#diaryofacoffeeaddict

Today was a busy day, cause I had to pack a lot and also went in to the town to get some stuff and I'm really exciting because of the travelling and internship-programme. But of course, today I also had interesting thoughts about platonic love.

For the context: I was always that type who watched movies and serious and fell in love with a character/actor. Not just with their look but with their irradiation, style, voice, their whole being.

Spoiler alert: Spoilers for Netflix series "I-land" SE01EP01

Story: One of my biggest platonic love was always Alex Pettyfer. I saw him firstly in "001-Stormbreaker" when I was 13 maybe but still big fav. So I started to watch this new series "I-land" and when I saw him, I was flattered. But when the story went forward and in one scene he tried to rape a girl I felt disappointment and sadness. Honestly I don't know if i will continue to watch the series cause I don't want to break his image in my mind but I am really curious, so maybe I will watch another episode.

Today was a looong day... even if i finished with work at 10:30am. Today was a really good weather, (which always a good thing here), so I decided to go to the ZOO finally. Its a nice, but small one, I felt sorry for the big animals, they not really have enough place in my opinion, but smaller does. And there was a contrast namely how the cashier from who I bought the ticket was really kind, but from who I asked help with my coins, was a really rude bitch🙃

After I decided to go to the citycenter to eat, but accidentally I bought a bra🤷‍♀️ (it's just so lovely) and runned to home cause today I had the first fencing training🤺, but we played so much volleyball to get back to the training with minds too🏐 (to be honest I always hated volleyball, but now it was kind of fun).

So again, too tired to write about feelings, but hopefully tomorrow...

"Holnap más lesz majd minden

Kivéve persze az, hogy tiéd marad a szívem

Tudom jól, hogy tegnap is

Pont ugyanezt mondtam

De most az előbb tényleg

Despite of it I'm struggle with my mind. Before him I lived with less moral and more partners. Now I'm trying to be a nice girlfriend, so no cheating and etc. (I don't want to do it ofc) but it's hard, because my body is remembers and wants to have a lot of sexual contacts again and I'm in a constant fight against it. I felt like I'm okay, but two days ago I had a really vivid dream about having an orgy with some male friends of mine. In my dream I still knew that I have a bf, but still did it and enjoy it. After I woke up I felt huge guilt and remorse which is stupid, cause I didn't do anything bad.

So I'm still in a kind of shock and I know somehow I should talk about it with him, but I don't want to rush things and put pressure on him cause of sex. I guess I will struggle quietly till we have our first time.

Also that's not so helpful that I told to my sister and parents about him, but they didn't ask anything since, it's feels like they dgaf about it and it's a shitty feeling.

Conclusion: If you have an inner slut that could come out anytime when she wanted for years, it will be hard to say no to her and make room for your inner romantic. But I know that he worth it.

"Hú, de szerelemes vagyok!

Nagyon szerelmes vagyok!

Tebeléd, tebeléd!

Szerelmes vagyok én!

(...)

Olyan boldog vagyok én!

Elég boldog vagyok én!

Nem tudom elmondani,

Hogy mennyire szerelmes

"When I'm away from you

I'm happier than ever

Wish I could explain it better

"Megkívánja

És táncba hívja

Szürke tangó a vágyba

Hömpölyögnek

Összejönnek

És meghalnak az ágyban

Félek, félek

Mindenkitől félek

Félek, félek