My life as a working mom will resume in a few months. I was really hoping to find a new gig closer to home before my maternity leave is over, but it doesn’t look like that’s happening. There was one particular job I wanted bad, I called it my unicorn, and I have never wanted a job that badly in my life. Obviously I didn’t get it, and I’m still processing my grief over this life changing opportunity slipping through my fingers. At the same time I am dealing with feelings of dread and stress over having to put my big girl panties on and return to a job which I no longer have passion for, a boss I don’t respect, and a company I don’t believe in. Part of me fantasizes over the Hollywood version of this life. I take a stand, I follow my passion, and life will magically work out. In fact, I will be REWARDED by the universe for following my heart and standing on the right side of ethics. The other part of me knows the real life version all to well. It means no pay check, financial uncertainty, and unknown length of time being unemployed, and more difficulty securing employment because you’re unemployed. Apparently being unemployed and looking for work makes hiring manages uneasy. I wish I caught that unicorn… /Mama J Nov. 15

My husband just took a trip to the bathroom, heard Mikey wake up and start crying, then crept back into bed, pretended to sleep, and KEPT pretending to sleep while I got up. He doesn't know that I was already up, that I know he was up, that I know he ignored the baby, or that I know he pretended to sleep. I'll remember this. Mark. My. Words.

Jax snuggle up next to me, patted my blubbery belly, and said it was time to have more babies. Plural. As in two.

He couldn’t have picked a worse day to ask for such a thing. Mere hours ago I was sitting in my car, alone, for no reason other than to enjoy the silence. Once I got out of the car I knew I would have a sick baby that would want to nurse for comfort, a sick child smothering me with need, and a husband that would want a hug the minute the other two finally stopped touching my skin.

There are a lot of images and actions that may come to mind when one thinks of 4:20. In my life, 4:20 is when I started writing this post. It’s when I got comfortable on my Deluxe Dutalier Glider as my younger son, Mikey, latched on for his early morning feed.

Normally interruptions to my sleep annoys me, even if it’s from the fruit of my loins (that’s not just a phrase for men, is it? – I’ll google it later) requesting nourishment or comfort from my bosom. However, Mikey has had a rough couple of days as he just cut a tooth, has four more on the way, and is generally feeling under the weather (note to self: Google origin of that idiom) due to the flu shot. I’m also having a hard time. My gig as a stay-at-home-mom is over in a few months, and every tender moment, every milestone, every smile, every everything, is tearing me up inside. I’m going to miss this sweet little baby and his big bro so much that it hurts.

So while I would normally be irritated with yet another night/morning of interrupted sleep while my husband snores away next to me, I’m savouring it. Well, as much as one can while also drafting a blog post 🤔😬

I am an only child, a wife, a mother of two sons (Jax and Mikey) and a pet owner. I don’t want to bombard my friends, family, and acquaintances with everything I want to write or vent about, so I created this little corner for myself. Maybe I’ll be the only person reading it. Maybe someone else will come across it and find it mildly amusing or annoying. Either way, welcome to this Bad Mama Jama’s Corner.