Speak Up
"Don’t be afraid to speak your mind, no matter the consequences. Stay true to yourself.” - Unknown
People say that they respect those who speak what’s on their mind rather than agree to conform. I have had the worst experience in life with this problem as I have always been one to go with the flow and usually end up agreeing with someone to end the conversation when I get to uncomfortable or don’t like what they have to say. I hate conflict and confrontation at all costs and try to avoid it like the plague. I have had so many issues in the past with debates and conversations not ending well for me and I either just agree to end it or just say “I don’t know” and walk away awkwardly. Speaking up has proven to be one of the hardest things for me. I always end up conforming most of the time to keep people satisfied with my presence and friendship. Rather than staying true to myself, I do it in the name of peace for someone who might not even deserve my respect or patience. I have trusted the wrong people with my thoughts and spoke my mind just to get shut down or told that how I thought was wrong or stupid. Constantly experiencing this chipped away at my self confidence and ability to hold steadfast to what was true to myself. I became a “people-pleaser” and that causes my anxiety levels and stress to go up even higher. Because of this, I don’t know the right ways to defend my way of thinking without feeling fearful for being made out to be stupid or rendering my opinion worthless. Namely, my ex was one of the main reasons I got stuck in this endless cycle of being afraid. He made me feel so low in so many ways and robbed me of my sense of identity until I was essentially a puppet for him. I was to think the way he thought, I was to move when he said move, I was to report to him when he said to report to him. If I were to ever defy him or question/challenge his opinion, I was immediately torn apart until I gave in and agreed. Being with someone who mentally distorts the image you have of yourself and your way of thinking for so long, it really alters the way you perceive yourself and robs those around you from the truth they deserve to hear where my opinion is necessary or if they need brutal honesty and a reality check. I could not confront strangers in public unless I am enraged to the point of saying something. I would let people have expectations of me to do things that I would not want to do and then ignore them when it came down to coming through instead of saying no. I have let people tear me apart, degrade me, and insult me while just laughing it off and crying after the fact or storming to the closest person to gossip. As the days go by to the present, I still have the issue and it is a struggle. There are times when I want to say what’s on my mind, but it is more of maturity and my sense of value that keeps my mouth shut. If I see someone being mistreated or bullied, I speak up. When I hear about discrimination, I speak up. I get really passionate about things until I talk it to death.. my guess is that the overflow of words that come out and lingering on issues longer than necessary stems from being silenced for so long. Being told to shut up when they don’t agree with my point of view. I am learning to care less and be true to myself but I also struggle with defending myself and those around me to certain people and especially the ones who thrive off negativity because it will forever be an endless cycle of nonsense that I choose not to be a part of. You have to know when speaking up is necessary and when it’s not. You could being doing the right thing and defending your sense of value or you could harm yourself by subjecting yourself to dejection by someone who simply doesn’t get you. It’s just up to you whether you care enough to say what you think anyways regardless of the person or if you care more about peace and to drop the topic and move on. It’s always your choice and your life is determined on what you speak into existence. It comes with a so-called “price” - Do you people please and keep your thoughts in your mind or do you speak up no matter what anyone has to say? I’d rather speak up any day.. and I know I have some work to do. What price are YOU willing to pay?
