#development prompt

一 detail a time you almost gave up.

JANUARY 2017. 

jimin considers herself strong. she’s endured abandonment twice, fought kids twice her size, and made it through bullying without a second thought. but this, this was so much harder. 

she never wanted this but she still fought harder than anyone for it, no matter the choreo or rap or song. she did it all to her what ability. she was a winner, and she never doubted she’d come out on top. but not this time. jimin was not a singer. she was always a rapper, since the beginning, but they pushed her to sing. she had to sing her heart out if she wanted to debut and make enough to pay back the ever growing debt. but it was so hard. 

the time she spent focusing on the lyric sheet and trying to force her voice to hit the high note went from minutes to hours to days. each session ended in angry tears threatening to spill from her red eyes, her hand holding the sheet music trembling from anger, sadness and embarrassment. this wasn’t like jimin. she never failed. it wasn’t her just being egotistical—she just didn’t. not because she was the most talented, but because she was the hardest worker, the most confident of the bunch. even if she wasn’t the best, she still left an impression. she wasn’t used to failure, not like this. 

the more she practiced, the harder it seemed and the harder she cried. it always seemed just out of reach. even if she managed to make it, it was never good enough to satisfy the vocal trainers. it seemed like everyone was against her, hearing the way the other female trainees snickered and gossiped about her. it’s what she deserves, they said to each other, smirking. maybe so. maybe karma had caught up to her and she’d finally have to deal with the consequences. it hurt. not because what they said pierced her, she’d heard worse, but because she felt like she’d let her family down. they’d leave her all alone. who would want to say they raised a failure? 

maybe it was just time for her to give up. she never wanted to be an idol and she clearly wasn’t up for the challenge like she thought she was. she’d get a job, eventually pay them back. it’d be hard, yes, but it would be better than this. the constant ridicule, constantly feeling lesser, constantly failing and falling behind everyone else. she’d had enough. she was done. it hurt her pride to admit that she would give up, but it was never what made her happy anyway. but she couldn’t. she couldn’t look her brother in the eye if she left, let alone her grandmother.

they’d helped her get here, motivated her when she was sure that she should leave in the beginning, hyped her from the very start of her rapping career. they were her biggest fans. she could picture the way their faces would fall when she told them she terminated the contract and was coming home. it stabbed at her heart. she couldn’t. she couldn’t do that to them. she’d already disappointed them before, she couldn’t do it again out of fear of them leaving her for good. so she stayed. she forced herself to work harder and harder until she got it right. she wouldn’t let the everything she hated break her.