#different now

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Later in the evening after (Y/N) just got back from her study session at uni she clicked through that folder of Mona’s pictures. When she got to a class portrait from primary school she stopped in her movements. (Y/N), Lisa and Mona were pictured sitting beside each other, smiling from ear to ear. Soon (Y/N)’s eyes were searching for him. And only a few kids down there he was. That small little child with those soft brown curls and a sweet grin on his face. (Y/N) let her finger linger over the display of her laptop, right over his face. 

She let out a small laugh when all the memories came flooding back to her crashing like a wave. Slowly she let her finger fall back down while turning her head to look out the window down the street where she grew up in. Still stuck in the room she spent almost all her childhood in she was able to see the Holland’s house just two houses down. Remembering all the times she would ring the bell of the Holland’s house to ask if Tom could come out and play with her when they were still in Kindergarten. All the times when the Holland’s would pick her up from primary school and they would spend the whole ride back home playing silly games and talking nonstop. All the times she watched Tom from this window come home from school when he started going to a different school.

They basically knew each other all their life because they lived on the same street and they spent the majority of their childhood together. But when they started to go to different schools after primary school, they kind of got out of touch. They would still talk and occasionally hang out but (Y/N) felt like she wasn’t cool enough for him to hang out with. So, he retreated to hanging out with his cool friends from school. So they never really were close anymore. But that didn’t stop (Y/N) from suddenly developing strong feelings for Tom. Now she thought back to that one evening when they were sitting in Tom’s back garden.

He was 17, she was 16 and deeply in love. With every laughter that came out of Tom’s mouth, every gentle touch he gave her in passing, every look her way, she felt more and more confident that he felt the same way. He must feel the same way. There was no way he would look at her the way he did, there was no way he would treat her so sweet the way he did if he didn’t feel the same way about (Y/N).

“What are those big eyes you’re making, (Y/N)?” (Y/N) heard Tom’s voice ringing in her head as if she was back on that bench in the garden. Tom had teased her about the dreamy expression on her face. It was at that moment when (Y/N) decided it was the right time to tell him.

“You know I really like you, Tom”

Tom froze in his movements not quite knowing what (Y/N) meant, but already suspecting what she intended to say.

“I really like you as well, we basically grew up together. I will take that with me for the rest of my life.” Tom said. (Y/N) grimaced a bit as she felt the situation grow awkward.

“I appreciate that, but you know that’s not what I meant.” She looked back up into Tom’s eyes and saw him confused. “I really like you as in… I like you in a romantic kind of way.”

Suddenly silence grew between them. Neither of them looking at each other. In a perfect world, that moment would have been the moment Tom also confessed his love for (Y/N) and they would have kissed and that would have been the start of something beautiful. But it wasn’t that perfect world and the next words Tom spoke broke (Y/N)’s heart just a bit. A bit more than she would have liked to admit.

“Look, I know this is very hard for you to do and I hate that I can’t return these words, but I think I just don’t feel the same way.” Tom paused to look at (Y/N) but her eyes were fixated on the ground before her feet. Not wanting to look at Tom now. “I’ve known you since forever but I don’t really know you… you know? Like we were pretty close as kids, but we’ve changed and we don’t know each other that well anymore...” Tom paused again, this time looking to the ground himself. “- and I just don’t feel the same way as you do.” 

Tom took (Y/N)’s hand in his, which really didn’t help – it didn’t help at all that even though Tom had just rejected (Y/N) he was still being nice, gentle and charming as ever and maybe that was the problem. Maybe she just read too much into this. “I’m sorry, (Y/N).” Tom said quietly. “You’re such a nice girl.” Hearing those words from his mouth sounded so bitter and not at all like the compliment they were intended to be. Nice girl. Yeah right, nobody falls for the nice girls though – (Y/N) thought to herself. When she continued to be quiet Tom spoke up again. “Maybe we should just hang out a bit more and get to know each other better. Like, we could go to the movies sometime?”

“Yeah, we could.” (Y/N) said after a bit of silence. She didn’t believe it would actually happen. And even if they went on a date, he surely would never fall in love with her. At this point (Y/N) just wanted to get out of this situation. She just wanted to curl up in her bed, shed a few tears and just pretend that evening never happened. She withdrew her hand out of Tom’s hold, stood up and forced an unconvincing smile. “I have to go. I will see you around.” She was about to turn around but then added another thing. “And maybe let’s just forget about this whole thing.” She laughed awkwardly and then turned around only to have the first tears stream down her face when she was making her way back to her parents’ house.

And they did. They forgot about it. Pretended that evening never happened. They also never went on that movie date either. They still greeted each other and talked for a bit sometimes but things kind of grew awkward between them. And before things could ever go back to what they were before Tom was off doing his movie thing. And of course, (Y/N) also moved on with her life eventually. She got into a relationship, broke that one off again, started uni and indulged herself into deep study hours at the library and the student life, meeting new people, friends and short lovers. And thinking back to it, the last time (Y/N) saw Tom was maybe six months ago and the last time they actually talked to each other was maybe 3 years ago. And it was fine. (Y/N) was fine.

Shaking her head, she tried to get all those images out of her head. Quickly (Y/N) sent an E-mail to Lisa with all the images attached, closed her laptop and then got ready for bed. She would have to spend the whole day ahead of her tomorrow at uni again, so she thought she better got some rest.

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A/N: So, I made the stylistic decision to get the backstory sorted out in the first part so I hopefully won’t have to deal with flashbacks throughout the story because I feel they would disrupt the story’s flow. The story probably won’t be very long anyway, also very much drama-free, it’s just a realistic story of falling in love. Hope you continue to read and enjoy.