I just wanted to say - it's not too late, I promise. It's never too late, not until you're literally dead. It can be scary and you'll have to make some sacrifices you didn't expect to have to make, but you absolutely always have the chance to seize your moment. (Also, like, you're only 20! Dude, you seriously have everything ahead of you still.)
I also saw what you said about feeling stuck and like you canāt switch your brain off - I get that, I really do. Itās hard to shake the past. Really hard. What Iāve found has helped me has been to journal, to work through things - but then to also make action plans and lists for the future, and to work through worst case vs best case vs most likely case scenario exercises. I havenāt entirely figured it out yet, but Iām getting there - and so can you, I promise.
it feels like it is though, or at least, too late to learn how to just takeĀ the chances iām given. even if i recognise one for what it is, i overthink and talk myself in circles, until the opportunity is gone and iām left in the lurch. i guess i regret not taking some of the chances life gave me.