#devoted2u

I awoke this morning feeling a sense of dread and contemplating ways to fix myself. In my solitude of the day I began to think of why I was feeling like the world outside somehow had it in for me. All of things that I hold dear in my life in that moment, and I just felt like I needed to find out why these emotions were taking me underwater. I was drowning in my sorrow of being alone at almost 40, in two and half days I will cross the threshold into "age" and in truth, I am frightened by this. 

When I was in my twenties life seemed so rich and full, then I entered my thirties and life became a bit more exiting, but now as I take steps toward being 40 life feels like sands in an hour glass, because I was never alone. I didn't have moments of "me" time, I never had to worry about an expensive dinner at a swanky restaurant, or a passionate evening of sexual pleasure, because there was always a man there. When my ex-boyfriend decided he needed to move, I got stuck, I couldn't move, how was I going to take steps without being an "us"? Food lost it's flavor, restaurants lost their appeal, and self pleasure was not really pleasure at all for me. Then as I made my round back to my car as I jogged, the thought hit me, perhaps the reasons why I am feeling this was has less to do with turning 40 and being single and more to do with never experiencing a relationship with myself. How funny, I thought, even chuckled as I continued to jog, the nerve of me thinking that I was somehow down because I have never been in a relationship with myself. 

Sure, I have broken up with myself numerous times, I mean I ended my dieting dates, my empty promises of getting more sleep, I have even said "Nikki, I promise I work less and spend more vacation time with you", but really, do those break-ups even count? I came to the realization of yes, they do count, why are those non-committal issues less important? I asked myself, and it is because I have never experienced "single life". I have been endlessly floating towards the shore without ever really knowing how to swim towards it, because as I float the currents carry me away from who I truly am on the shore. I rushed home, eager to please "her", I asked "her" what she wanted for breakfast, and I made a date with "her" this afternoon to visit one of the beautiful wineries where I live, and I even promised "her" that I would say something encouraging every day for the rest of "her" life to lift "her" spirits.

I awoke this morning feeling a sense of dread and contemplating ways to fix myself. In my solitude of the day I began to think of why I was feeling like the world outside somehow had it in for me. All of things that I hold dear in my life in that moment, and I just felt like I needed to find out why these emotions were taking me underwater. I was drowning in my sorrow of being alone at almost 40, in two and half days I will cross the threshold into "age" and in truth, I am frightened by this. 

When I was in my twenties life seemed so rich and full, then I entered my thirties and life became a bit more exiting, but now as I take steps toward being 40 life feels like sands in an hour glass, because I was never alone. I didn't have moments of "me" time, I never had to worry about an expensive dinner at a swanky restaurant, or a passionate evening of sexual pleasure, because there was always a man there. When my ex-boyfriend decided he needed to move, I got stuck, I couldn't move, how was I going to take steps without being an "us"? Food lost it's flavor, restaurants lost their appeal, and self pleasure was not really pleasure at all for me. Then as I made my round back to my car as I jogged, the thought hit me, perhaps the reasons why I am feeling this was has less to do with turning 40 and being single and more to do with never experiencing a relationship with myself. How funny, I thought, even chuckled as I continued to jog, the nerve of me thinking that I was somehow down because I have never been in a relationship with myself. 

Sure, I have broken up with myself numerous times, I mean I ended my dieting dates, my empty promises of getting more sleep, I have even said "Nikki, I promise I work less and spend more vacation time with you", but really, do those break-ups even count? I came to the realization of yes, they do count, why are those non-committal issues less important? I asked myself, and it is because I have never experienced "single life". I have been endlessly floating towards the shore without ever really knowing how to swim towards it, because as I float the currents carry me away from who I truly am on the shore. I rushed home, eager to please "her", I asked "her" what she wanted for breakfast, and I made a date with "her" this afternoon to visit one of the beautiful wineries where I live, and I even promised "her" that I would say something encouraging every day for the rest of "her" life to lift "her" spirits.

Chapter 1

Despite living in a time of relative peace; the people of the great Joseon nation were beginning to recognize the growing disparity between the upper and lower classes. Individuals belonging to the lower class understood the hazards of overstepping the invisible boundary, which separated the aristocrats from the commoners.

While there were those who greatly resented the entire social construct; Hwan Ni Khun was a person who readily accepted his station in life. Having been orphaned at the tender age of six; Ni Khun found himself destitute and on the verge of death. His fate would have been all but sealed had it not been for his chance encounter with Lord Jung.

On a particularly cold winter’s night, Lord Jung had spotted Ni Khun lying unconscious in a nearby alleyway and had ordered several of his men to bring him back to the Jung estate. From that day on, Ni Khun had become a member of the Jung household and had been groomed to become Young Master Jung Yong Hwa’s personal attendant.

During their eighteen years of cohabitation, Yong Hwa and Ni Khun had developed greatly differing personalities. Yong Hwa’s bright and carefree disposition was a stark contrast to Ni Khun’s upright and reserved temperament. Their differences notwithstanding, the two young men spent nearly every waking moment together, which naturally helped to cultivate their brotherly relationship.

As per usual, Yong Hwa and Ni Khun had left the estate early to go on their daily morning walk. Having journeyed over nearly three miles away from the estate, Yong Hwa had suggested that they take a break in a nearby pavilion.

Once he was settled on a stone carved seat, Yong Hwa looked over towards Ni Khun and said, “You must be exhausted, come over here and sit beside me.”

“I am not tired” insisted Ni Khun as he remained standing on the opposite side of the table.

With a look of exasperation plastered on his face, Yong Hwa countered sternly, “That was not a suggestion.”

 Having no other choice but to comply, Ni Khun took a seat beside Yong Hwa and wondered at the type of mischief that had been planted in his young master’s mind.

Showing his slightly bi-polar tendencies, Yong Hwa’s stern countenance reverted back to its’ cheerful exuberance as he wrapped his arm around Ni Khun’s shoulder.

“So, how many years has it been since you entered the household?” asked Yong Hwa musingly.

After clearing his throat, Ni Khun replied by saying, “About eighteen years ago.”

“Eighteen years!” exclaimed Yong Hwa, before he continued to say, “If you think about it, we really have gone through a great deal together. There was that time when…”

Before he could complete his sentence, Ni Khun interrupted him by saying, “There was that time when you saved me from that bear trap during the hunting expedition, which caused you to be bedridden for nearly three months.”

Seeing that he had silenced his young master, Ni Khun continued to say, “What exactly is it that you need me to do this time?”

A slightly discomforted expression crept onto Yong Hwa’s face as he sheepishly asked, “Why do you always assume I want you to do something when I talk about our childhood memories?”

Without mincing words, Ni Khun replied, “Because of my eighteen years of experience living with you.”

“Alright, I’ll cut to the chase then…” stated Yong Hwa before he stood up from his seat.

Calling out into the distance, Yong Hwa said, “Shin Hye ah, you can come over now.”

Surprised, Ni Khun turned around to see Duke Park’s daughter walking towards the pavilion. While they were still alone, Ni Khun stood up from his seat and asked Yong Hwa, “What exactly is going on here?”

“I’ll let you know as soon as she gets here” replied Yong Hwa without taking his eyes off of Shin Hye.

After she had entered the pavilion, Shin Hye made her way over to Yong Hwa’s side and politely greeted Ni Khun humbly.

Finding the situation entirely inappropriate, Ni Khun kowtowed to the Duchess and said, “Please do not speak to me using such honorifics.”

Helping him up from his position on the ground, Yong Hwa stated earnestly, “There is no time for that right now.”

Sensing the urgency in his young master’s voice, Ni Khun asked, “What is the matter?”

“Something very bad has happened” replied Yong Hwa.

Setting his gaze onto the Duchess’ face, Ni Khun asked warily, “Are you perhaps…”

“Of course not!” exclaimed Shin Hye as her cheeks reddened at the mere thought of Ni Khun’s conjecture.

Hoping to clarify the situation; Yong Hwa motioned for Shin Hye to hand over the cloth decree, which she held in her hands.

With the decree in his possession, Yong Hwa explained, “This scroll contains the royal decree for Jung Yong Hwa to prepare for his upcoming royal union with Princess Song Qian.”

Thinking that he now fully understood the situation, Ni Khun stated sympathetically, “Although, I can be of little assistance to you…”

Interrupting him, Yong Hwa stated in a slightly hushed voice, “You’ve been of greater assistance than you think.”

Staring intently at Yong Hwa, Ni Khun asked wearily, “And exactly what do you mean by that.”

After a slightly awkward moment of silence, Shin Hye nudged Yong Hwa as she said, “Get on with it already.”

Nodding his head to indicate that he would comply with her wishes, Yong Hwa took a deep breath and handed the decree to Ni Khun before he said, “This belong to you, young master Yong Hwa.”

With a slacked jaw, Ni Khun looked at the proffered decree in disbelief.

Leaning over closer to Yong Hwa, Shin Hye whispered softly, “He’s taking this a lot better than I thought he would.”

In an equally hushed tone of voice, Yong Hwa replied, “Just wait for it…”

“What in the world are you talking about!” exclaimed Ni Khun as his eyes filled with ire.

Chapter 11: Looking for Work

Although, other students lamented the passing of yet another weekend; Victoria celebrated the commencement of the school week. With the turbulent weekend behind her; she could now focus all of her attention onto her studies.

Since he was scheduled to meet with his academic adviser, Nichkhun and Victoria arrived at school earlier than usual. Victoria made her way to her first period class once she had parted ways with Nichkhun at the front office.  As she waited for class to start, Victoria flipped through her textbook and reviewed several sections, which she had previously highlighted.

While he peered over her shoulder, Taecyeon said, “No wonder you get such high marks on your exams.” Recognizing the familiar voice, Victoria looked up and asked, “What are you talking about?”

Before he endeavored to answer her inquiry, Taecyeon situated himself in his seat and dropped his book bag onto the ground. Pointing at her textbook, Taecyeon finally replied, “I was just saying that you get good grades because you actually read the textbook.”

Taecyeon’s response brought a smile to Victoria’s face as she marveled at his charmingly carefree attitude. Upon seeing her smile, Taecyeon immediately ran his hand through his damp hair and grinned as he asked, “Like what you see?”

Finding his narcissism slightly nauseating, Victoria scoffed before she bluntly inquired, “Does that really work on other girls?” With his focus fixated on Victoria’s face, Taecyeon replied by saying, “I don’t know. As you can see, I’m not too concerned with other girls at the moment.”

Before Victoria had a chance to respond to his unsubtle advances, Taecyeon asked with alarm, “How’d you get that cut on your lips? Did Nichkhun do that to you?” As she shook her head from side to side, Victoria quickly explained, “Of course not! I fell and accidentally bit the side of my lip on the way down.”

Taecyeon was visibly relieved as he said, “Oh I see. I’m glad that Nichkhun’s not the culprit or else my heart would break into a million pieces.” Victoria ignored Taecyeon’s increasingly cheesy avowals and instead changed the subject by asking, “Do you know where I can go to find a job?”

Without providing a response to her question, Taecyeon countered, “Why do you need a job?” Since she did not want to get into the specifics, Victoria replied by saying, “I want to find a job so I can at least earn my own pocket money. Since the Horvejkul family takes care of all of my living expenses, I really don’t want to burden them with having to provide my pocket money as well.”

Seeing her point, Taecyeon removed his cell phone from his book bag and dialed a series of numbers. After a brief moment of silence, he said to the person on the other line, “I want you to hire someone for the open cashier position. I’ll bring the person by after school today, so let my father know.”

Once he had ended the call, Taecyeon turned towards Victoria to say “Done.” Victoria was completely astounded by what had just transpired and asked in disbelief, “Just like that? You found me a job?” Nodding his head, Taecyeon smiled as he replied, “Of course. Being the owner’s only son has its advantages.”

After a short pause, Victoria finally expressed her gratitude to him by saying, “Thanks for helping me like this!" Not one to waste a good opportunity, Taecyeon slyly placed his arm around Victoria’s shoulder as he said, “You don’t have to thank me; but you do have to treat me to a good meal after you get your first paycheck.” Nichkhun walked into the classroom before Victoria had a chance to remove Taecyeon’s arm from her shoulders. Nichkhun’s eyes widened as he caught sight of the intimate scene. As he took his seat beside Victoria, Nichkhun wondered why it had taken her so long to dislodge Taecyeon’s huge arm.

Although, Taecyeon’s advances were clearly unwelcomed, Nichkhun still asked sardonically, “Don’t you two look chummy?” Ignoring Nichkhun’s displeased expression, Taecyeon smiled as he replied happily, “Of course! She’s my future wife after all.” Glancing over towards Taecyeon, Victoria warned in a serious tone, “Stop saying that.”

Undeterred Taecyeon asked, “Is this how you treat the person who just got you a job?” With his attention peaked, Nichkhun looked at Taecyeon and asked, “What are you talking about?” In response to Nichkhun’s inquiry, Taecyeon explained by saying, “Victoria asked if I know where she could get a job, so I set up a cashier position for her at the sushi restaurant near central city.”

Without acknowledging Taecyeon’s response, Nichkhun asked Victoria, “Why do you need a job?” As she averted her eyes away from Nichkhun’s face, Victoria replied by saying, “I just feel like working.” Having heard her response, Nichkhun deduced that the purpose for the job was to earn money to make good on her I.O.U.

In a highly agitated tone of voice, Nichkhun then asked Victoria, “Are you crazy? You can’t work. If you get a job, everyone in our social circle will think that my family doesn’t provide for you?” Victoria looked down at the floor and remained silent as she contemplated the full impact of her actions on the Horvejkul family.

In a much calmer tone of voice, Nichkhun said to Taecyeon, “Sorry for the trouble, but I think you’ll have to tell your father that she’s not going to take the job. You understand where I’m coming from right?” Taecyeon nodded his head as he replied, “Yeah, I understand. I probably should’ve thought of that before setting up the job for her. Its fine, I’ll just call my father and let him know.”

Victoria felt extremely remorseful for having put Taecyeon through so much trouble. While she repeatedly apologized to him throughout the day, she did not dare to speak to Nichkhun. Not a single word was exchanged between them until the very end of the school day.

After the final bell rung at the end of the school day, Nichkhun and Victoria walked together towards their awaiting car. Along the way, Nichkhun asked, “So you really have too much free time right?” Victoria glanced over at Nichkhun and made no response to his clearly rhetorical question.

Having expected her silence, Nichkhun continued to say, “If you really want to work that badly, I’ll figure out some things you can do when we get home.” Victoria still made no response and instead braced herself for the worse to come.

When they arrived at home, Nichkhun motioned for Victoria to follow him upstairs. Victoria stood motionless at the bottom of the stairway as she tried to figure out what he had in store for her. When he realized that she was not complying with his instructions, Nichkhun looked at her and asked, “Are you coming or do you want me to carry you up here?” As she examined the austere expression on Nichkhun’s face, Victoria likened the situation to that of a lion eyeing its pray.

Having a somewhat overactive imagination, Victoria began to picture a series of potential scenarios, including:

1.      A scene of herself struggling, with sweat streaming down her forehead, as she carried him on her back while Nichkhun loudly censured her by saying, “Turtles move faster than this! We’ll be late for school if you don’t pick up the pace.”

2.      A scene of herself, with a horrified expression on her face, as she stared at the sight of Nichkhun holding up his boxer briefs, demanding, “Hand wash these now!”

3.      Or worse yet, a scene of Nichkhun puckering up his lips demanding that she give him a kiss.

Victoria quickly snapped out of her self-induced daze and blushed as she wondered why she had even thought of the very unlikely third scenario. Fearing that he would yell at her again, Victoria hastily made her way upstairs as he had instructed.