#detectivefez

(Previous) Fez made sure the door was completely shut and locked. He held the phone to his head and cleared his throat. “Alive, sucking air.” He replied, his voice now more gravely and hoarse, not like the gentleman’s boisterous tone he once had. “Thanks for calling, I appreciate that.” He mumbled, dragging his Iv stand towards the mirror along with himself. He stared at his reflection for a short while, then rubbed his eye. “Um, so did Walters come in? I’m sure you heard plenty of what happened already from him.” He mumbled, sounding conflicted. On one hand, Walters had saved his life. He felt grateful and confused. He had a job to do but he knew in a way that this would get Amy away from Walters, then he’d stake her out and get her locked up, that’s the least he could do. He read back his plan in his head, still needing to figure out exactly how he could execute all of that. Thoroughly mapping it out was his best case scenario. Still… Poor Teddy. “How are you?” He asked Patty suddenly.

“From the right place too.” After a short, awkward pause Patty said, “Sorry. That was insensitive. I’ll hold the quips back.”

Then her office chair creaked as she sat down. “Frankly, I’m stressed. I gotta figure out whether to treat Walters’ custody as witness protection or criminal containment. And he’s not admitting to anything.”

The chair creaked again as Patty quickly sat up. “Oh, but he did tell me that their bishop can teleport and use blood magic.” She paused to bitterly chuckle. “Swell, huh?”

(Previous) Once Judith’s brother had fallen to the ground, hacking and bloody, she made sure Amy had left for certain. She let out a trembling sigh and put her blaster away. Once Teddy had cleared the area, they ran to Fez’ aid, hovering over his body to try and scoop him up into her arms. “Fez?” She whispered, staring at him. After Fez continued to cough without saying anything, weakly laying on the tiles, she snaked her limbs beneath him and picked him up, getting some red staining from his wound onto her coat. “Alright, come on—” She heaved, holding him to her chest. “It's— gonna be okay.” She said as she walked closer to Teddy. “He’s alive.” She sighed, a hollow look in her eye. “We need to work quickly.” Fez had his eyelid bolted shut, his breathing was ragged, but he stayed silent other than the occasional sharp breath. Finally, however, after being jossidled and shot at, he spoke. “Thanks…” He mumbled, voice gravely, followed by an, “Ow.”

When Teddy first got a good look at Fez’ injury he briefly stiffened before whipping his first aid kit out. At least he could see the distinctive char marks and blood on his relatively-light suit.

“Put him down flat. Gently,” Teddy flatly said as he pulled out his first aid kit. Once Judith did he put sanitary gloves on while squatting down.

“Call the emergency line,” he said as he pressed a cloth to his wound. It was quickly turning red despite the cauterization caused by the laser beam. “Tell them he has an open pneumothorax. Likely a perforating wound.”

He hoped that Judith either knew what he was talking about or at least how to how to pronounce it. Nothing good would come from telling Fez that he had a sucking chest wound. (An apt yet appropriately terrifying name for a punctured, leaking lung.)

Once Teddy was done giving Judith immediate instructions he glanced at Fez for a moment and briskly said, “Stop talking.” While he was disinfecting the wound he realized that he should clarify. “Need your air.”

Then he cut a hole in his shirt to apply a square bandage— temporarily sealing the hole in his lung— and went back to keeping pressure on his wound. Now all he could do was limit the bleeding.

(Previous) Fez tilted his head, not picking up on what made Freddy look him over. Then once he realized he facepalmed and laughed out loud. “Oh! Yeah..” He chuckled through gritted teeth. “I had a different style back then, check it out.” Fez busted open his wallet that had a few keychains of obscure video game logos on it, once he unfolded the clear plastic that showed his identification he took out an older polaroid from behind the card. He handed the photo to Freddy, not ashamed. The picture was of a much younger Fez, and he looked considerably foreign. He had a dramatic emo frown in a pose with his thumb down to the camera. He was sporting a black band tee, colorful bracelets up to his elbows, multiple necklaces of his favorite character, a red scarf, boney gloves, a bold purple eyeshadow look, (which looked more like he smeared paint all over his eyelid) pants with patchy sewing of stars, stripes, and rainbows, and to top it all off he had a baseball cap that said “Myspace.” “Pretty flattering, right? Um, but yeah! I’m identical, but it wasn't hard to tell us apart since we always wore different things when we were teenagers.” He smiled.

“Cute!” Freddy’s fond smile made it clear that he genuinely meant it. ”Man, I wish I got into a subculture as a kid... it looks so fun!” Then he chuckled. “And it would’ve given me something to whip out if my future kids ever started acting like they invented being cool.”

After a moment they shrugged. “Eh, apparently my wife’s parents were pretty punk rock so I’m covered there.” Then he pulled out his wallet and handed Fez a picture of his own. It showed three small watchpups sitting at the dinner table as they waited to eat.

The leftmost pup wore a yellow shirt with an E on it that matched their bright— abit slightly strained— smile. The one in middle wore a red shirt with an A and was starting to sob. Last but not least, the watchpup at the other side of the table had a blue shirt complete with a T. He was giving the camera an icy glare while tightly clutching his knife.

@detective-fez

Fez was satisfied at Amy’s response, yet once her head bowed he felt pity for her. He reached out and gently put a hand on her shoulder. “Thank you, Amy. I appreciate it. Let me know if you need anything.” He replied with feeling. He gave her an affirming pat then turned on heel. “Where to first?” He asked her, stuffing his hands into his coat pockets. “You know the scene better then I do, you know?” He smiled gently.

@where-is-soldiersam

Amy simply let out a heavy sigh before looking around the nave. The pews were empty tonight; no one was visiting, no one was leading any Glorble studies… But beyond them she noticed a short robed figure milling about the front door. Amy started walking toward whoever it was, assuming Fez would follow. When she got closer she realized it was Gloria, tending to her obnoxious planters. Amy never really liked her. Neither did Sam. Old people were so drab to them. It was fun to kick Gloria’s cane out from under her. Which in turned earned Amy and Sam some wacks, and sometimes a drug or poison slipped into their drinks. But Amy shoved her grievances with Gloria down as she approached her. “Hey Gloria…”

Gloria loved tending to her little garden in the Glornch’s sanctuary. Not only was it lovely, but the deadly plants hiding behind their beautiful flowers drew in ideal prospective members like wasps to nectar. It was the only source of powerful toxins that was completely out of the Skullship Crime Department’s reach.

Her happy humming was interrupted by Amy’s obnoxious voice. Oh, how she hated whippersnappers who thought they were hotshots simply because their bodies were as good as they’d ever get...

“Oh hello dearie~! What brings you here today?” Gloria cheered with a soft, grandmotherly smile on her face. Her eye momentarily widened at the sight of Fez in his full distinctive regalia.

Then she lightheartedly giggled. She’d be mad if he wasn’t so stupidly obvious. Surely he was too incompetent to be a real threat.

sincerely,

- NOT detective fez daniels manuel

Oh nooooo! PAPERCUTS!!!!

Have fun with that because I'll be pelting you with some good, hefty rocks.