#devilxwithin

@devilxwithin

it was a normal day. ryan hadn’t done anything she wouldn’t usually do, except maybe pick up an extra donut with her tea that morning. they were always just normal days. she’d just carried nova to bed from where she’d fallen asleep on the sofa whilst the two of them watched annie for what felt like the millionth time. plugging in her phone, she hit shuffle on her music and started pottering around the living room, cleaning up toys and such from the floor. she’d just grabbed onto a cushion when it happened. she’d recognise the opening notes to that song anywhere. it may have been five years since she’d last heard it, but that didn’t mean her heart didn’t stop. the last time had been in a hospital room, holding her now late wife as she rested from yet another round of chemo. her breath hitched in her throat and she squeezed the cushion hard. flooding her head were memories of the two of them. they’d been so happy. the universe ripped jamie away from her and now suddenly ryan was right back to that pain she’d felt in her chest as she clung onto her wife’s body after she’d flatlined. she dropped to the floor, narrowly missing the coffee table. she drew the cushion and her knees to her chest and allowed herself to breakdown --- something she hadn’t done in almost a year.

@devilxwithin

blake rubbed her temples. it felt like they had been there a million times. the fucked up part was that she liked it. the back and forth of it all made her feel alive. the only stability in her life was how unstable they were. “this is the part where you apologize.” and then they could get back to whatever it was they did together. 

not again, luna thought. she was dancing with this guy she’d been dating when she saw them. there was nothing serious about it, nor would there ever be. she knew exactly why. it was difficult to commit to him when she was lesbian. they were the reason she’d come to terms with it. she’d attended pride the previous year, boldly wearing her pink, orange and red. but every time they left, she found herself falling into the embrace of some foolish guy. it was safer in her mind. the good thing was they mostly wanted the same thing. so, it was easy to cut ties the second her ex popped back up. she moved away from him, promising to come back with drinks. “hello,” she greeted, silently waving the bartender down. “how long are you in town this time?” it was more mature than telling them to fuck off, or expressing how much they sucked. 

pj had finally started to move on with their life. they’d found an amazing girl who did no wrong. she was sweet and was always there. they truly couldn’t ask for more. even so, there were these instances where something was off. they couldn’t deny that. it wasn’t until their ex was in the room that things made sense. they realized exactly why. out of sight, out of mind, that shit was supposed to work. it did, but on occasion pj looked in her eyes, and they’d see theirs. the happy couple would be cuddling together, watching some old movie and they’d remember them. they’d remember that first date, that last. it was impossible to not catch a glimpse of them; plural. together. in love. but they’d both moved on, right? “do you love him?” 

“i got a couple drunk kisses I still need to get out my system. you the type I wanna spend my whole life with but not the one I'll spent tonight with. we're just in two different places, you gotta face it.” 

omg. what did i even do to deserve this??????? you’re the best!!!