The Weaker We Feel (The Harder We Lean)
Pairing: Geralt/Eskel/Lambert
Summary: Geralt both hates and loves winters at Kaer Morhen, but in recent years, the pain in his knee has only gotten worse, which seriously dampens his mood and makes winters more and more unbearable as the years go on. Sometimes, Geralt considers wintering in Corvo Bianco, or even in the City of Golden Towers with Ciri in the Emperor’s palace, where the milder winters would be kinder on his injured knee. But his family is up in the North, and Geralt will endure a few months of physical discomfort if it means spending time with his lovers and Vesemir.
Warnings: canonically disabled character, angst
Geralt both loves and hates the winters at Kaer Morhen.
He loves the peace and quiet he enjoys in the only home he truly remembers. The keep is a safe haven, a place where Geralt can just be without feeling the crushing weight of responsibility and duty on his shoulders. Kaer Morhen is where his family is, where Vesemir awaits the return of his three surviving pups with a pot of steaming stew, warmed up ale, and other treats that the witchers so rarely get to enjoy on the Path. Kaer Morhen is where Eskel and Lambert are, welcoming Geralt back home with warm embraces, desperate kisses, and tender caresses. The keep is the only place where the three witchers feel safe enough to openly show their affection for each other, away from prying eyes and judgemental comments they so often face in the world outside of Kaer Morhen. This ramshackle castle is Geralt’s home , a home he cherishes and would defend with his life if it came to it.
Kaer Morhen, for all the safety and small comforts Geralt associates the place with, does come with its drawbacks. The castle is closer to a ruin now. The place that once was inhabited by hundreds is far too big now for the four surviving wolf witchers. Returning to his dilapidated home is always bittersweet for Geralt. Kaer Morhen evokes all sorts of memories. The better ones involve Geralt and Eskel painting the castle red with their (mostly) harmless pranks, two mischievous boys who found solace in each other in this strange and foreign place. Geralt also fondly remembers other boys in his year; Aubry, Gweld and Gardis, who all bunked in the same dormitory as Eskel and Geralt. Frank occasionally joined them too, though he was quieter and usually stuck to Aubry like glue.
Some memories Geralt tries not to linger on. The trials, the sacking, the Tournament, the drills, receiving a beating in master Rennes’ office, dead boys being carried out to the funeral pyres when they failed to survive the Grasses. Those memories Geralt works so hard to repress have a way of resurfacing the second he steps foot inside the keep. Sometimes, Geralt looks up and sees Eskel staring absently in the distance, glassy-eyed and drunk on black gull, lost so far in the whirlwind of his own tormented mind that Geralt cannot hope to pull him back. Other times, Geralt catches Lambert wiping his eyes angrily with the back of his hand when he comes back from his fishing trip near the lake. Geralt recently found out that Lambert always goes on a pilgrimage to the caves north of Kaer Morhen, Old Speartip’s dwelling place before Lambert and Geralt killed him several years prior, to honour the memory of his dear friend Voltehre.
Geralt both loves and hates winters at Kaer Morhen, but the most challenging aspect for him is the cold. The biting wind and harsh winter temperatures manage to seep through every crack, hole, and fissure in the walls, lesions which are far too numerous for only four witchers to keep on top of every winter. Keeping the fires going every winter is no straightforward task. At the height of winter, the snow has a way of trapping the witchers inside and considerably complicating the task of leaving their sanctuary to gather and chop up firewood. Although Geralt has his lovers to keep him warm, even the human furnaces that are Eskel and Lambert cannot soothe the way the nerves in Geralt’s knees flare up during the winter months. Sometimes the pain is so intense that Geralt’s entire leg seizes up, making it impossible for him to get out of bed without hobbling. It’s degrading, even more so when Eskel has to support him so Geralt doesn’t faceplant the floor, or when Lambert has to carry him to the hot springs, the kitchen, or even the privy because Geralt feels lightheaded from the pain.
Geralt both hates and loves winters at Kaer Morhen, but in recent years, the pain in his knee has only gotten worse, which seriously dampens his mood and makes winters more and more unbearable as the years go on. Sometimes, Geralt considers wintering in Corvo Bianco, or even in the City of Golden Towers with Ciri in the Emperor’s palace, where the milder winters would be kinder on his injured knee. But his family is up in the North, and Geralt will endure a few months of physical discomfort if it means spending time with his lovers and Vesemir.
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