Oct 12, 2025
might be returnin from this wedding a little plastered. oops. stumblingg down the basement stairs
my old roommates were there so we got to reminisce about being young 20 something losers.. good times
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might be returnin from this wedding a little plastered. oops. stumblingg down the basement stairs
my old roommates were there so we got to reminisce about being young 20 something losers.. good times
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my bro and his buddies were playing cards in the other room. i could hear them laughing but not what they were saying.
till my bro's best friend yells into the hall "hey mouse! you want twenty bucks?" and there's laughter again. without any more context i yelled back hold on, i'm considering it!
this guy has the fuckin sense to follow that up with "woah man, twenty? have some more self respect than that!" now i don't know what i said for real to deflect that, but holy shit what i wanted to say was yeah man, some of us like being disrespected
i never found out what the twenty bucks was on for. so, if anyone is out there with twenty bucks and an idea,,
i went for a walk today and the weather is so nice that i didn't want to return home, and on top of that i kind of had a trip down the memory lane cause i listened to some music from a while back and my mind is too agitated to fall asleep cause i keep ruminating on the past.
the main takeout is that
1) for a while ive felt conflicted about how nostalgic i get about my first job and how fondly i remember it even though in the moment i was miserable, but now i realized that im not gaslighting myself and it wasn't in fact all that bad, because the actually shitty period was my previous job about which i haven't and never will feel anything remotely good ever
2) i realized that a while back, but i actually take a really long time to get used to things and find my way around, and my memories of that are either weird or fragmented, for example the whole first year of uni has felt like a big fever dream in the moment and still does now, and i remember very little. so called asd i guess
3) this is kind of a meme but lowkey i think one of the most impactful things in my life was playing portal 2 when i was 14. and at the moment i didn't take this phase even half as seriously as the other phases that genuinely led nowhere, but i can trace back to portal a lot more things than id expect, for example some of my music preferences. but it might as well be a stretch. its hard to track down influences that are so watered down by time
my bro's got this friend from when he was in hs who is a real odd one. no girl, no real steady job, just booze and weed and guns, a house out in the backcountry. and a drawl like someone took him right outta tennessee and plopped him here in the north as a cruel joke. still. he's got this odd charm, affectionately calls me "sir", holds doors for me, always gives me first hit.
we were out for beers. he says something dumb but charming in its intention again. i laugh, stupid big. he points at me. you've got fangs! like me! and then he points at his canines and smiles big, sharp. yup. teeth like mine. we high five.
i think of the damage we could do to each other.