#deteriorates

This is an essay regarding my observations inside as well as outside the realms the internet, and especially the rise of A(nti)-social media, has done to our lives, society and collective mind during the last decade.

As to me, I am 23 revolutions around the sun old now, my "internet journey", which was much like travelling into a black hole/ singularity, started when I was 13 years of age, exactly 10 years, a decade, ago.

Back then I had a facebook page to which I have gained 3000 "fans", Before f(uck)book decided to go all for (hyper-)capitalism/cooporatism I had a high interaction rate, silly memes got up to 100 likes. Back then, almost a year after I got that page and pushed it somewhat with "ads between content creators" (not paid ones, but through "s4s" (share for share)) , well shortly after a year, then I had drastically no reach. I reached only up to 10%, more like 5% of my actual followers/"fans"... It was a rarity when I got more than 10 likes and that was when I decided to give up on the idea of beeing a successful content creator: Because before that, I actually was one (in mid-terms), BEFORE COOPORATISM/HYPER-CAPITALISM, as I call it, has strangled my only way to interact with people.

I had zero friends in real life since I can think. My neurodivergencies/aspergers made me unable to connect. I was always pushed out by society, because I couldn't recognize and thus conform to societal rules. So internet was my only hope/escape. ANd I found people who could understand me for the first time in my life. It was kind of enlightening. But the downside was, many peers of 7 or 8 years ago either got their life together, or some very sad cases where, ...some people who were close to me have ended their lives by their own hand. Which is literally the saddest part of it all.

The first 2 till 3 years I literally had people of whom I regarded as the closest friends I ever had, although through the internet, is was mostly lost souls here on tumblr and some on facebook, and deviantart who had the same problem.

I had a great, or at least better, time during I was 15. And although I wasconsciously suicidal and/or depressed since I was 13, it gave me strength and light to keep fighting.

The internet was literally the only island in the eternal ocean of bullying, isolation and other childhood traumas I had.

Sadly, the internet has drastically changed since these two and a half years of internet usage.

I mostly learnt English through this. And this was also the reason why my love for science and physics was re-ignited, and my passion for mathematics started... That is literally the only long-term positive thing the internet has given to me: MY SPECIAL INTERESTS!

When I look back, the internet became asocial the more "trendy" it became, instagram was a huge deterioration, same with the downfall and cooporatism-ism of facebook.

The internet is now as hollow, shallow, dead, asocial, antisocial, primitive, boring, hateful , (hyper-)capitalistic as the outside world.

The media get even more asocial from day to day and I am sick of all this asocial people switching from real life bullying/ pushing outneurodivergent people to the same behaviour online.

And it makes me so sad. It's like I am in my glass prison of eternal isolation. I talk with myself all the time, because, well it's all dull and no one wants to listen.

Asocial media became a part of an antisocial society to extend their behaviour to people who couldn't afford to have a decent real life, now pushing them out off their previous last habitat, or place they somewhat once called "home". The internet is the natural habitat of the weird, well, it WAS, now the same intolerance and superficiality storms the interwebz from within. Since the internet became "in" for asocial society, it became less and less of a home for me and other weirdos/ nerds/ neurodivergent peers. We are going extinct. There's no refuge anymore.

That is why I want to learn web development myself and create a REALLY social social network and build up that refuge by my own, because, what I have learnt all my life: You have to do all by your self! No one is going to do the shit and necessary work for you other than yourself.

I have to free myself from this isolation desolation prison all by myself with help of no one.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! what a fine man

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