gonna reupload some old art from DA
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gonna reupload some old art from DA

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thinking about near the end of goliath, the âIM STARTING TO FEEL A MISCARRIAGE COMING ONâ part, you can kinda hear cedric growling into the microphone like a demonic gremlin (because the album is cursed lol). itâs a bit more audible at the last part of that bridgeâŚâŚ
everytime i get to that part, i picture ced on his knees in the studio just making whatever noise comes to mind. i love that their songs have small background noises that are basically impossible to hear with regular headphones
this is also done in cassandra gemini, but with kissing/licking noises. with the context of the album, it really disturbs whoeverâs listening to it.
in other words: this band makes some of the most horrifying audible experiences and genuinely scares me. itâs the greatest band on earth.
"I feel like she sees me. like she really sees me for who I am and what I've been through. I think she might even see more in me than I see in myself."
"[We razzed you about your math skills]. But to be honest, you haven't been the same since it happened..."
Eddie is quite literally saying he sees Buck. He's saying that he noticed he wasn't the sameâhe can't even pretend that he was the "same old Buck" because Eddie "sees more in [him] than he sees in [himself]."
Not only thatâ
That last line that Buck says... it's Eddie putting him in the will three seasons ago now (three because he technically did it after 3x15).
And then the: But how could you be?
Eddie is saying this to Buck just as much as he's saying it to himself. He got shot (Buck is wearing the same jacket from dumb luck aka when they first talked about the shooting after the fact), and he wasn't the same. Everything he'd been trying to push back from the surfaceâhis PTSD, his feelings, himselfâall came bleeding out of him from the gunshot wound.
It's Eddie pining and it's Eddie saying "I'm here. I've been here" and it's him saying "Nothing can ever stay the same."
6x11 thoughts
this was requested, and I wanted to wait until I had some time, distance, and a rewatch before I made any post. things you won't see in this post: shitting on anyone in the cast/crew, getting upset about "no buddie." things you will see: conflicted feelings about certain parts of the episode
P.S. I've done some formatting to make it easier to read.
hm. just found it interesting that in 3x18 (whatâs next?) had eddie say âtime!â after abby said the person she knew back in LA stopped waiting for her a long time ago. And then Eddie said âtime!â again in 6x01 during the Kitchen Scene 2.0 đ§

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Question what do you think it will take for Buck to realize that happiness and love and family and everything he yearns so deeply for is something he is deserving of and already has or will have in full eventually? I understand why he feels the way he does (abandonment issues, insecurities that run deep, etc) but what do you think it will take for Buck to stop and actually GET it? I have no intentions of downplaying his feelings and current state of mind but Iâm curious? Do you believe it would take a long talk involving a possible frustrated Eddie or even an additional conversation with the rest of the team or his sister? For someone like Buck what will it take do you think for him to just get it? Get all of it? The point to his searching and yearning for happiness and love and all of it?
I thought about this question on my walk last night, and there's a lot I want to touch on as well as a lot I need to separate from some of my frustration with his storyline and where they seem to be taking him.
Unfortunately, I believe that "Cursed" will result in some external force (such as his medical history) stopping him from donating his sperm to Connor and Kameron. From what it seems, the writers want to take everything away from Buck so that he may realize what he has around him. The reason I'm saying "unfortunately" is becauseâto meâhis decision or, rather, his awareness of the role Eddie and Chris have in his life will seem to be some kind of consolation prize from not actually getting all the things he initially thought he wanted. I want Eddie to be chosen and Buck to take some agency over his own life in the presence of a host of other choices.
That, to me, is so much more powerful of a moment in character development. Additionally, the alternative (choosing Eddie because he realizes he's the only thing left) makes me, for lack of a better word, a bit resentful towards Buck and his level of maturity. With that being saidâ
I think an Eddie who can communicate better now (thanks to all of his internal work) will say the exact thing that Buck needs to hear so that he's aware that he's fantasizing about a family he could have (as the genetic father (?) of Connor and Kameron's child) and neglecting the one that wants him around. I would've loved to have seen this actually play out in a Taylor Kelly vs. Eddie Diaz tug-of-war with Buck in the middle... but.... you can't get everything you want in life.
I'm hoping that during "What's Your Fantasy?", that distinction between fantasy vs. reality is the moment where it clicks for him. I mentioned it in a post (that I'll link here if I find it), but I think that's the running theme in all of s6 generally. When you grow up and mature, you realize that things like "happiness" and "fulfillment" are so much more difficult to come by than checking off boxes. You don't pass a certain threshold of all the things that "should" work and poof! Suddenly, you're happy. It's something you work towards and something that, for better or for worse, is a messy process of destroying everything you thought you wanted and parsing out what you actually do want and what you actually do have and what you can actually work toward.
I feel like I'm probably not answering your question fully because it's a complicated one (which is good!), but my TL;DR version is this:
Buck will have a conversation with Eddie (and likely a tense one at that) regarding the sperm donor situation. Nothing will be explicitly said that'll make Buck realize what he has, but something along the lines of "do you want to get better? then you have to do better. treat yourself better" will shake him enough to get There.
(As a side note: I think that Buck will have to work nearly all his life to make sure he Gets the point and holds onto it. Just like Eddie will have to work on allowing himself to breathe and want things and stop pinning everything on himself.)
so i'm rewatching triggers, and i noticed that the "find a way" tattoo ryan has (which was kept on Eddie in s2) was covered here. i don't know what to make of it tbh, but it'd be interesting to consider that the tattoos the characters (/actors) have are selectively visible.
thereâs something about the upcoming eddie + carla scene and the fact that weâve sort of shifted into buckâs pov this season that reminds me of abby.
both eddie and abby defined themselves for so long as caretakers and put others ahead of themselves until they lost their own identity.
both had been on a journey to find out who they are again once theyâve been forced time alone and away from the points of reference they used to define themselves (abby losing her mom; eddie witnessing Chrisâs independence).
where abby said that being with buck brought her right back to being that person (donât remind me of that fake ass apology đ), eddie spending time with buck and changing the nature of their relationship is part of eddie learning to be his own person and curating his own identity. so where abby chose to leave, Eddie will choose to stay.
Carla was the one to encourage both abby and eddie to find their happiness, and Iâm interested to see if any of that comes up again so itâs all full-circle.