eyes flicking over the message, rereading it over and over again until your brain can make sense of the message. Your breathing suddenly hitches, placing your phone back down on the nightstand.

The image of you and Joe innocently walking down the street with Aveline being pushed around in her stroller burns into your mind. Every time you blink, the image circulates in your mind. You had given birth to Aveline not even 2 weeks ago, and paparazzi had already taken photos of you all together without you noticing. You’re frustrated. Not because you went out with Aveline in public, but because paparazzi have zero respect and basic human decency towards people who don’t always want to be in the headlines.

You rub your hand down your face, turning over to face Joe. A quiet sigh leaves your lips, eyes flickering over his moles, tracing over them like a dot to dot. He’s got that soft look on his face, that one that says he’s probably chasing the dream he’s having, wanting to draw it out for as long as possible. The thought of waking him up when he looks so comfortable has the guilt washing over you, but with the thoughts taking over your brain, you needed to tell him.

“Joe?” You whisper, gently brushing the pad of your thumb over his cheek, your hand trembling.

A quiet sound leaves his lips, and he moves himself closer to you under the sheets, tangling his legs with yours, almost subconsciously. The small smile that creeps on his lips has your heart fluttering, even through the stress.

“Baby?” You try again, pressing your lips to the top of his head.

He mumbles, half-asleep, but aware. “Mm. What’s up? What time is it?” He yawns, eyes still closed as he presses himself even further against you, chasing the warmth from your body.

“Early.” You say, the guiltiness dripping in your tone.

Without even needing to open his eyes, he notices. He always notices. Any change in tone or mood, he knows right away. You don’t need to say a word, and he can pull the words from your mind. It’s like he spends his free time reading you, knowing you, wanting to know your ins and outs. He knows how it feels to be understood, so he makes sure that you never doubt his love for you.

“Hey,” He starts, pressing his lips to your neck. “Don’t worry, you could wake me up at any time, even if it was just to kiss me, and I wouldn’t mind. Talk to me. I’m all ears, just not eyes.” He says with a laugh.

You let a shaky breath escape your lips, slipping your hands through his messy hair. Your movements are uncoordinated, almost as if you’ve forgotten how to function. You’ll just put the blame on the postpartum brain fog.

“Caroline messaged me.” You start, giving yourself a second to breathe before the words fall from your lips, basically holding your breath. “Paparazzi took a photo of us, including Aveline, a few days ago. I had no idea they were around and I feel awful. I just— we were going to keep her away from the public eye as best as we could. They could’ve at least respected our privacy. Now pictures of her are on the front of headlines. We didn’t even get to announce that she was born, they did it for us.” Your voice breaks, tears pooling up in your eyes, threatening to fall. “I’m so disappointed.”

His arms come around your waist, enveloping you in his warmth and love. The sweetest, and most gentle kisses are pressed to your head, causing a tear to slip. He gently slips his hand under your silk pyjama top, tracing soft circles on your skin.

“That’s so frustrating.” He says with a sigh, and you can tell he’s frowning without even having to look at him. “They’re so greedy for money. If they see anything that would be worth something to them, they will take a photo, no matter if they’re invading privacy. It’s all about the money for them.”

“I wanted— I really wanted her to be safe from this sort of stuff. She isn’t even 2 weeks old and has been exposed to paparazzi.” You choke out, dropping your head to Joe’s shoulder, letting your tears stain his shirt.

“We should be able to walk around without our every breath being captured and posted online.” He huffs, sliding his hands into your hair, grounding you.

“I wish I did more to cover her face.” You say with a defeated sigh.

“We shouldn’t have to. It’s not our fault at all.” He whispers into your ear.

You lift your head from his shoulder, blinking up at him for a moment as if you’re memorising every second of this moment. A small smile twitches at his lips.

“We can still do the baby announcement, our way. I’m not letting your idea get scrapped just because of some headlines.” He says, leaning down to press a gentle kiss to your lips.

“I love you. Thank you, thank you, thank you.” You mutter between kisses, pulling a laugh from him.

“I love the idea. There’s no way it’s being scrapped.” He says with a laugh, pulling you closer to his chest. “Let’s forget about the news for a while, you need sleep, don’t want you getting all sleepy throughout lunch again.” He whispers.

“Mm. Yeah. Need at least a few minutes of sleep.” You mumble, eyelashes fluttering as the sleep washes over you.

“Few hours. I’ll keep an eye on Aves and make sure that she’s okay. Don’t you worry about her. Need you to get some good quality sleep, mama. My turn to take full care of her today. Sleep.” He whispers, watching as your breathing slows down and synchronises with his.

The comments on your social media waited for you, but you pushed that thought to the back of your mind. No matter what anyone was to say about Aveline, you were going to make sure that nothing ever hurt her. Joe spends the rest of the morning half-asleep as his hands glide through your hair, watching over you and whispering sweet words into your ears. He presses a few kisses to the top of your head before slipping out, walking around the house with Aveline, turning the kettle on and taking care of her so that you could get some rest.