literally, his head feathers were so rough they were snapping off and he had that funny headphone dent in his head for a hot minute

Before:

After:

CRPS Types I & II

A lot of this medical journey has been a guessing game at best. Doctors find it comforting somehow to tell you they aren’t too sure what they can do for you, but don’t worry they’re keeping up with the latest treatments. Yet, while they wait, your life passes you by.

Living with this condition has tested me in ways I didn’t believe were possible. I used to think I had a high threshold for pain, but now pain is a friend to me. When most people experience pain, it’s alarming to them, making them need to get fixed or put back together so the pain fades. If CRPS teaches you one thing, it’s how strong the human body and mind really are.

Every waking moment, of every single minute, of every single hour, of every single day pain residents inside my entire left leg. I haven’t been charging rent so this motherf*ckers here for to stay. Ones body becomes trapped, things you used to love doing you now can’t. Things you want to experience and do, you have to think of every single angle of how your CRPS could affect that; when all is said and done, it just isn’t worth it.

Everyone always asks, well what does it feel like? Well, let me do my best to share my take on this condition. Imagine for a moment that a limb of yours was taken over by someone else, you don’t control it anymore it controls you. Instead of being proactive you are constantly reacting to how your affected limb is that hour, not day, hour. Imagine making plans with all your friends and the hour you need to be getting ready, you spend keeled over in tears trying not to pass out the pain is so intense. Imagine for a minute your body was being cremated while you were still inside it.. starting with my entire left leg, I am in an inferno. Gravity is a bit of a cunt when you have CRPS in your lower extremities because the swelling just trickles down into your foot. Now imagine a water balloon, being hooked up to a hose line and turned in full blast. There is a moment, right before the balloon bursts under pressed and it is stretched to its maximum capacity; that is how this feels in my toes. The skin is at maximum capacity, my nerves are screaming that it’s time to get our life jacket and head for safety. Instead, it feels like the skin on my toes and foot are ripping apart like some pull apart bread you’d eat on super bowl Sunday.

I do not claim to have this thing figured out because the cognitive lags & other symptoms it causes I refuse to acknowledge. It’s just too daunting. It’s too daunting to wake up every single day and wonder how bad it is going to be today, never how good it could be because that never happens. You paint on a smile for those around you so they don’t notice, you learn how to be a comedian & chameleon fading into the background. You learn a lot about yourself in a journey as trying as this.

Totally! I'm going to use this as an opportunity to point out everything I can visibly see wrong with Toto, not just the feather discolouration!

First let's start with the more noticeable issues, broken feathers! The tips of some of his primary wing feathers and some tail feathers are snapped off leaving a "V" shape of filaments extending past the central shaft of the feather. This can be due to a poor diet creating a weak feather that's prone to breakage but in some cases the feathers can just break by getting caught on something and feather destructive behaviours. The tail was most likely damaged because of being in a small cage and rubbing his tail backwards against the bars, the wings likely broke because the wings used to be clipped and as the feathers grew in there wouldn't be other primary flight feathers surrounding the new feather to support it. So the new wing feather would be more prone to snapping against the force of the wind or various physical impacts.

Also visible in this image is general poor feather structure. The edges of all the tail feathers demonstrate some rippling like a wave and some feathers have a big bend in the central shaft. Those are big indicators of an unhealthy feather.

The left two arrows are pointing to tiny black specks, those are small areas of discoloured pigment! Sometimes these can form as a feather naturally breaks down or the feather gets damaged (notice how the wing has a lot of black specks around the "V" shape) but it can also be an indication of poor health.

Here we see more discoloured bits, along the very edge of almost every feather we see some brown! You do have to be careful when analyzing edges since sometimes the iridescence of a feather can create a bit of an illusion but in this instance we can see that no matter how the light hits the feather the brown edge stays the same. This kind of discolouration doesn't usually show up right when a new feather is made but will show up over time as the feather breaks down quicker than it's supposed to. That happens because when the feather was formed there weren't adequate nutrients available to make a healthy durable feather that would stay green all the way to the end of it's moult cycle. You'll also see this kind of discolouration form if you over-handle your bird, the oils from your hand can remove protective barriers from their feathers and damage them which is why you'll often see birds with black-edged head or back feathers from hand cuddles and scritches.

This can also be a sign of more serious health problems so it's best to get a vet to evaluate them to knock off potential organ damage as a cause.

With the wings we see the two cut feathers, since the filaments are cut to the same length as the shaft in a straight line these were most likely clipped by a pair of scissors. In that sense this is not a sign of a health problem, just someone wanting to prevent the bird from flying. These will moult out at the end of their cycle just fine and be replaced by new full feathers next time.

There's also some white spots along the central feather shaft of some feathers, sometimes this is just build-up of dust but it can also be stress bars demonstrating a lack of available nutrients during that point in feather production or an overall stressful period where the body wasn't able to synthesize the nutrients to make the feather in that spot properly. Stress bars usually present themselves by warping the colour along the filaments as well not just the shaft but it does happen just on the shaft sometimes.

More "V" shaped wing tips, just general breakage from the lack of support feathers when they were growing out the clip job. Potentially also a more brittle feather due to poor nutrition or underlying health problems. Same as above.

On the tail we see a lot of fraying along the edges and ends of the feather, this can be due to him rubbing his tail against cage bars for too long but it can also be a sign of a weak feather structure. Feather filaments will separate like this during rigorous activity and play but they should be able to reattach back to their singular healthy shape with regular preening. Feather filaments have tiny little hooks on them that latch together like velcro, if the feather can't reattach with normal preening then that suggests the feather structure has been compromised. Whether that's because of poor nutrition, health problems or just excessive physical damage we won't be able to tell until a vet check!

Next we have the beak. Beaks can be tricky because they change a lot with breeding hormones and seasonal moulting. Right now Toto is going through a very heavy moult so his body will be using up a lot of the same nutrients that are needed for a healthy beak, he will be replacing his current beak layer and he will be producing a lot of dust which will get caught in the little cracks in the old beak layers and make them look worse than they might really be.

The top layer of a beak is the oldest layer that will be shedding off while new layers are growing in underneath. The tip of his beak is pretty normal, maybe a small bit long but not too bad really. The large crack at the tip is standard for what a beak looks like when replacing a beak layer. The white flaky appearance covering the rest of the beak, however, is not! A healthy beak should be smooth and uniform in colour for the most part. Flakiness can suggest a nutrient imbalance or more serious health problems.

Since Toto has been on a seed based diet with little to no fresh foods it's very likely that he's been lacking the nutrients necessary to make a healthy beak.

Last is the nails and I'm sorry I don't have perfect reference photos for these yet since he's still a bit scared of the camera but here's what we've got:

His nails are too long, primarily his longest toes on the front of both feet. The best way to analyze a nail is by looking at how they stand on a flat surface, they should be able to stand with a totally flat foot where the pads of the foot rest completely on the surface and the nail is just barely above the surface.

In Toto's case if he puts his pads all down the toe has to twist to compensate for the length of the nail. This puts a lot of pressure on his toes and can warp/ damage them over time.

His back nails appear to be a pretty adequate length, on a perch you can see that the nail tip is just hovering over the perch. Perches are a less accurate way to check nail length since perch diameter will influence how the nail sits and a bird can change how much they clench their foot but it's all I've got for reference right now.

Here you can see the front toe on a slightly rounded surface and if his toe is held straight (not twisted) the tip of the nail holds the pads up off of the surface quite a bit!

If we compare this to Newt's nails it becomes a lot clearer just how long they are, even in this pic Newt could use a small little bit filed off the tips.

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