Feb 14, 2018
Wish I was still on holiday #takemeback #skiing #mountains #holidays #dissertationstress
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Wish I was still on holiday #takemeback #skiing #mountains #holidays #dissertationstress
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Post-concert afterglow.
Well, today has been amazing. It's quite incredible what a little bit of awesome live music will do for one's spirit. The show last night was just what I needed to hit the "reset" button. As my friend put it last night, I feel like my cup is full again.
I slept in until almost 9am this morning, after getting home around 2am. I was able to take my time getting ready and headed to campus around 11. I've been on campus since then and just feel relaxed and renewed. There have been a few minor incidents with RA's today (As usual), but my attitude has been different. Much more calm and level-headed feeling. I even decided to take an hour from my day to go hear a Cognitive Neuroscience talk by a guy from Princeton (M. Graziano), talking about human consciousness and the social brain. It was an interesting talk, and not something I would normally take time from my day to do. But something about last night made me feel like I should make more time for myself for personal and professional development. :)
Many thanks to my favorite band, Phish, for reminding what it feels like to be happy and alive again.
All I can say, is that I've been stressing myself out! Just when I think I got everything under "control" and am content and peaceful with things--BAM! Everything falls apart.
I know that I am too hard on myself and that with all my responsibilities, things are bound to get screwed up. But I can't help but being frustrated with myself. Feelings of incompetence are in full force and it sucks!
I need to RUN. I need YOGA. I need MEDITATION. These things always have helped. But I'm working over 12 hours a day and finding it hard to squeeze these things in! I need to do it though. NO excuses...except...haha. No really, no excuses. I need to get myself together!
Feeling frustrated, sad and defeated. Can't get a handle on things today. My dissertation proposal defense/presentation is tomorrow morning. Hopefully that's the main source of these feelings. Missing my dad more than ever. And wanting to give up on grad school and life in general at the moment. 4 years in and all this work, but totally feeling the urge to run the other way. Haven't meditated in days. And haven't exercised in over a week. Those two things missing from my routine are probably not helping me at all. I will try meditating tonight and in the morning. And I guess I should go for a run Saturday at the latest. These things are my coping mechanisms. Healthy and good,but they can be difficult to maintain. But it's easy enough to get back to it. No excuses.
"I use my energy to heal and transform."
Yesterday was a busy day--so busy in fact, that I never took the time to write. I had an early morning meeting and then company over in the afternoon for a cookout at the house, so after I meditated yesterday, I had to get on the road.
I am feeling a bit more disconnected than usual at the moment. Not sure exactly why, but I am guessing I am tired and feeling the dissertation stress. I have one week to finish my proposal and prepare a presentation to defend it. One week. I am pretty freaked out. I am hoping to get a lot done today and email my dissertation committee tomorrow to set up a date and time.
I also have the Color Run to do tomorrow. I signed up many months ago and almost forgot about it. I am guessing it will be a fun time--better than running alone tomorrow morning. I just hope I come home and get back to work afterwards.
Feeling the pressure. Probably need to meditate for a longer period of time and take a walk later to clear my mind.
"I use my energy to heal and transform."
Namaste.
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TODO:
start planning for wedding shoot.
begin street photography shoots (4 to be done in total minimum).
start diet - 2 stone to lose in 2.5 months.
work into sketchbooks and research folders.
start final essay.
begin research into dissertation.
sods law, the busiest time of the year and i re-discover tumblr.
Oh and i'm going for a chinese tonight, suppose the diet starts tomorrow!