#devilsleft

+ .. ❝ i have made a lot of mistakes. a lot. i’m not a perfect man. ❞ (john for kayce) from @devilsleft: it stirs something in the depths of him, something he's tried to swallow down; a humanity kayce hasn't felt suited him since he was a boy. he wears it enough with monica and he refuses to tamper it down with his own son but it still feels wrong in the crux of his core. it's hard to remember that there is more to somebody than their skin and bones. thinks it would be easier if that's all they were. it'd certainly be easier to leave things, or better yet- people, behind. but for as ill-fitting as kayce wears his own he cannot simply forget it in other people. and maybe there's a piece of him that realizes he isn't just here for what will be the left to the family he's created. more than just some cursed piece of fucking land that buried itself in the blood of his veins long before he had any say in it. he tries and he tries but kayce feels like he, too, understands the sins of a father. sins is just a more powerful word for mistakes after all. he nods, a single bow of his head. “yeah-” and it's a double meaning. yeah, he agrees his dad has made a lot of mistakes. that's not quite the one he thinks he wants to talk about though. yeah .. - “don't think there's such a thing, dad.” as a perfect man.

+ @devilsleft (lee-) liked for a starter * ... lloyd saw her some forty odd minutes ago, and though the man had all but used the words let me drive you- the message was still received loud and clear. evelyn passed on the offer, but she heard it all the same. by the time she reaches the barn the soon to be setting sun formed a sheen of sweat at the hairline of her loosely tied back greying blonde locks. the ranch is as beautiful as the day john first brought her here. not quite as beautiful as it is when she gets to witness her children enjoying it for what it is. as it stands, however, ev has only one child who she still gets to catch glimpses of on the land her husband loves so much. a land she, too, has grown a deep fondness for. so regardless- the walk, cane and all, might've been long, tolling, but when she reaches the fence of the pen it could have taken her double the amount of time and she'd still be wearing the same warmth upon her face. “not going to be out 'ere ridin' all night are ya? if this is y'er grunt work, i can see why you'd prefer it.” it's not entirely, and evelyn is all too aware of it. how she broaches a subject has never been something she's been able to completely finely tune, however.

she knows ruth told her the clinic would be getting a new doctor today. but judging by the circus their waiting room has become, she's not the only one the receptionist told. a sea of pushup bras and overlined lips before her. the nurse wonders if this is how a keeper feels when they have to dangle a hunk of meat over a tiger. " well, dr. wheeler. " says savannah, russet hues trying to gauge a reaction. " it looks like you're gonna be prescribing lots of cold showers today. " time to see what the new doc's made of.

he meets his brothers gaze for a half-second too long before he's forced to look away, eyes gearing to the ground, anywhere but at lee. swipes his thumb across his forehead. for a man always searching for truth, it sure does hit him like a fucking freight train every time he's met with it. “ what'd'ya want me t'say that? ” it's not an actual question. not one he really needs an answer to anyway. lee's right & kayce knows it. “ bad habits can still be learned, brother. ” and fuck if he doesn't have a few of those.

that, lynelle can understand. she's done a lot of things in her lifetime but each step of the ladder she's climbed, no matter how good or how bad, has always had something of opportunity waiting for her on the next level. an opportunity that filled her pockets just a little more than they bloated before. she loves the people- don't get her wrong- but the people wouldn't keep her lights on or the water running or pay for the pretty sweet jet she sits all too comfortably in while flying between states. “ well, ” she starts, closing the agenda in her desk, running her fingers along the spiral of its spine. “ i think you'll find the state of montana knows a thing or two about taking risks, and it's got more than enough money TO PAY THEM OUT. ” she's never suffered at least. “ i like to think of it as: working smarter, not necessarily harder. but you're more than welcome to do both. now that pays off. ”

the ballpoint of the pen in her hand clicks into place in time with her steady gaze, levelling eyes to meet his from across the table. it's not loud enough to hide her scoff but lynelle wasn't trying to either. “ a normal life? ” she repeats AS IF THERE'S NO POSSIBLE WAY SHE COULD HAVE HEARD HIM CORRECTLY. the curl of her lips like a pledge of amusement. “ is that what you think you're doing, john? trying to live a normal life? ” she doesn't believe him for a second. not really. as normal as his way of life may seem to him, to even the better part of montana but especially the damn ranchers of montana- even the ones who hate him or envy him or probably a well-placed fifty fifty of both, she thinks he's lived too much life and seen too many things to be hunkered down under some false pretense of normalcy. she sighs contently nonetheless. despite it all, she knows all too well the demon of rumination. her life is anything but normal. normal to her perhaps, but hardly the apotheosis of all that which is mundane and ordinary. she's envisioned what that would be like a time or two or twenty. “ if this is normal to you, ” she starts, shaking her head at him all the while. “ i hope you don't mind me saying- i don't think you were made for a real normal life. ”