it comes a day late because she wasn't sure whether to send it at all, given the last few years and the searing rift still burning hot between them. they've spoken more in recent months than they have in what felt like an eon, and the hopeful, deep-seeded optimist within her prayed that the door was still cracked. morgana has missed so many birthdays, so many holidays. she knows she could have — should have — tried harder to reach out to him, but the disconnected lines filled her with an unthinkable and inescapable despair. she hasn't been able to fight the gnawing ache of guilt churning in the pit of her stomach, but at some point, she has to nurse the wounds of her own hurt, too; but she knows that she hurt him, and maybe she deserved the vitriol for giving up so fast.
morgana had to go through far too many hoops to have the gift delivered to kayn's doorstep. being so well-connected within the industry pays, especially in a business where you could barter and trade your name in gold, or favors somewhere out in a stretch off in the near or distant future. thankfully, she didn't have to cash in any of those, though. it was simpler, but not any less awkward with having to very loosely explain the situation in a rushed instagram message to the first member of HEARTSTEEL she could get a hold of. for once, she finds it's a small blessing that kayn's birthday falls so near to christmas. it made for a convincing excuse to be giving him a gift, but the issue had come in having to explain why she couldn't deliver it to him personally.
she wasn't sure how much the rest of his members knew regarding the fallout between kayn and ECLIPSE. part of it remains her story to tell, but she wasn't about to leave kayn strewn upon hot coals in a position he didn't deserve to be in. k'sante had been the first to answer, and kind enough to meet her to take the gift from her. she'd apologized profusely for forcing him to be the middle-man, admitting that she wasn't sure if kayn would have been willing to see her. she passed him the long box, wrapped carefully in matte-black paper with silvered purple crescent moons that glittered under the light — custom made wrapping paper, of course. a large, sheer purple ribbon was bound tightly around the box, and beneath the ribbon at the top was a carefully taped card, sealed tight in a black envelope. when morgana set the box across k'sante's arms, she had to smile at the surprise that flickered into his eyes at its weight. it wasn't terribly heavy, but certainly heavier than anything he was expecting it to be.
inside, kayn would find a custom-made four-string bass guitar. the fingerboard is a glistening, polished black, inlaid with gold, real gold; so are the pegs, at that. the strings are also coated with 24 karat gold, meeting the sharp-edged body, similar to that of a lightning bolt, of the bass. its center was a gradient of a deep royal purple blending with silver hues, while the outer edge was a black as night. now this, this required many owed-favors to be cashed in, but morgana thinks it's worth it. she hopes that it is. more than that, she hopes that kayn sees this as the olive branch that she means for it to be.
Kayn. Happy Birthday. I actually had this made a long time ago, but I never knew how to get it to you, or if it would be right, or when it'd be right. I hope I didn't miss the mark with it, and I hope that the timing is finally right. You're going to get this late, but I promise I didn't forget. I've always known. I hope this makes up for every birthday I've missed.
Morgana
There was a wild sort of panic in his eyes when K'Sante brought him the gift. H.EARTSTEEL celebrated yesterday, and though many of his gifts were last minute (not something he isn't used to, by the way — his birthday has always been an inconvenience, so close to a much larger gift-giving holiday), they were all so much more thoughtful than he anticipated. So when K'Sante approached him on the day between with a gift, Kayn thought he might have just come up with something better and opted to grab that instead.
But K'Sante had broken it to him gently, more gently than any other member of H.EARTSTEEL could have. The only other person he would've accepted such a gift from was Zed, and she must have known that.
He already feels wrung-out from yesterday. The panic when Sett barged in his room, the all-consuming rage, the creeping mortification, the rotting, gripping fear, and then the euphoria that he hasn't felt since—
They had been the last people he celebrated with. He hadn't wanted to, of course, had never posted about it, but they'd figured it out and made him laugh in the end. It's the kind of memory that would absolutely fucking gut him in the years that followed.
He wants to will up the anger that he felt earlier. Anger would be easier than whatever has his hands trembling as he traces the crescent moons on the paper. ECLIPSE moons. There's no other way to describe them. Kayn wishes he had the energy to throw the gift out and scream at K'Sante for even suggesting he bring it in the house, but of course he can't. His fingers slip under the tape of the wrapping paper like a knife through flesh, and he opens it as carefully as he opens any gift. Kayn can't help but cherish everything he's given, even if it only sinks the blade in deeper.
The guitar he uncovers is breathtaking, of course. Everything she comes up with is. He runs his trembling fingers over it, over the strings, pressing his thumb against the frets until it stings. How many years have gone by? How many years has he spent wrapped up in hurt and hate?
Propping the guitar up on his lap, Kayn plays a chord to test the sound, and it's only when the notes hang in the air — a crisp, cool sound that reminds him of a warm fire on a cold day — that he realises it's the opening chord for one of ECLIPSE's songs. Kayn hesitates, feeling the sound sink into his bones like a new resolution, and then he sniffles, rubbing his eyes and swiping a tear off the new guitar.
Fuck. It's too late to get her something this nice. How long has she held onto it? Kept it tuned, brushed the dust off? For fuck's sake, he's cried so much in the last couple of days, and he's not about to stop, apparently. He needs to get her something. He needs to fix the rift in his heart, needs to stitch it back up, build the bridges again, brick by brick. There's so much he needs to do, but all he can manage right now is to curl forwards, tears dripping onto his knees and the floor between, and sob for all the years he's missed, and how much he yearns to be with her again, in whatever way she'll allow.