so essentially, because gortash is the last netherstone dirge gets, gortasb kills off a ton of the patriars. this frees up all of their assets, including their expensive manor houses. now, the absolute finale DOES cause a lot of property damage throughout the gate, so despite a lot of those houses now being ownerless, there isn't an immediate rush to snap them up cuz the Gate is so trashed. this is a surprise tool to help us later
immediately after the absolutes defeat, everyone's tadpoles hit the suicide button (which is fun, enjoy vomitting up leftover illithid biomass as it flushes out of your brains everyone). while dirge's parasite specifically survives that command, its out of commission, and because his tadpole was helping to cope with his TBI, when it gets nuked his wound reopens (now without a convenient hole through his skull). Dirge suffers brain bleeding and swelling, which very quickly leads to a loss of motor function and speech, and then he full on falls unconscious. While he gets stabilized (thanks omeluum!), his body (still consisting of flesh taken from a god despite Bhaal reclaiming his blood) pushes him into a torpor state to recover, and immediately post game Dirge is pretty soundly Out Of Commission For The Immediate Future
this puts ALL the companions in a bit of a quandry
one of the consistent elements i play with wrt dirge is that of responsibility. i take a lot of the gameplay conceits of BG3 and interpret them as character traits, because i feel like it helps round out the party as flawed but enjoyable characters. a major one of those is how, as party leader (and protagonist), Dirge's decisions on behalf of the party carry the most weight for them. Whatever Dirge decides, the party will more or less fall in lockstep with. This is helpful for things like combat. This is wildly unsustainable for living the rest of your life.
Mostly, its just because its easier for them. Dirge is clever, insightful, and sympathetic, and when faced with overwhelming emotional turmoil, outsourcing your solution to him is wildly more successful than throwing yourself at it. So Dirge talks Shadowheart through abandoning Shar, regularly and consistently finds Vlaakith restrictive and exploitative to Laezels face, takes it upon himself to find loopholes in Wylls pact, confidently asserts Cazador will be roadkill as soon as they get to the Gate (which is correct), hunts down and seeks out infernal iron and potential avenues of a cure for Karlach, and doesnt even entertain the idea of Gale killing himself. While he avoids outright deciding things for his friends whenever possible, game mechanics ensure that Dirge "gets the good ending" for everyone. But that also, to a degree, removes responsibility from the companions for their own decisions, their own lives. Thats insanely tasty to me, and I want to play with that as much as possible.
When the time comes for those endings to get "locked in" so to speak, Dirge is wholly unavailable. Does Shadowheart want to adventure, or live with her parents? Does Laezel want to follow Orpheus on a red dragon back to the astral plane? What does Wyll want to do now that his pact is broken? Does Karlach genuinely want to die, knowing she'll never see anyone, including and especially Dirge, again until they've all passed on? How does Astarion want to spend his eternity now that Cazador's dead? What does Gale want to do with the crown of karsus?
Dirge isn't there to offer his opinion or try to talk them out of being self destructive. They have to take their growth, born of his support, and walk the final steps themselves.
The companions all have fun and interesting decisions I like to play with, but for right now the kicker here is Minthara.
See, Minthara defers a lot of responsibility onto Dirge, and seamlessly slots herself at his side to occupy the niche of advisor and confidante. Its a position that allows her security and stability with the one person she knows for a fact is sympathetic to her, that mitigates the risk of being surrounded by potentially hostile strangers. If Dirge is the leader, and shes at his side, her chances of being backstabbed are that much lower, presuming that no one would risk Dirge's ire and their own position within the party. This is also how Dirge earns a lot of her initial respect, with his straightforward and blunt manner of command. Dirge ponders a course of action, decides, then fully commits to it without hesitation. He isn't afraid of disagreeing with her, even after taking a more submissive position in their relationship once theyve established it. So Minthara has a very safe position of being able to propose courses of action without fully bearing the responsibility of carrying them out, and thus the consequences of those actions. Minthara is willing to commit to everything she proposes, but shes insulated to a degree from the fallback if anything goes south, because those actions get confirmed by Dirge.
So when Dirge collapses and shows no sign of waking, when he might not wake up for months if not longer, Minthara has to decide how she ought to live her life post Absolute without his input. She has to trust that Dirge will support her, she has to trust that he'll wake up, and she has to build her life without being able to bounce those decisions back onto him. Her situation is vastly different from her comfortable spot playing the game back in Menzoberranzan. She is an outcast in the Gate, she will be reviled if she goes back to Menzo. She has betrayed Lolth from her forcible conversion, then abandoned Lolth in turn once her mind was her own. The men she brought from House Baenre were mulched or converted. There is no warm welcome in Baldur's Gate, and there is no warm welcome back in Menzoberranzan. What does she want? Does she want to struggle to reassert herself in Menzo, to chase the life she once had and topple her house? Or does she want to struggle to build a new life here on the surface, a reviled drow with only her connection to the heroes of the Gate as influence?
In the end, Minthara decides she cannot risk moving Dirge through the Underdark in his current condition. And if she'll be here until he awakens, then she cannot simply wait to build a stable foundation. She has to build it without him. And with the Gate in shambles, its upper class destroyed, with connections to the Guild and blackmail on the Knights of the Shield, this power vaccuum won't last forever. So she strikes while the iron is hot, and uses the resources accumulated throughout their crusade against the Absolute, and snatches up one of the ruined abandoned properties of the patriars, and sets herself to reconstruction. There are connections to make, theres influence to leverage, power plays to ingratiate herself to. She has to be prepared to live here, longterm. And one of Minthara's strengths is her commitment. Once she sets her mind to something, she attacks it full force. If she cannot return home, she will not go back.
Dirge's torpor is, I think, the kick Minthara needs to step out from her position beside Dirge into the spotlight, to be highly visible and solitary in an unfamiliar world whose rules she has yet to comfortably grasp (keyword: comfortably, because Minthara is anything but ignorant). Its a testament to her experience and maturity, i feel, that she makes this decision without much prompting or debate. I think she would ruminate on it for a few days, watching her alurrssriin for any signs of waking, and then commit herself fully to her decision. She'd prefer if he was there for this, and if he decided to stay in Baldur's Gate, shed complain but agree. But this is her life, her priorities, her decision, and nobody elses.
I definitely consider it telling how Minthara wouldn't really allow herself to ruminate past the point of slight indulgence, and how this essentially negates the oppurtunity for regrets to pile up. despite having a full several centuries ahead of her, shes a very "in the moment" kind of person imo, v occupied with what Is and what Will Be, and doesnt spend much time circling the past. she still bears its weight ofc, and it shows, but shes reckoned with herself enough to keep it from kneecapping her. So the decision to stay in Baldur's Gate is a measured one, considering all angles including her sentimentality wrt her home, and its one she makes by herself, for herself. Evaluating if a life spent on an unfamiliar surface, awaiting the awakening of a partner and comrade with no clear indications of when to expect his presence again, and balancing it against her desires to return to Menzoberranzan, to overthrow her mother, to try and grasp some catharsis through conquest. She chooses him, and she chooses to start anew, and she does so because she decides thats what she wants to gamble on, and does it without asking Dirge's opinion on what HE'D want to do, or what HE thinks is best. She trusts that she knows his mind well enough to predict his feelings. And once she decides, Minthara's all in.
So yeah! Post game Minthara yoinks a patriars manor up for sale cuz he got brutally murdered and starts renovating it for her menzo tastes while she establishes herself in the circles of power left in the Gate. Gales position isnt nearly as complicated LMAO
Gale, without Dirge to bounce opinions on, is left in a bind. He isnt entirely sure if he wants to pursue ascension, esp cuz Dirge has gone on record that he thinks it'd strip Gale of whats valuable and interesting about him, but he's also really uncertain about if he wants to return it to Mystra. Or toss it into the Chionthar. Theres also the matter that he hasnt spoken to his mother since his depression year in the tower, and Dirge's playthrough takes about 16-18 months. So. Years plural since talking to her, before disappearing off the face of the earth. And, unmoored and indecisive as he is, Gale instead opts for the easy way out of endlessly deliberating. Initially, he has the excuse of staying by Dirge's bedside to help watch over him while they all await his awakening, so he couchsurfs at Jaheira's. But then Minthara gets her house, and Dirge is moved there, and then Gale is couchsurfing in Minthara's house. And then Dirge wakes up. And Gale just kindaaaaa?? Doesnt go home LMAO. Its been 6 months post Absolute that convo is gonna be GODAWFUL. Hes "researching". Hes feelin stuff out. Hes blatantly avoiding getting yelled at by his mommy cuz he doesnt rly know how to handle interpersonal fuckups that are solely his fault. I love Gale but I think he can very easily talk himself into and out of situations if he isnt grounded by another person and Dirge is comatose LMAOOO
So now Minthy has some fuckass wizard loitering around. Free bullying target
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Former Head Primate of the Temple of Bhaal within Baldur's Gate, former Chosen of Bhaal, the Killer of Gorion's Ward, who by his own hand ushered over two thousand people to their graves, and through his influence damned thousands more to similar ends, Architect of the Absolute, Jewel of the Dead Three's Grand Design, Fallen Star bereft of Godly Grace, the "tiefling" referring to himself as Dirge has since been reduced to little more than mangled meat.
Wading through the red soaked fog of his mind, a hair's breadth from oblivion, Dirge awakens on the nautiloid with nothing more than a tadpole in his skull, and murder in his heart, a ruined wreck of a person bereft of memory, as even his name is lost. Only the persistent presence of a long forgotten Pact offers any comfort in such dire straits.
Dirge is a Great Old One Warlock pacted to the eldritch star Caiphon, a being driven by endless pursuits of hidden knowledge, for the eventual freedom from his bond to Bhaal, his Father and God. In return, Caiphon has housed a fragment of itself within his mind, its violet light scorching his left eye and imbuing it with eldritch light. From this eye can Caiphon choose to gaze out into the world, seeing, learning, and knowing all that Dirge acquires. Until such time as the Pact can be fulfilled, Dirge can draw upon whatever power of Caiphon's he can master. This served him well in his time as Bhaal's Chosen, as Dirge's most intimate desire, freedom, was shrouded by Caiphon's aberrant nature, and despite being bonded to the star, Dirge refused to acknowledge his own desires even to himself. With his former self slain and awakening bereft of memory, Dirge relies upon his Pact to survive the illithid tadpole buried in the meat of his skull
A Bhaalspawn by heritage, but a quasi deity himself in truth, Dirge is the result of Bhaal severing his left hand in death, and from the gore and viscera crafting a Titan, a spawn He intended to serve Him eternally and loyally. Crafted within the realm of Gehenna, within Bhaal's Throne of Blood, Dirge's body and form were designed with careful cruel intent, Bhaal's Blade in the mortal guise, meant to seamlessly integrate and mimic the world of men, a Wolf among sheep. But once loosed from His grasp, not even Bhaal could control entirely the way his spawn would develop. What Bhaal could not control, he could coerce, and through innate connection, ensured that Dirge was ever aware that all he was, he owed to his Father. He was not meant to live distinct. He was a mere shard of a greater will. And yet, despite Bhaal's efforts, Life finds a way. Humanity and desire was kindled, nurtured, within his artificial soul nonetheless.
Dirge is possessed of a steely will, honed keenly from years of Resisting his Father's maddening Urge, to ensure His Will was enacted carefully, cleanly, and without flaw. The Promise of Murder boiled and writhed within his blood, carefully vented in controlled bursts, for if it consumed him, the Urge would leave Dirge naught but a feral ravening beast. And what glory would that bring to his father then? Dirge was made with purpose, glorious divine purpose, and he must restrain his instincts to ensure his destiny was seen through to the end. The Deaths of all things. The Murder of the world. When his mind is ruined by Orin's blade, when he cobbles together a new self from the ashes and gore, his will remains, powerful and potent, still bent to the task of Resisting the Urge's call upon his nature. Its this will, focused into a weapon through the lens of Caiphon's aberrant psionics, that brought low the Absolute to be crowned, and which poses the best chance of shattering it once more.
A creature of violence incarnate, drawn to blood and slaughter, beckoned by promises of power, one could be forgiven in assuming Dirge to be a cold, callous man. Instead, years of repression and ascetism hides a heart deeply moved by passion. Dirge is a true romantic, a wholehearted believer in Love, at first sight and every glance after. He yearns for hands both tender yet firm, to press between the threat of his teeth and know they will not bite, to take his violence in hand and leash it, restrain it. That he fell head over heels for Minthara should not be surprising in the least.
Dirge's first moments of existence came part and parcel with the tadpole, and the deeply peculair nature of their circumstances inextricably tied their lives together. Surviving by the strength of the Astral tadpole past the death of the Absolute, when the illithid tadpole recovers enough from its injuries, it realizes it has formed an identity for itself, distinct from the mind flayer hive mind. It names itself Melpomene, the muse of tragedy, daughter of Mmenosyne, because it's life has consisted of nothing but hardship out of its control. Its only ally in this world is its host, Dirge.
In summary, Dirge is a Neutral Evil Resist!Durge, a Mintharamancer 💜, who is haunted by the echoes of his past like a specter chained to his ankles. An accomplished Warlock, well acquainted with psionic might, the powers strengthened by the tadpole came easily and naturally, and he indulges often, but resists the instinct to ceremorph. Orin's injury permanently disabled him, inflicting him with chronic migraines, and while the tadpole mitigated the worst of his TBI symptoms, he has to recover after the Absolute's defeat. After the events of BG3, with extensive support from Minthara, Dirge finally realizes a truth he's repressed for most of his life, pre and post lobotomy; he's bigender, and had been surpressing his desire to live as also a woman for years.
So life is more or less determined to make me perma broke lmao so i'll just cut to the chase to give yall the main points 🫶
Basically: I'm legally homeless (but stably housed; basically no legal address for mail) with only my mothers disability benefits as stable income. Jobs are unreliable for our household and only sporadically help us out, so I pretty consistently need a little extra money for basic essentials like groceries and food for our 5 cats 🫶
Every cent counts, and even tho I would love to pay people back, life has yet to give me the financial stability to do so 😭 If you've got a little extra to spare, heres where you can toss it 💜
P*ypal // C*shapp // V*nmo
(censored so this post stays visible lmao)
With that out of the way, i'm also a writer! im not a FINISHER so its 90% wips, but if you'd like to see me write about THIS 👇 sonofabitch, visit my blog @wipsoftermina !! All the tags used on this blog are under the readmore if you wanna see my dumbass posts better 💜
My Tags! This is still a wip so ill eventually edit in links to intro posts lmao
Dirge:
dirgecore
for any random tumblr post that has Dirge Vibes. to Me
dirgeposting
for actual Dirge content, where I post his info and analysis and general bullshit musing lmao. 90% of Dirge Content is here
dirgeart
see him face :3 drawn by cool ppl!!
dirge askgames
so as dirge is my go to for askgames, he had a TON of them and it was clogging the dirgeposting tag. so now he has this! yayyy
dirgetharaposting
for dirge and minthara posts, both original posts and also reblogs that have their vibe
doomed siblings
predominantly for dirge and orins connection to each other and how they were set up from birth to inevitably come in conflict with each other, regardless of how they felt. doomed from the start, ive also started using it for my Gorion's Ward and Dirges elder bhaalspawn sibling, Lyre!
true soul!dirge au
an au for Dirge where he doesn't get rescued from the nautiloid and protected by the emperor, and survives to the beach only to get immediately enthralled by the Absolute, becoming an amnesiac True Soul under Her command.
i have more Dirge AUs but this is what has tagged content lmao
Other OCs and Tags
phyrneiposting
Phyrnei is my Drow Noble Divine Sorcerer/Hexblade Warlock for a Hiatused Out of the Abyss dnd campaign! As Phyrnei's arc is transitioning from being a Lolthite to a syncretic Vhaeraunite+Eilistraen, i use her tag for any important drow lore+dark seldarine content thats relevant to how i want to characterize her
monhun posting
I play MH Wilds! I have a switchaxe main hunter I post on occasion!! she gets tagged with this :3
As a present for reading this. heres my five kitties MWAH ily 💜
top left is Tira, top right is Misu (named cuz they were twins, tho Tira has since become a chubby lil princess), middle is Domino, bottom left is Biscuit, bottom right is Loki!
Tira, Misu, and Domino are all siblings from the same litter, Loki is my childhood cat whos my moms, and Biscuit is a recent rescue from a colony of outdoor ferals and is now happily a perma indoor kitty enjoying vaccinations and wet food 💜💜💜
i dont think dirge and minthara get "married" they dont seem the type to me. i think whatever they have is much more private, intimate, of a vastly smaller scale. as proud and bold as minthara can be, she keeps her love life very quiet except as an indulgence to her partner
i think they might keep the wedding rings you pick up in the shadowcursed lands tho, if only so dirge can be her shield even if he isnt beside her. hes a huge romantic so he probably wears it like a wedding ring too (i think minthara would keep hers discreet)
oughh... minthara sweating and keeping herself up at night going thru every possible meaning she can think of to find a good name to suggest, it has to he PERFECT, knowin damn well hed happily take whatever she gave him 😭
dirge is a cannibal the way an obligate carnivore will eat human flesh. the way a tiger will attack and eat a passing traveller through its territory, if its hungry enough. the way you have to put down a wolf once its gotten a taste for human blood
he was hungry, and people are made of meat. made of sinews and marrow and blood and heat, and a fresh kill steams enticingly in the cold winter air. who goes grocery shopping for a temple dedicated to slaughter and death? the strong hunt the weak, and we don't cater to free loaders here. a small moment of kindness, whispering something like a secret. ill show you something your brothers wouldnt have told you about. you were born with teeth for a reason, little idol
when it wasnt survival, it was desecration. bodies as objects, tools, toys. broken corpses made mockery of. nothing to bury, nothing to grieve, loved ones torn apart by human hands but savaged like an animal. teeth marks on limbs, organs half swallowed. an intensification of pain, just for the sake of suffering. hatred and misery unending
now? now it is a form of worship. a new god at the altar, prayers in the night betwixt twisted limbs and pleased sighs. dragging a tongue against the writhing form of an intestine, a homecooked meal where you can feel the love in every bite. hot iron and salt, ichorous bile never tasted so sweet. there is no part of you i would look away from, no hidden pleasure i wouldn't kiss. i'll happily adore every part you let me see, and every part you hide from me. the thin barrier of skin keeping your vital secrets away from prying eyes, but i wouldn't dare carve you open, not until you get the wound started for me. this layer of seperation between us, sheets and shirts and underwear and flesh, let me unzip it bit by bit until we are wound up inside each other, no meaningful distinction where you end and i begin. surrounding me like an embrace, like a memory, pulsing bleeding alive, warm and tender and vulnerable, love and devotion and worship. let me pray here, let me rest here, let me take my daily bread here, let me worship the thin membrane of your stomach lining and the pulsing mechanisms of your liver. let me taste you, every inch, i promise you won't find me wanting. you're feeding a different kind of hunger here.
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in the scenario where Dirge successfully resurrects Orin, how would that pan out? how would that be for Orin? Minthara? his friends?
OUGHGGHHGH THE WAY I THINK ABOUT THIS CONSTANTLY
so orin getting rezzed is something dirge takes YEARS to actually settle on because he goes back and forth on it so much. the biggest point of contention for him is mintharas potential reaction. orin tortured and traumatized her, and then kidnapped her to bait dirge into the temple since he was avoiding confronting her like the plague. minthara has the most tied up in this, and dirge doesnt even bring it up for YEARS cuz of this. this is actually so long im throwing up a readmore
ironically this gives minthara plenty of time to sort her feelings out. after orin kidnaps her and then dies gruesomely, minthara has dialogue recognizing herself in orin and what orin is put through. by the time dirge actually opens his mouth about orin, years after the giant brain gets her ass kicked, mintharas had a lot of time to parse things. firstly, by that point shes well settled into her life in baldurs gate. she has a manor home and a retinue of servants much like her life back in menzo, she lives a life of politicking and scheming in comfort with a devoted partner who safeguards her from assassins whom she can trust absolutely, and shes doing what shes good at with someone she loves. its a very secure stable environment for her, and as someone whos demonstrated multiple times over a penchant for self awareness and introspection, the timeframe there really lets her contextualize her experiences with orin and the cult, and orins own actions within the cult of bhaal. while initially deeply hurt and upset by dirges choice to sacrifice himself, time has given clarity to the situation, and she has a better understanding of it as the act of selfless love it was in truth: better to die and let minthara live free than to live and make her a slave to another callous god through him.
which is all to say that, unsurprisingly, minthara achieves a better understanding of dirges reasons than dirge himself, who in typical fashion has been unsuccessfully trying to occupy himself so he doesnt have to spend too much time with the thought. minthara doesnt like orin, and never will, but orin was a pawn of bhaal who devoted everything to him and was unceremoniously discarded. the precariousness of her position, vying for the love of a god who had no intention of giving it to her, produced the only results it could: a desperate, lonely woman who rejected anything that could come between her and her faith, who craved nothing more than the validation that her efforts meant something to the one figure she did everything for. And for this, Orin was stripped of personhood the exact moment she had the slightest inkling of the futility of it all. Orin is a tragedy, one that Minthara has seen again and again, and was only spared that same fate by a long chain of circumstance.
On top of it all, Orin is Dirges sister. The fight to defeat the Absolute unquestionably cost Dirge the most out of everyone. He lost his mind, his body, his personhood was ever under threat of being subsumed twice over (if not the tadpole, then Bhaal), and to best their shared foe Dirge sacrificed his health, his sanity, and then his entire past, and when yet more was asked for he sacrificed his life, permanently, to secure not just a victory but a future, with only the grace of Withers sparing him. With Orin and Gortash dead by his own hand, Dirge has nothing and no one to refer back to for even the barest sliver of help understanding himself. His past is obliterated, his connection to Bhaal severed (who himself deigned only to remind Dirge of his servitude), and there is no one and nothing to give him any hints or guides on understanding himself in the grand context of history. There is no one to tell him the person he used to be, the things he said or did, the way others saw him, how he grew up, amongst whom, where, how he came to be as a grown man and what kind of man he was. Dirge sacrificed those things for a greater cause, and even many years out it gnaws at him still in a way that isnt easily remedied. Orin is a tangible connection to that lost past in a way no one else really is. Its just her
And also, Dirge himself is in the habit of a warlock. He keeps a note of connections, what has to be paid and what is owed. Regardless of intent, Orin freed him from Bhaal, and gave him a second chance at life, a chance he neither asked for nor deserved. Its a gift that gave him the love of his life, freedom, friends, and its one he never paid back, and he rewarded Orin with death. The scales are notably tipped and Minthara is well aware hes uncomfortable with things so ajar.
All this to say, surprisingly, shockingly, shes okay. She understands. Her own feelings on Orin are.... complex, and nuanced, and unpleasant, but Dirge makes a point of saying he doesnt intend to interfere between them. Bhaal stripped Minthara of her chance at catharsis too, and that business is between his sister and her. He wouldnt take that from her a second time. When Dirge does eventually stammer out hes been thinking about Orins fate, Minthara manages to shut him up completely by having a better grasp of things than he does (since its just been a persistent dissatisfaction impossible to shake ever since her death, and looking too closely at the feeling means uh oh! we have to acknowledge we are not in fact #coping! oops.) and reassuring him. Minthara is ever encouraging Dirge to take control of his life and climb ever upwards, and to that end she ALSO wants Dirge to have a fuller context of what his past is and who he is. God if anyone needs a journey of self discovery its this blue loser.
As for the Tadpole Gang. Well. No one LIKES the idea, unleashing an unhinged unrepentant bhaalspawn changeling back on the world. But the thing is. Dirge really REALLY sucked as a bhaalist, and got a second chance. Everyone has an inkling of how shit he was. And he got a do-over, and objectively improved as a person outside the living hell of Bhaals temple. And on that point, he kiiiinda. Ya know. Personally took responsibility for overwhelmingly improving all of their lives. She IS his sister. Notably the only family member he grew up alongside (his three brothers were all much older than him and didnt really interact until his adult years, except for Zherimon who enabled the abuse and is sure as shit not going to confess to that and nobody wants to talk to him anyways). And by the point its being brought up, two OTHER situations got handled by him (Shadowhearts werewolf lineage finally manifesting, and then Dirge helping to cure Karlachs heart condition). So. Like. Does literally anyone have a leg to stand on here? Not really. Ulders alive, Cazadors dead, Shadowhearts living with her parents, Gales settling in as a college professor, Lae'zel is fighting for the prince of the comet free of Vlaakiths lies, and Karlach is rebuilding her life, and all of that is because of one (1) Neutral Evil serial killer deeply deeply invested in their wellbeing to the point of sacrifice
Dirge has LITERALLY never asked for ANYTHING from ANYONE. And it isnt some spur of the moment impulsive wish either. Hes sitting on a lot of good reasons for this. What are they gonna say? Dont repay your life debt to the sister you were forced to murder, and potentially get the only source for your childhood back, because I personally think shes yucky when you are ALSO not a great person, but YOURE fine? No absolutely no one is going to say this. Everyone makes a tight face but is too guilty to say shit to him. Yeah okay man after cleaning up literally my entire life ill help you rez your murderous sister and then we can just. Deal with that. Man.
i was talking to @arach-tinilith on discord and ended up having a LOT of jaheira thoughts on this so those are going in here too. minscs opinion is that like. Orin is evil and deserves justice, esp cuz the temple situation was profoundly unsatisfying for literally everyone. No one got what they wanted out of that. no justice was served, no catharsis was achieved, no revenge enacted. Just pointless, senseless tragedy. Minsc imo would not be down for it but i think could maybe be swayed, since he ALSO believes p strongly in redemption, but moreso by the idea that rezzing Orin would allow her to be confronted. Thats def Boo's angle at least. Jaheira on the other hand is a complication understander. She has a VERY good grasp on who Dirge is as a person, and she knows very well that hes. Well. Shit. But hes a shit person with priorities, and love, and Jaheira can work with that. More than anyone, Jaheira has the best understanding of what "Temple Of Bhaal Cult Leader" ACTUALLY entailed and what that means for who Dirge used to be, and the leaps and bounds hes improved from that. He isnt perfect, but hes better, and Jaheira respects that.
This also means that Jaheira understands that Dirge flat out didnt deserve this second life. That by ALL rights he should've died and been left to rot, and that would be justice, and rightous. But in an act of cosmic irony, or perhaps cruelty, Dirge is the one who got to get back up, instead of any of his victims. Because of Orin, a vast amount of good was done in the world, directly counteracting the obscene evils conducted in that temple, and a great foe was laid to waste. Orins assassination attempt kickstarted the saving of the world. Even if nobody else feels like thats something that needs to be paid back, Dirge does, and Jaheira understands exactly why that is. Shes also very pragmatic. The argument for "deserving" is out the window here. Orin doesnt deserve it, but Dirge didnt either, and we can see the results of it happening anyway. Shes cynical, theres a high chance this will go tits up and blow up in everyones face, but despite herself shes also an idealist. Shes seen the impossible things a bhaalspawn can do, Gorion's Ward dragged Sarevok back to life and sacrificed part of their soul, and in so doing set the foundations for Sarevok to completely turn his life around, even if that progress was destroyed in his fall back to the temple. If Orin IS capable of changing, of living, maybe not good but better, than the only person who would be able to do that for her is Dirge. I think she'd understand his reasons for it, and I don't think she'd try to stop him or begrudge him for it. If he does this, whatever happens is on him, and to an extent on her for allowing him, and I think she's okay with taking responsibility for Dirge. If Orin comes back and her actions force her hand, Jaheira won't restrain herself for Dirge's sake, but Dirge isn't asking that of anyone anyways. Just the chance to try.
So generally, no one likes it, but no one stops him. No one helps him either, but thats fine. This is a personal mission, for his own sake. He's fine doing this solo.
Which leaves the actual rezzing itself and how THAT pans out.
So as a bhaalspawn, Orin's soul upon death is immediately drawn into the Throne of Blood, which shifts locations a LOT between appearances but I personally keep it parked in Gehenna, the plane of Neutral Evil. Partly because that makes sense to me for Bhaal's domain, and also because I'm just emotionally attached to the idea. So Dirge needs to: go to Gehenna, find the Throne of Blood, find Orin in the ToB, NOT get got by Bhaal, convince Orin to return to life (cant rez someone unwilling!), and then Get Out Successfully. EZPZ.
I dont have the nitty gritty worked out because I eventually plan on sitting down with this and fleshing it out but I do have some general plot beats.
Dirge opens a Gehenna Gate through a combination of diabolist portal magic and his own plane touched blood as a guideline, and safely traverses into it. Getting into the Lower Planes isnt as difficult as getting out, and Gehenna specifically is actually Dirge's plane of origin. He was created there and even bereft of his connection to Bhaal, he remains a creature of godly, Aligned flesh. (theres a potential discussion over whether or not its even possible for Dirge to shift alignments, but thats for another time), and this connection forms an easily traversed tether back Home.
The real fun is actually IN Gehenna. The getting to the Throne of Blood im actually iffy on, but i DO know that being in the Source of his divine spark actually gets his Main Character bullshit back up and running. In the intervening time between his resurrection and now, Dirge had more or less been living as an especially durable mortal adventurer, but he isnt. Dirge is a godspawn, a Titan, and Bhaal has kept knowledge of how to utilize his heritage FROM Dirge so that Bhaal could reap the benefits of his spawns power without any threat of insubordination. The reason why makes itself abundantly clear deeper in Gehenna, seperate from Bhaal's usual control issues and paranoia. Being back on home turf means the furnace that makes up Dirges soul (a mechanism of processing Faith and Divine Essence (cannibalized from other Godspawn, usually Bhaalspawn) into power) gets a kick strong enough to start up properly. As a Bhaalist, the faith Dirge received from the acolytes and initiates was funneled directly into Bhaal through him, using Dirge's innate connection. Through this means, Bhaal could safely juice Dirge up as much as necessary through "gifts", and it didnt matter if the congregation was technically engaging in idol worship of Dirge instead of Bhaal; by treating Dirge as functionally an extension of the god himself, and with no way of processing the faith he received into personal power, it just all funnelled back into Bhaal anyways. With Bhaal's connection severed, Dirge's innate divine aspect fires up as it should without interference, and Dirge gets to actually utilize his innate abilities as both a Godspawn and a Titan.
My personal thoughts is that, when Bhaal's essence is used to create a spawn, they inherit a personal aspect of his domain of Murder thats unique and personal to them. Bhaalspawn have souls distinct from Bhaal, are their own individual people, and thus arent recreating Bhaal's domain 1 to 1. These arent as broad and vague as murder, and are usually smaller conceptually-connected aspects. Dirges particular aspect of murder is Blood, and Bloodshed, and the plane of Gehenna jumpstarts that whole machine again. Everyone say yayyy for special snowflake powers yayyyy (with autistic focus on explaining the minutae of them, which is ALSO a different post).
Actually being IN Gehenna, the second order of business is finding the Throne of Blood. Being so FR i have handwaved this shit. Theres a nonzero chance Bane's Fortress is blocking it as a three fold gate into the Kingdom of Death (Banes domain leading into Bhaal's which leads into Myrkul's who tries to catch you before you go to Kelemvor) which potentially means a Gortash reunion but im not decided. Handwaving all this.
The real meat of the matter is the metric fuckton of revelations actually IN the Throne of Blood. There is so. fucking. much. in this place for Dirge.
Firstly: the reason Bhaal didnt let Dirge use his bullshit titan heritage. Gorion's Ward is here! Cuz Dirge got them killed 🫶 Whoops. While I havent gotten to play BG1+2, I HAVE pinned down some core GW traits they have, like being canonically NB and physically taking after Bhaal's human form but having strong personality resemblance to the 4 gore spawned bhaalspawn Bhaal made in Dirge's variation of events (with GW and Dirge having the most overlap). GW is also solidly Chaotic Good but in a very Good Is Not Nice kind of way with an emphasis on Chaos. A true force of nature, whatever GW decided on was just going to happen regardless of whether or not it should be possible. The ToB also likes GW, arguably more than Bhaal, and responds to their will and desires readily, and GW has set up a small sanctuary for themselves and Imoen in the plane. GW was a goddamn menace for Bhaal, and despite being "only" a demigod, easily outstrips all the other spawn in power, and had to be killed through cheating in MiBG. GW shares Dirges strong familial inclinations and is overjoyed to meet him, unaware they had more relatives that didnt die over the course of BG1+2. Theyre also slightly miffed Dirge is taller than them. Little brothers seem to get all the height 🙄 (is 6 fucking 2)
GW quickly puts together SEVERAL things, that being: Dirge was a bhaalist, Dirge got them killed to secure Bhaal's resurrection, Dirge doesn't remember this, and also that something must have happened to Sarevok in the intervening years since they lost contact with each other (not unusual: GW is a druid/monk multiclass and shares Dirges hatred of Baldurs Gate, except GW considers the city their shithole, and no one else is allowed to ruin it; theyre not big on publicity or being contacted and had a habit of ducking out of the limelight and going off grid as often as possible). Logically whatever happened to Sarevok (who was freed from Bhaal's influence by the sacrifice of a part of GW's soul and eventually converted to Chaotic Good) happened before GWs death, as they've been miserably watching the influx of souls into the Throne of Blood ever since to reconnect with family and provide aid. Sarevok hasn't entered, which means whatever happened to him occurred before GWs vigil, which is. Upsetting. This information is a complete shock to Dirge, who has only known Sarevok as the abusive pitiful relic presiding over the tribunal, and the idea that someone as BLATANTLY good as GW having fondness for such a person is. Confusing.
Another major kick is that anyone Dirge slew on Bhaal's altar in dedication to Him circumvented the process of judgement and the condemned soul was fed directly to the Throne of Blood (this is implied by Withers if you sacrifice a companion after not killing Isobel in act 2, and this further implies that this is why Withers intervened to keep Alfiras soul away from The Dark Urge. There was apparently enough time (and leeway) to spirit her away, but the direct sacrifice of a companion to appease Bhaal doesnt really uh. have. that.) which means literally every single person killed by the Urge is here. By this point, most of them have been digested by Gehenna itself (which breaks down souls into grublike beings full of raw soul material (quintessence) which is a valuable resource in the lower planes) but a few have been able to resist the slow insistent grind of the plane. Most notably. Dirges parents :)
As the first kills of the Urge, the two of them were slain p explicitly in Bhaal's name by a child Dirge, and have persisted in the Throne of Blood ever since, maintaining a small recreation of their home (now ruined), in the hopes of eventually seeing their little boy again. They quickly figured out the kind of life that awaited Dirge in the temple, and when that life eventually killed him, they wanted to provide reassurance and love after a long miserable life in the service to a cruel, callous Father.
This is where like. The structure of things breaks down pretty bad and im less certain of the order of things. I know Dirge starts to tap into his divine abilities, I know he meets GW and has an awkward but positive time with his older (cooler) sibling, i know Dirge eventually learns that (in Dirges canon of things) Bhaal wanted to thoroughly ruin and despoil everything GW had achieved and got Sarevok killed so he could claim his soul and force more of his essence into him to overwrite Sarevok's will with his own, splitting his soul and reviving the man as a loyal husk, the current state of Sarevok as found in BG3 (which is its own thing ill expand on in more detail. later), finds his parents in the ToB and experiences All That, and that his parent's home is ALSO where Orin has been this entire time. Orin is unwilling to meet with Bhaal here in the ToB because the circumstances of her death were deeply upsetting and confusing for her. In much the same way Dirge has been avoiding confronting his grief and desire to return Orin's unintentional gift, Orin has been avoiding confronting the reality that her life thus far had been, in the grand scheme of things, utterly devoid of the meaning she had given it. This house was one of the only shelters from the storm, so to speak, and unassuming enough to not draw Bhaal's eye, so shes been hiding from him here.
The confrontation with Orin is closer to actual WRITING writing rather than just a characterization exploration, with an ebb and flow to the argument that conveys Orins turmoil, and thus I actually havent gotten around to ironing it out, but I have my guideposts. Orin doesnt want anything from Dirge, because she doesnt want to rely on him, because she feels like she spends enough time in his shadow already. Ironically, out of everyone Dirge cares about, the one MOST opposed to resurrecting Orin is Orin herself. She doesnt want Dirge to pay her back, she doesnt to be around him, and she doesnt want him to do anything for her, all because at her core she wants those exact things almost more than anything. Her grandfather has betrayed her utterly, Bhaal has never seen her as anything more than a lamb to slaughter, and the only person who has actually seen and cared for her is her brother, who she killed. By accident. Its painful truths on top of painful truths, and Orin doesnt want to confront any of it because that would mean turning her entire understanding of herself upside down and confronting the real feelings from her attack on Dirge that shes been repressing so long she forgot them in favor of the self serving lie she told in its place: that she hated him for his arrogance and presumptousness, that she always planned on ousting him, that she always wanted to kill him. But her brother was her only real friend, and the distance that grew between them when he was named Chosen wounded her deeply, and shes regretted hurting him ever since, and now theres a stranger with his face who wants to help her and its all her fault. Everything about her situation is her own fault, and she cant stand it, and she doesnt want to confront it, so she just routinely lashes out at Dirge instead.
Because this is an argument and not just events, I havent actually figured out the HOW for its resolution, just the pieces for assembling it. Those being that, pointedly "deserves" is off the table so Orin doesnt have to earn the chance Dirge is offering, that Dirge is doing this out of the love he still feels for his sister, that Dirge, BECAUSE of those feelings, wants to know her and know what their childhood was like together, that Orin does genuinely miss her brother and wishes she could go back to the days they spent training together, and that despite everything she says, Orin wants to be wanted. For herself, not for what she can do. Dirge doesnt remember her well enough to have any expectations, just the feelings hes been left with, and he genuinely believes she should have the chance to live free of their Father, and is willing to give her a chunk of his soul to make it happen.
All of that is much more important than the nitty gritty of getting in and getting out and while im sure theres some more character beats to be mined, im more concerned with hitting the major ones first. Whats important is that i DO think that Dirge IS capable of getting through to Orin, ONLY in the wake of her death being caused by Bhaal as a result of Dirge revealing the truth of her parentage. Its a level of consideration not even pre lobotomy Dirge had shown her, knowing the truth but concealing it in an attempt to protect her. In the short amount of interactions theyve had, Dirge HAS been consistent in trying to value Orin's autonomy, and I think that plus the connection and freedom he represents is enough to win her over.
Hand waving they get out and rez Orin. Dirge is a necromancer and literally makes flesh homunculi its fine.
Post Orin rezzing is... fun! Firstly is Minthara, who WANTS to fight Orin for her revenge and catharsis but... cant. Or rather. No longer wants to. In an endlessly frustrating realization, Minthara has introspected and self actualized enough that the vast majority of her rage and anger is pointed above Orin. Yes, she could fight her. She could even kill her. But what would that accomplish? What would it do? She would, what, kill another manipulated desperate woman who was compelled by fruitless faith to acts of horror, when she herself was that same woman? When she killed and tortured, first in Lolth's name, then in the Absolute's? Why did any of it happen? Why was Minthara tortured and traumatized? The same reason anything in her life happened. A God valued her less than dirt and demanded her worth be proven, through usefullness or suffering, and then she was thrown away when she could no longer serve or entertain. Its just the same shit. She hates Orin, but she hates the God that made Orin, the God that made her, more. What would vengeance give her here? It wouldn't matter a single whit to the master behind the screen pulling puppet strings. It be. Gods. It wouldnt even be satisfying. It wouldnt give Minthara anything.
Deeply, overwhelmingly aggravated by this revelation, understood initially only logically but now felt deep in her core, Minthara does not, in fact, confront Orin. Neither does she forgive Orin, but she understands her, and Dirge by extension, just a bit more. Dirge and Orin have a lot to unpack with each other, and much as Minthara loves Dirge, she has no desire to be partial to that conversation. Orin and Dirge don't really achieve closure, per se, and that front is still unsatisfying, but in a way thats more. Final. The brother Orin knew is gone, but the one she still has isn't. Bad. It might even be nice to get to know him, but the point is that its a new relationship. Dirge is... fine with this. That person wasn't him, anyways, but he can still hear about him in the way a family member can reminisce about someone they wish you got to know. Orin doesnt make any grand plans beyond figuring out what to do with her life, and she cannot stand to do it here in Baldur's Gate, surrounded by memories of her past and the people shes lost.
More handwaving but the gist is that Orin leaves Baldurs Gate but remains in sparse contact with Dirge and starts rebuilding her life in a different city, where she eventually falls into the worship of Loviatar, where she excels (and subsequently starts up her habit of mocking her brother for weaker faith again, this time with less consequences on the line), and also notably is NOT causing intervention-necessitating trouble. Its a strained, awkward relationship, because the two siblings have entirely different social circles who are opposed to crossing over, but theres an earnestness there thats still detectable. Extremely important to me to mention, but Orin is SIGNIFICANTLY better at setting up her life than Dirge is, like she is ON THAT SHIT. Despite being sheltered, Orin is much more competent and independent than shes given credit for, and outside the Temple that rly gets a chance to shine. Comparatively Dirge is still majorly floundering and I know in my soul she bullies him for it and then tapers off because its concerning enough to stop being fun.
Doesnt change that shes the better Loviatan, Dirge 😤
i finally did it. character relevant sex lore for the party bicycle YAHOO
this post fucking fought me every step of the way. thats what i get for writing character analysis while violently ill and dosed to the moon on meds. enjoy in detail content on how bhaals favorite gore baby straight out of pottery barn fucks his way through the sword coast
content warnings for below the cut for sexual content and references to past sexual abuse 👇
so dirges relationship with sex is kind of... intense? ironically its at its simplest in his bhaalist years but that baggage gets carried over into experiences post tadpoling
bhaalist!dirge did... NOT have a good relationship with sex. the act itself was to be done for procreation, to seed the world with spawn to help fulfill Bhaal's goals, and to that end Dirge was coerced via duty into having sex with volunteering priestesses to try and conceive. Those efforts never bore fruit, and Dirge unconsciously tried to avoid that particular duty whenever possible, and it contributed greatly to his compulsive need to prove himself fit and worthy as Bhaal's vessel to avoid having to conceive an heir. the pleasure was embodied in the ecstasy of murder, a sensation somewhere between a full body orgasm and an addictive drug high, an instictive kill response triggered by Bhaal's blessing, and a sign that Dirge was the favored child. the desire for sex, for intimacy with another living person, was a sin, a sign of weakness. if you wanted the feeling, all you had to do was kill, and kill well. if you didnt want to kill, then it must be because you desired to spread your seed and incubate another heir to the throne of blood. what else could you possibly be looking for?
so dirge more or less avoided sexual encounters as a whole during his bhaalist years, up until meeting gortash, where gortash was an intimate human connection dirge WASNT going to kill (for the sake of bhaals schemes), and furthermore gortash was a connection that encouraged dirge to view himself as a person with desires outside of bhaal. things snowballed, and dirge fell into a cycle of sleeping with gortash that looked something like this
-be overwhelmed by the crushing weight of being a living religious idol
-feel soul destroying amounts of guilt for not living up to the standards set for you by yourself and everyone you interpret as a voice of authority on the matter
-refuse to go home because you hate yourself and your procrastinating on the inevitable routine of self flagellation and overwork until you feel youve earned the right to exist again
-end up at gortashs because you dont know where else to go
-seriously consider killing gortash and freeing yourself of this final piece of connection tying you to the material plane and potentially keeping you from killing the world. avoid killing gortash for exactly that reason
-let yourself be talked into making use of your time here by working on your schemes and projects together. be completely unable to focus and emotionally distraught
-be convinced into letting gortash relieve your stress. let things get carried away and take your clothes off. finally indulge your desire to be close to another person. >not your fault >banite talked you into it >youll kill him about it later
-you dont want to be responsible for your own desires or actions but you want to be guided by someone who knows how to make this work, so now that youve already shot yourself in the foot, might as well deepthroat the barrel. go completely submissive in bed and give gortash the thrill of a lifetime being the dom for a murderbeast that only tames itself for him
-have a genuinely really nice enjoyable time having sex
-wake up at the crack of dawn before gortash wakes up, feel completely disgusted and ashamed with yourself for succumbing to the weak desire for social connection, use his bathroom to clean yourself up, leave through his window without saying anything.
-promise yourself your never going to do this again, find someone to kill on the way out, crawl back home in disgrace to get started on that routine of self flagellation (literally)
-rinse and repeat.
and that cycle more or less stayed stable entirely up until dirges lobotomy. but dirge got to carry alllllll that unexamined guilt and trauma with him into his second go around
Post tadpoling, Dirge doesn't retain the old religious values that punished him for connection seeking, though he DOES retain the effects it left him with. Topping triggers traumatic memories of feeling coerced into trying to conceive at the temple (though he only recalls the intense discomfort, bereft of context or reason), and the years of religious guilt means hes so consciously present in his body that he struggles to finish. He also just takes a long time to climax overall. The discomfort doesnt start fading until a good bit into his relationship with Minthara. Generally this means his preference is to just treat his body as a tool his partner can use to make themselves feel nice, and Dirge derives a LOT of pleasure from watching his partner climax because of him. Its usually enough to satisfy him even if he doesnt cum, just as long as his lover does. This was one of the main sticking points in his relationship with Astarion, and one of the reasons Astarion eventually transitioned their relationship away from sex.
Dirge post tadpoling doesnt project any particular meaning onto sex and mostly sees it as a way to enjoy yourself physically, and is very open to casual and platonic sex. He sleeps with Astarion off and on throughout act 1 very casually when giving Astarion blood, he sleeps with Gale to reaffirm to Gale that he IS desirable and attractive, Dirge just cant reciprocate the exact kind of relationship Gale wants, and Dirge sleeps with Karlach after her engines fixed cuz he told her hed stay open to the idea and shes been pent up for a decade. Its something thats enjoyable to do, and Dirge takes to the role of attentive seducer quite well, lavishing affection on a partner over and over and over again, so he doesnt see a reason to abstain from it when its so fun, and it can do nice things for the people hes sleeping with. dirge very much is the kind of guy you can fuck without changing literally anything about your relationship to him, and he makes that clear before you blow his back out.
while dirge CAN be dominant in bed, he enjoys himself the most when hes being submissive. the dom/sub dynamic has more of an influence on how "into it" he gets than any other particular kink, because for dirge the relationship of power, potential for violence, and the physicality of his body are all intrinsically linked together. dirge is a killing machine that receives pleasure from inflicting death, and finds peace in receiving pain, and he is constantly aware of those facts. if someone isnt making him submit, hes doing the work of taming himself for them, and thats going to contribute to his difficulty losing himself in the experience. its easier and more enjoyable for him to pleasure a partner unwilling or unable to dominate him, because he can divert most of his attention off of himself onto intuiting the noises and motions of their body to pull the strongest reactions out of them.
when it comes to actual sex acts, dirge is a MASSIVE fan of oral. dirge typically seeks to satisfy multiple of his senses at the same time, and burying himself between his partners thighs ticks multiple checkboxes for him. its a reliable way of pleasuring a partner that rewards attention to body language and patience, it brings him close to multiple erogenous zones on his partners body (inner thighs, lower stomach, behind the knees, all within easy reach of his hands or easily manipulatable to bite, kiss, or otherwise mark), it satisfies multiple senses at once (nuzzling against his partners thigh, indulging the taste of them on his tongue, savoring the intensity of their scent so close to their heat, being able to look up and make eye contact), its something he can happily do for hours at a time until his partner wants him to stop, and above all its something one sided he can give to his partner without having to receive anything. dirge is free to take pleasure in the act itself and what it does to his lover without worrying about his bodys own reactions to things his lover might want to do to him, and in a d/s context its a blatant act of fulfilling devotion and worship that is its own reward. dirge is a very worshipful submissive, combining aspects of pet play with religious kink, needing a dominant to domesticate and take charge of him, before he rewards their efforts with service, devotion, and worship as thanks for going through the efforts of taming his more unruly urges. to that end, once minthara and him agree on their romance, she collars him as part of their initial courtship so that she has a means of restraining him on hand at all times.
dirges understanding of interpersonal power, autonomy, and self control are all tied up with his desires in social relationships and intimate connections, so because hes a bhaalspawn, because hes specifically an instinctive killer, the concept of indulgence itself carries inherent risk, and furthermore it carries the burden that he is not an infallible paragon of restraint. if dirge wants to be fully present in a relationship, he needs an external vehicle of control that isnt centered within his own capabilities of restraint, because otherwise he'll betray himself and act out against his own wishes and cause harm when he doesnt want to. dirge NEEDS someone to leash him so he can fully let go, but the responsibilities and risks of something like that are too much to reasonably expect out of most people. so far minthara and gortash have been the only ones willing to step up to be his self control kill switch
anything that plays into or around dirges power dynamics will typically be received well. bondage and restraints are enjoyable for him, alongside most forms of painplay. he has a huge thing for blood, and letting him draw it or drawing blood yourself and letting him catch the scent of it will sharply increase the intensity of the experience
generally dirge enjoys spoiling his lovers, dedicating the entire night to them with barely any focus on himself, lavishing affection on them, and using his own body to pleasure theirs, or letting his partner use his body themselves. intense scenes push dirge into subspace where his tendency to worship a lover gets emphasized, and he has a much easier time finishing like that and is prone to overstimulation. because he usually focuses so much on his lover, dirge tends to be quiet in bed, but gets increasingly vocal the deeper hes pushed into subspace
the only thing dirge possibly enjoys more than having sex with someone, is the aftercare afterwards. dirge gets incredibly soft and sweet after sex, and is a very big cuddler. aftercare is another oppurtunity to spoil his lover, to service and attend to them, and he enjoys the feeling of winding around them in the afterglow of it all. typically, the night has gone on long enough to thoroughly work through most of his visceral cravings for intense sensation, pain and blood, and with the Urge cowed through dominance and satisfied through intensity, whats left is shameless affection. hes very much an acts of service+physical contact love language kind of guy
it probably goes without saying but there isnt much that dirge wont experiment with, as long as it turns his partner on. hes also very openly a monster fucker, and the potential for dramatic violence holds deep erotic appeal for him. chimeric hybrids of monster and man scratch an itch meant to be soothed by the rejected slayer form for him, and his "hear me out" cake features bloodbornes ebrietas, daughter of the cosmos and the moon presence, and would almost certainly include several of MtG's phyrexians if i knew more about them. hed happily solve the lament configuration to fuck a cenobyte ala hellraiser, and he almost definitely found several of the necromorph transformations in dead space remastered viscerally satisfying
overall dirge is a submissive bottom who prefers being able to focus almost the entirety of his attention to servicing his lover, as his own pursuit of pleasure requires a lot of time investment and intensity that has to be increased either physically through stimulation or emotionally through domination, but finds plenty of satisfaction and enjoyment through his effects on his lover. the act of sex is very casual for dirge, with the d/s dynamic being more emotionally charged and the relationship standard for dirge. hes very open to polyamory, but wont seek out another dom if hes already leashed to one, but will happily share a partner so long as everyone is satisfied with the arrangement. he has a very high stamina, owing to his particular collection of cult traumas and bhaalspawn traits and how they more or less ensure he takes a while to satisfactorily finish, and he will gladly suck the strap like his life depends on it and eat out his lover like a starving man graced with his last meal. he adores all the attention aftercare provides, and it means that if anyone plans on actually making a night of sleeping with dirge thats more than a quick roll in the hay, it WILL be a multi hour affair so dirge can propely indulge in all the physical stimuli their body can offer. he is, also, super big on terms of endearment and if you dont give him something to call you, hes going to invent his own and itll probably be something morbidly sweet.
all in all, probably a rewarding lay for anyone who can make it past all the cult trauma spike traps and dark urge murder scares! or at least the post coital snuggles would be
So, using the general conceits of mecha/mechsploitation settings, ie a massive demand for highly specialized pilots for incredibly sophisticated, incredibly expensive, war machines whos complexity and intricacies demand an overwhelming amount of specialization, enough to make mech pilots a meaningfully distinct category of person whos skills are so hyperspecialized to this category of machinery that they cant really translate to other careers or skills, and the process of ACQUIRING these skills is hellishly intense owing to the physical and mental strain involved. but for all intents and purposes, a mech pilot will always be in demand, because a mech pilot is synonymous with an engine of death, which itself is desirable because the setting itself is bent towards the exploration of near endless conflict. as much as is pretended otherwise, there is Always Work For A Mech Pilot, and a mech pilot is always in demand, because the mech pilot represents the distilled perfection of military r&d.
costs have been optimized such that something that would normally be crewed by hundreds, if not thousands of people, can instead be piloted by a single person who is no longer capable of doing anything else. the costs and maintenance of entire armies, a consistent drain on expenses, can be offloaded onto one single purchase of a hyper advanced weapon and the single soldier who lives and dies as an extension of it. the obscene calculus of human lives and their monetary value brought to an inevitable conclusion, and the consumption of raw human material to fuel the eternal engines
Dirge, normally a bhaalspawn, is a near seamless extension of this concept. In much the same way there is always a force of Murder, there is always a demand for violence, and Bhaal fills the gap here as he does there. Dirge is, and remains, a hand crafted instrument of death, never meant to be a person. When the ends, a highly specialized instrument of destruction, justify the means, the deliberate artificial creation of a life that will never be allowed to be a person, Dirge emerges as the same end result hes always been. A knife meant for somebody elses hand, to be pointed at their targets, seek and destroy.
With this eternal demand for singularly capable arbiters of slaughter, rule of law only matters insofar as whos hand holds the sword, and whos throat its placed against. The difference in legality is arbitrary, what matters is what comes of it.
Its a lot of what Dirge has always been, pushed through a sci fi bent instead of a fantasy one. Artificially created, trained and conditioned and warped and modifed against his will, unpersoned both interpersonally but now legally, because a pilot is synonymous with their mech, metaphorically and as literally as possible. Dirge rarely gets autonomy, and here is no exception. Made in a lab, outside even the facade of government purview and oversight, designed for this sole purpose and function, body and mind broken and reshaped to achieve greater and greater levels of efficiency, optimization. Both a beauty and a horror to behold.
The premise, more explicitly, is thus that Dirge is a bioengineered mech pilot, designed and made by an off the books PMC (the metaphor for Bhaals temple here, an illegal organization whos focus is producing killers whos services go to the highest bidder for the sole purpose of sowing more death), who on multiple levels is legally unpersoned. Firstly because the PMC thats responsible for him was off the books and thus he is not registered as a living person by government paperwork or standards, and secondly because hes a mech pilot, whos creation, training, and maintenance costs (and thus the debt) are so exhorbitant, that, while TECHNICALLY being citizens, they are functionally (and colloquially understood) to be the financial, medical, and military property of their assigned handler. except dirge doesnt even have the facade of being a citizen, legally hes an unlicensed bioweapon grouped in the same category as experimental firearms. literally an unregistered fighting dog who has NOT had all his shots!!!!
i more or less set the starting point of things after Dirge has been sabotaged (ie Orin Betrayal) and is introduced recovering in the hospital, which is trying to figure out what to do with the recovering mech pilot who legally doesnt exist as validated by paperwork. In addition to this paradoxical nonexistence, hes also a hazard. Dirge's body has undergone a plethora of forced modifications to better make him compatible with a greater variety of mech hardware and software, but additionally has been modifed for out of cockpit combat as well, which was reflected in his training. Unhindered by ethical concerns like "autonomy" or "the right to free will", Dirge has also undergone many years of intense conditioning to improve his combat performance by optimizing his reaction times, and part of that means that Dirge is extremely uncomfortable even existing outside a mecha cockpit, and also heavily compelled towards violence (his Urge here being less a metaphysical taint on his psyche akin to possession, and more a deliberate alteration to his default mental state whos sole goal is to get our fancy living weapon to live for killing people). So while the hospital technicians are trying to repair the brain damage inflicted by sabotage done to his neural connectors (because of COURSE his brain has to get hooked up to the mech, obviously), he also has to he physically restrained and sedated because hes a biter and has already taken off fingers
So. The hospital is kind of at a loss. Dirge is seemingly unfit for duty, owing to inflicted damages. But his chances of civillian rehabilitation are extremely low. Even when hes no longer feral, he still demonstrates a volatile temperament and remains a potential hazard, owing to violent impulses, and to try and rehab him as a civie means going through the process of establishing him legally as a person, and even then he'll probably end up arressted for assault or murder within a year just judging from how he seems incapable of tolerating life outside the cockpit. His body is heavily modified for pilot life, most of them irreversible. His body has intake ports for life support, part of his brain is cyberized to improve connection speed between him and the mech software, he has a full spinal implant interwoven with his nervous system both to augment his durability and strength but it also functions as an additional plugin to provide another level of mech-body integration (his tail 🥰). Under the skin, his body is a mess thats only barely human because hes been engineered head to toe to exist optimally wired into a multiton death machine and seamlessly and fluidly move its hydraulics to kill as efficiently as possible. He probably can't go back to the cockpit, but what else can he do? Anything else is going to be incredibly tedious and expensive to set up, and then probably won't even work, but hes here in the hospital so we gotta do SOMETHIN with him.
Enter Minthara. Because yeah this is 85% dirgethara au by volume. Minthara, recently divested of most of her assets (ie similar to how she lost most of her Baenre clout because of being ensnared by the Absolute) is in desperate need of a final gamble to turn her life around before shes irrevocably ruined. A chance perusal of his records in the hospital, and what they managed to uncover about him, intrigues her because if even half of these reports are true and verifiable, hes an absolute BEAST in combat. And it starts to look like if any gamble would pay off, itd be him.
The sabotage blitzed a LOT of Dirge's brain, resulting in memory issues (like his usual amnesia), but a lot of his combat conditioning remained intact (the Urge persists). Where the hospital sees a violent, unsavable wreck of a person theyre obligated to treat anyways, Minthara spies an oppurtunity. He needs more recovery time, and something needs to be done about his aggression, but he's so tempermental because his brain is constantly trying to return to his default state of mid combat battle focus, which categorizes everything outside his mech as either enemy combatants, allies, or fodder. Beneath the defeated, dissociated state lies a burning need for one more chance. One more shot.
So Minthara offers him a deal. Get back in the cockpit, on Minthara's dime. But in return, control and restrain himself enough to survive through the plethora of medical treatments and therapies to get him combat ready again, however long that entails. Allow her to muzzle him, collar and leash him, and she'll give him his second chance, to prove hes worth all she's going to invest into him. All wrapped up in, of course, a literal leather muzzle, offered to him.
Dirge's choice here is essentially risk dying being pushed through recovery to combat readiness, necessitating surgical repairs to several of his implants, another push through standardized combat conditioning, training to evaluate physical durability and combat readiness, and then to risk death again synchronizing his brain to a new mech after a traumatic brain injury, or to try and fail to rehabilitate into civilian life just to eventually end up executed by the state for eventually snapping and succumbing to his Urges.
He takes the muzzle.
Minthara uses the last of her financial resources, assets, and connections to push Dirge through recovery and into a new mech, legally registering herself as his handler, which neatly solves most of Dirge's legal issues as he becomes her property in the eyes of the state, and in return Dirge offloads all the autonomy he didn't particularly wish to have in favor of chasing perfection as Minthara's hound.
Dirge was never a person, but Minthara affords him a kind of dignity he never received prior. Before, he was a weapon, an unthinking unfeeling object, to be discarded when broken, or hammered back into shape. But a dog, a dog can feel, can improve, can recover, can desire and achieve. An object breaks when it fails, and has to be replaced. A dog can fail and try again and again and again. A desperation only she acknowledged. He can try it again, if anyone, anyone at all, scraped him off this bed and got him back into the fight. A bestowal of dignity, a gift Dirge is eternally grateful for, and endlessly loyal for it. A muzzle that acknowledges him as a living, breathing thing. He isn't capable of being anything else, and Minthara doesn't ask him to try. Hes an attack dog, made for combat, made for killing, made to be directed and pointed towards some distant foe, without a need to understand who or why. Something meant to be in anothers hand. Something who's loyalty was capable of being earned. Hes alive, and she chose him, at his lowest and at his worst, and all she asked of him is to do what he was made for. Fulfill his purpose, his function, his life's goal and reason for living. Kill, and maim, and maul, and slaughter, a seamless integration of flesh and machine. A symbol of power, violence, authority, influence, not a person but something in the shape of one.
He never recalls or invents a new name for himself, instead going by his callsign as Dirge (because the unpersoning here is as literal as possible and he LITERALLY does not exist outside his capacity to inflict violence), and without anything to his name, Minthara sets him up in her apartment, which he eventually takes to. The muzzle becomes a comfort object and source of stability, helping to ground Dirge whenever he's in public outside the mech, and it does still keep him from biting people, thankfully. Dirge is dogshit awful at being alive, even more than usual, and his life settles into a complimentary duality epitomized by his cockpit vs Minthara's apartment. The violence and madness of being a semi autonomous killing machine, vs the tenderness and fragile domesticity of being a deeply unwell living being. The only two spaces he exists unmuzzled, the cockpit where he is free to maul as he pleases, and her apartment where he has no desire to. Dirge's body struggles to live outside his mech, and that gives him a similar duality of being an overwhelmingly lethal embodiment of violence, and a frail and sickly individual incapable of existing independently. He eats even less than usual, his body adapted to the liquid nutrition dumped into his stomach mid combat, so he ends up having to occasionally make CVS runs to pick up prescriptions of it to keep in Minthara's fridge, along with a plethora of other medications for his implants. Sometimes she can get him to eat solid food, but he usually pukes it up. Only in that apartment does Dirge exist outside his role as pilot, a body unnatural to look at existing simply and without adornment. Hes something that sleeps in a bed, eats at a table, showers, brushes his hair, now. Something that lives, imperfectly but still lives. All at the behest of someone who sees the mess beneath the metal and wants to touch him anyways, someone who trusts he retains the capacity to touch without violence, something he didn't even think of himself. Minthara's second chance had him swear to her cause, but her tenderness is what bought his eternal loyalty.
On Minthara's end, she sees someone the world had given up on, a disposable broken tool, and knew in her gut that he had fire in him yet. Not only was she right, but Dirge went above and beyond her expectations. At every step of the way, he found a new way to impress her, seemingly never satisfied with merely meeting her halfway, he instead demonstrated an overwhelmingly drive to persevere and overcome. Minthara could not rightfully call it ambition, but she recognized the steel in his will when she saw it, the raw determination. Initially intending to make a safe bet (a kicked dog given a new chance is the one most likely to be loyal, afterall), Dirge grew on her, inspiring genuine respect and admiration, and even affection. Its not a relationship of equals, but it was never going to be. Dirge could kill her, easily, but he won't. He is, to a degree, incapable of it. Because he needs her. Not the way one needs a second partner to dance, but the way one needs oxygen. Without her, he is unmoored, from his purpose and his self. She gives him structure, meaning, direction. His capability for violence far outstrips her, but without her he is aimless, unfocused. And there is no resentment to that need, instead only appreciation. Acknowledgement. Clear eyed insight, into who and what she is, her strengths and abilities, because she is the pillar he relies upon and he has taken it upon himself to know every inch. Dirge is clever, cunning, deeply intelligent, and utterly singular, existing more as a force given sentience than as a fellow human being, and Minthara is and always has been attracted to danger, especially danger that heeds her call.
Shes always been a sucker for a bit of an underdog story, and Dirge is quite the trophy on her mantle. He makes her investment back in spades, and on the battlefield he is equal parts horrifying and beautiful. He is a monster, and he is Minthara's monster, loyal and sweet for her and her alone, an beast who makes the effort for gentleness, domesticity, by the sheer overwhelming power of her word and her desires. He belongs utterly to her, legally classified as her property, body mind and soul dedicated entirely to her and her desires, not a mindless doormat but a starving wolf determined to embody the pinnacle of whatever goal she sets for him. She'd be satisfied with less, but he only ever gives her more, and itd be harder to not return his affections
Some bonus tidbits I couldnt figure out how to string into the flow up there!
Caiphon is still here! Caiphon was the AI of one of Dirge's mechs pre sabotage, which partially installed itself onto the hardware of his brain for better synergy. Since theyre both in a new mech, Caiphon recreates some of Dirge's warlock bullshit by essentially jail breaking enemy mechs since, as an unlicsenced unregistered rogue AI, Caiphon excels at breaking through firewalls and hijacking software, mimicking Dirge's psionics. His mech auto downloads malware onto the software attached to your brain, which is basically like making eye contact with elder gods normally. It also makes Dirge ridiculously flexible because, with his level of modification, hes broadly compatible with most hardware an enemy mech could be running, so hes only rly kept out by software. Which no longer works to keep him out LMAO. edit cus i forgor to add it in, but this means he keeps his usual heterochromia but now everyone thinks the black sclera glowing red iris eye is the prosthetic when no, caiphons integration just fucked it up. his other eye is the prosthetic LMAO
Dirges cockpit situation qualifies as body horror imo. His body essentially plugs all his vital organs into machinery so hes just this indistinct combination of metal and flesh as various cables and plugs enter his skin. Hes got that ghost in the shell neck plug, plus a few more, and then he also has that spine impant which is explicitly JUST for improved mech-pilot synergy. He could probably get this multistory death machine to do a gymnastics routine, its basically 1 to 1 with his actual body. Theres several IVs to optimize drug injection to ensure they break down in the most efficient part of his body, which also includes one into his neck so that way combat enhancing compounds can get dumped directly into his brain. A lot of these sites just have a permanent port in dirges body that closes up with skin colored metal when not in use, to look "seamless" (it absolutely does not look seamless).
This means disconnecting is a goddamn NIGHTMARE on him and he hates it so so bad. Its a standardized process that requires a med team on standby, before his mech can get cleaned up and topped off for another mission. Most of his senses are wired into the mech itself, so before he can get unplugged he has to get sedated since he takes disconnecting especially poorly. Then his neural implants get unplugged so the mech can go into standy (so he doesnt accidentally kill someone as opposed to killing ppl on purpose), and after he can no longer operate the mech, he starts getting unhooked from lifesupport. Its all an automatic process carried out by the mech itself so nobody has to get close to the murder puppy while hes coming off the high of turning an enemy outpost into hamburger. The last thing to get disconnected is his IVs, because part of standard disconnection process is dumping a medically specialized chemical formula through his neurons to prevent drug acclimation (which would reduce their effects), resets the binders on neurons (so they dont get stuck binding to, for example, dopamine receptors which would eventually result in those connections getting fried and incapable of binding to new neurochemicals, which increases reuptake and prevents those neurochemicals from working properly), and helps prevent chemical dependency and addiction. This is colloquially known as a rinse, and is universally awful. By this point, Dirge's sedation has worn off, and its also the last step in the disconnection process, so Dirge gets all his drugs power blasted out of his brain before his cockpit opens up
Because Dirge post unplugging is experiencing extreme sensory overload from being ejected out of his mech into his tiny human body, which is ALSO forcibly sober after riding a comfortable hazy battle high, he is unsurprisingly extremely dangerous once the cockpit opens. He can't really MOVE, more lying limply in his seat, but he can and will take your hand off if you put it close to his mouth. Hes barely aware of where he is, who he is, whats going on, and overwhelmingly strung out because the entire world is loud and bright and violently assaulting his senses, so part of his post mission routine is that Minthara is present when his cockpit opens up so she can remuzzle him. The muzzle keeps him from mauling his med team, and also provides familiar sensory stimuli to help ground him, as he is intimately familiar with the feel and smell of it. Even in his barely sentient state, he can still vaguely recognize Minthara's blurry outline and smell, enough to let her get close enough to get his muzzle on since he cant do it himself. Then the med team can scrape him out the mech and onto a stretcher for post mission recovery, which depends on how long he was in his mech for
Usually Dirges missions are anywhere between 6 to 8 hours in mech, but hes equipped to go as long as 72 hours. Recovery post mission takes around 1 to 2 hours for his usual missions, but 12 hours in mech pushes Dirge's awareness almost entirely out of his physical body, and drastically increases his recovery time, with his max of 72 hours in mech necessitating a week long recovery minimum, if not more.
a lot of the appeal of mechsploitation dirge here is watching him try to exist in a domestic setting. like imagining this loser walk himself to cvs for a prescription cuz mintharas too busy to get it tonight is endlessly entertaining to me because its so fraught and stressful for him. minthara rewards him more for successfully going to 711 than for wiping out the military of a small country cuz one is significantly more difficult for him than the other LMAO
he keeps the fuckass high collar in his pilot uniform. obviously.
yes the handler pilot dynamic is unbearably horny, why else would you have a codependent living weapon spend 75% of its freetime standing at attention in your office, if not because its deeply erotic to see your unpersoned war dog start salivating over the oppurtunity to be of use via boot polishing. if dirge cant be useful in some capacity he might die for real, please give him commands and orders, the part of his brain responsible for independent decision making was surgically removed and replaced with a manual on how to properly deepthroat the barrel of a firearm to put on the best show for his domme (with images)
