First Person: My âAmerican Idolâ Experience, by Didi Benami
The 15th and final bittersweet season of American Idol is underway, and all season long, Yahoo Musicâs Reality Rocks has been inviting alumni from the series to share their stories. This weekâs essay is by Season 9âs Didi Benami, who writes about her emotional rollercoaster exerience and the beloved friend that inspired her to take such a major leap of faith.
(photo: Alberto E. Rodriguez/Getty Images)
How do I even begin to describe my American Idol experience in one article? OK, Season 9, I auditioned at the Rose Bowl...
I was in a rough spot in my life. I was mentally done with Los Angeles and trying to start over, though completely broke. I had almost nothing left after living there for four years and had just returned to the city after wrist surgery back in Tennessee. I wanted to stay home and almost missed my flight back purposely because I wasnât sure I could actually survive any more of Hollywood.
I was down and out, and felt like I couldnât catch a break, but I still had such a deep yearning to get my late friend Rebecca Joy Learâs music and the story of her life out into the world. She was my comrade and inspiration. I wanted so badly to keep the spirit of my friend alive. It was my mission to make sure I didnât let her music or spirit be buried with her.
I didnât feel like I had accomplished that mission yet. So that determined part of me said I needed keep grinding, to keep putting myself out there, and give it just a little more time -- then reassess if I ended up homeless.
I had a friend who was a fellow singer-songwriter. It was her first year of being eligible to audition for Idol, and she convinced me to go with her. Keep in mind, I had already auditioned for the show twice a few years prior and actually thought then, in my young naivetĂŠ, that I might have a chance at making it through -- but instead got cut so fast it was embarrassing. I wasnât sure I ever wanted to do it again. That said, I really didnât think I had any chance whatsoever of making it through, but I wanted to be there with my friend and figured I had nothing to lose.
When it came time to audition, I watched my friend and her younger sister both sing and get cut. Next up: me! Somehow by the grace of God I made it through, but ended up having an uncomfortable ride home with my friend afterwards.
The second round of auditions was with the showâs executive producers and the last stop before the actual judging round. I brought a stuffed animal with me because a friend couldnât make it at the last minute. Whether human, doll, or animal, having a support system is crucial during these trying tryouts.
My first judging round audition for Simon Cowell, Randy Jackson, Kara DioGuardi, and guest judge Avril Lavigne was mostly a blur, but from what I remember, Avril was wearing a cat hoodie. I was so nervous and thought they would all hate me. I worried that Iâd completely embarrass myself and it would live on TV forever. I was already about to pee myself out of sheer stress and a bit of terror knowing that I was going to get judged by the infamous Cowell.
Simon had just announced that it was his last Idol season, and thatâs all anyone was talking about -- other than that they weren't really sure who that seasonâs fourth judge, the replacement for the recently departed Paula Abdul, would be. Then, right before Hollywood Week, they announced that Ellen DeGeneres would be the our new judge -- THANK GOD. I was so happy when she was named judge for our season.
It rained the evening that my âTerrifiedâ performance aired for the first time, and I remember seeing a rainbow right as the clouds were clearing. It was Feb. 10, which was Rebeccaâs birthday, and it all felt so aligned at that point because I knew that this dream Iâd had for years was about to come to fruition. And it couldnât have been aired on a more special day.
I was legitimately terrified to sing âTerrifiedâ in front of Kara DioGuardi, who wrote the song with Jason Reeves. Not only was I about to sink or swim with a beautiful song that wasnât really known yet, but right before I went out to sing, they switched out my guitar backstage and told me the battery was dead on mine, or the pickup wasnât working, so I needed to use the one they handed me. Nothing like a last-minute Idol curveball!
As for the rest of the show⌠I have to say I feel very lucky and blessed that I made it to where I did: 10th place. Itâs one of the most incredible, fast-paced, life-changing experiences Iâve ever had.
That said, of I had to compare the competition itself, I would say it was like a vocal version of The Hunger Games meets Survivor meets like Road Rules and probably some other show I donât watch. The whole ride was a very surreal rollercoaster.
The insanity of what it feels like to go from zero to 60, then know you could be scrutinized forever regardless of circumstances that are completely out of your control, is quite uncomfortable. Crazy and honestly: really scary. Everything could go wrong. Everything could go right, too! You are with professionals and you want to feel like you are protected and being made to shine. In reality, the whole process zoomed by faster than the speed of light. I tried to absorb as much as I could, but I was mostly in shock that I had made it the next round. Every time.
Though it was incredibly demanding and sometimes overwhelming being under that much pressure, I know it pushed me in so many ways. Artistically, physically, and emotionally, it challenged me. Youâve got to rise to the occasion every day and try to do the best you can, every time. You become a better, stronger performer than you ever thought you could be, and make life-long friends along the way.
American Idol is a huge production. There are so many people working both in front of and behind the scenes that have been become my best friends over the years. Life-long friends that I love dearly. There were some fantastic moments both performances and behind the scenes that will forever be a part of my memories. And I have to say, Ryan Seacrest is the most hard-working man I have ever seen in my life. Many kudos to him. I have so much respect for that man.
This is about all of the juicy details I can give now, because I have to save some of that fun stuff for my forthcoming book that Iâm very excited about. This is coming from someone who never saw herself writing a book, and now I canât go on without sharing these stories and lessons I've learned along the way. I Iook forward to sharing more with you soon.
